Little Boy Lost #love

Looking back over the past, I have come to the conclusion that love has always been deeply  important to me. Yes, some may say, a little like Peter Pan really in the Never Never Land. 

Love in my child-like mind is that of being unconditional.  It is also my belief that love should nurture you, comfort you, and keep you safe.  However, the little boy in me has realised that love also needs to be reciprocated with no conditions, no agenda, nor  motive except to be loved and and receive love in return. 

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But, now the little boy has grown up (after all these years) and realised, that the love I had given over and over again was very one sided and that I really was never to be on the end of unconditional love in return. 

When I talk this love, I am really talking of ‘parental love’. The love you find, that is not of blood, is a totally different kind.  That kind of love is a growing, ever striving love that needs to be worked on to take us through our days together.  But ‘parental love' should be unconditional, a God given link from the womb to the tomb. This has always been my belief

After thinking soundly through my ‘parental love’ experience, the only time I thought that I was loved in return, was as a toddler sneaking in to my mother’s room and kissing her to wake to feed me.  My mother worked shift work so would sleep through the day at this stage and, I believed that love was reciprocated when my tiny kisses would wake her to feed me.  As I grew, I believed that my kind of love was to be in my mind and no one needed to return it.  It was just my job to love.  Now listening back through ‘Barry Manilow” You Tube, I realise the truth in his words springing into my head: “needing to belong’, ‘if someone would have said your not alone’, and more sadly ‘all the wasted time. 

It has taken a long time for this little boy to find himself, to know that he is not lost and that he had the correct idea all along.  Love is unconditional, and that love has no cost, no restrictions, and no agenda. It has taken all this time to reach the conclusion that, this Peter Pan was not lost. In fact, the parents were the ones lost and did not know how to give love freely.  Their duty was to love with no strings attached and, that our love returned, would take them to their grave. 

Having left ‘Never, Never Land’ I need to put that all behind me and realise that my kind of love is not, and never will be, for them.  I have to learn to pat myself on the back and say your not so bad and that I do, indeed, belong.  I must realise that throwing my love that way over and over again is never going to give me love from them.  I have to dust off my shoes and concentrate on my partner's love and know that our love is one based on unconditional, heart felt, and never ending love even beyond the grave.

I have to let it go, and send my love to the people that love the same way I do.  I need to love so that love grows and has no barriers. Despite that love not being that of blood, it has more sustenance than my mother provided by a simple feed as a toddler.  That feed was her responsibility as a parent, but giving love that is unconditional became her choice, and she imposed a value on love. 

To those who have experienced the same, I urge you to stop, think, and believe in yourself. Know that you are not so bad, that you are very valued, and have the right for love to be returned in the same manner as you have given. 

Love has no expiry date.  Love has no limitations. Love has no agenda. Love is present and is a gift to be passed on through out the years. 

Till next time,

Cheers! 

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 All the Time - Barry Manilow

High Heels and Machine Guns

It has always amazed me how difference is seen as a threat.  Difference to believe in what we see as right. Difference to be seen as equal. Difference to be ourselves. Difference to live our lives as we feel comfortable. But, merge them all together and combine it with religion, and attitude is to create havoc on society in general.

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Being part of the gay community, we have asked for respect and dignity to be who we are.  Not once have we sought acceptance through violence and loss of life.  Instead, we have stood unashamed of our sexuality and individuality. We have stood side by side on floats,  and in gay bars worldwide, to show our solidarity for our equality and rights.  We have marched to a different drum - a drum that begs individuality; a drum that begs equality; a drum that begs acceptance to be who we are and to believe in our place in society.

Yes, in God's eye (no matter what faith or disposition) we are seen as equal. God in anyone's language is love. Love is, and should be, the corner stone to all. That same love is fundamentally our right through our faith. That faith should be be encouraged, be it black, white, male, female, and that love, as long as it does not physically harm anyone, should be the corner stone of humanity.

For centuries we have seen wars based on religion. We have seen wars based on power.  But, not once, have we seen wars based on sexuality.  We have seen many religions dependent on sexual sanctity, but has that sanctity been one of trust and love. We have seen young men and women used and abused sexually by our so called ‘chosen by God’ leaders. 

We have seen payoffs, standoffs and putoffs by our spiritual leaders, all in the name of love. However, say that two people of the same sex have that love connection, and they are doomed, despite their love being mutually acceptable.  In the eyes of some churches it is seen as sin.  God knows why straight relationships have survived considering Adam and Eve and the forbidden fruit.  But, eyes are closed and never recalled to that situation.  

Like gay rights activists, women's rights activists, civil rights activists, these groups of people have protested, have marched, have voiced their opinion but they have never taken to the streets with guns blazing, killing innocent people because of their beliefs.  Instead, we have stood side by side (sometimes sprooking loudly) but never with guns to attain attention through power. We, as a group, have asked for equality not dominance.  Whereas, as these radical groups do not ask. In fact they are not interested in equality, they are only interested in dominance by force.

To those seeking power, I urge you throw down your guns, listen to the common people, and charge your  glasses with love not war. Join with the real people wanting equality, acceptance and a loving, caring  lifestyle. 

To those wearing the purple frocks, sprinkle some glitter of open mindedness. To those insisting on the burka, add a splash of colour and compassion. God damn it, since you have come this far, throw on some tinsel, don a pair of high heals and discard your machine guns and hop aboard the floats to equality town. 

In the words of Mother Teresa :- I can do things you cannot; You can do things I cannot; but together we can do great things.

I close these writings in hope that one day we will stand together as one, our voices  will be united in solidarity.  Whatever our path to equality may we find peace. I pray that together we may stand tall, together we may stand united and together.  May our tree of life exude peace, love and harmony. 

May our rocky road of life display the colours of the rainbow, and maybe, we all at one time  can be  part of the colourful ingredients of life’s combination of flavours and tastes.

Cheers.

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Road Trip #friendship

Today, tired of painters around the house, I decided to escape on a trip to nowhere in particular but, just hit the highway. I had no intention of getting out of the car. Just a round trip, to think through some things with my music playing, being alone and meditative. As it happens, my sister and I have been talking of late of the wonders of friendships. Not acquaintances, but friends that are as much to you as a relationship, and a relationship that you believe will stand tall and strong till the end of time. 

I’m not talking Facebook friends here that you can accept and reject as quickly as it is to hit a button, but friendships that are meaningful, part of your family but not blood. 

 

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As in all relationships we need to be committed. (Not that ‘committed’ but committed to the relationship). We need to be there when the chips are down as well as enjoying their successes and happiness.  We need to treat with respect, with care, and to realize that they have feelings and hearts that can be broken. In a partnership, our word, our actions can hurt and  jeopardise the longevity of that commitment.  Also, we must remember that we need to work on our relationship as it will only prosper with the love and thought that we put into it. 

Driving down this highway I suddenly realize that driving is a lot like friendship itself.  We need to learn to merge, give way, move with care, cruise, brake, slow down, speed up, take care, respect other drivers abilities, be mindful, and indicate our intentions. Without all of these we are destined to end at the wreckers or worse.

As I am not on a mission and I am basically Sunday driving on a Tuesday I realize that others are thinking only of getting to their destination, meeting time limits, and some just know that they are bigger and more robust than me and can demand right of passage whether I like it or not.  Some are more showy than me and have an arrogance that tells me to get out of their way.  Their branding, their personalised plates and the size of their exhausts display their self-importance on this highway.  

The friendship highway can be much the same and, without the same courtesies as driving our friendships can end in human wreckage. 

We as drivers on the friendship highway must learn that each, and everyone, is as important as the next and that each driver of life is to be afforded that respect and courtesy. There should be no one judged by the size of their exhausts, their branding, if they are on a time limit, or if they are much more powerful than the next. 

This is something we must take into our daily lives. We may think that we are too busy or too over revved (busy with our day to day responsibilities) for our friendships.  We have to be mindful that our friends need merge as well on our highway.  If a friendship is to survive the journey we must remember that we need to give some time to the Sunday drivers.  The size of our exhausts and brands (our egos, self importance) must take a back seat and allow for our relationships to cruise rather than be rushed, and made feel uncomfortable.  So often we tend to make our friends feel inadequate, and worthless, owing to their unbranded, putt putt they call a car.  (their lives) 

Our actions must reflect our trueness, our commitment to our relationships.  Yes we all get busy but do we have to say to our friends that we are soooooooo busy, making them feel that there is no time for them.  We need to think a little too about our friends situation.  When we know that our true friends are not as financial as we are, do we need to say OH MY GOD I am spending so much on this and that and make them feel more inadequate than they already feel.  Quite often I know that those same friends put their finances further down the slope because they know that they would give their last cent to their friends if they could and give the very little that they have to show them they care and are there for them.

My sister and I had discussed recently how that friendship can be quite one sided.  We discussed how quickly some friendships disappear when your money is depleted.  Suddenly you realize that, when the well is dry, those friends become soooooo busy and have lives that do not include you.  We also discussed that sometimes you and your friends decide to take on other things like holidays, or dinners to find that at the end of it you are left holding the baby and no support has been given.  Dinners become a nightmare! One night you say ‘your shout’ and you encourage your guests to dine like kings or queens in our case.  The next time your friends say ‘their shout’ and immediately as the menu is presented say, ‘OH MY GOD! I could only have the entree size or I am not that hungry.’  This may be true but, don't say this, as your guests for the evening are wanting the queens dinner and are suddenly made to feel that they are mere servants and must eat the peasant meal.  You make them guilty and order the least inexpensive. 

We must realize that to be friends and to have friends is the most wonderful experience.  Something that you must cherish and nurture till the day you no longer have breathe.

Today I thank the painters for making me think, for making me appreciate my friends and to realize that tomorrow may never come.  So make the most of that friendship that partnership on life’s highway.  I thank them for opening my eyes to merge this highway of friendship and to make my friends realize that they are right there on my highway and that together we can create the most wonderful journey and that our road trip is not trip around the block but a journey of care, compassion and love. 

 

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Service with Respect #service

I think everyone knows that times are tough. There would hardly be a business in the world that is not suffering a little at this time.  Yes, you may have the best product but people in general (the consumers) are seeking the best at the cheapest prices.  Everyone is seeking a bargain, coupled with the best service that you can offer and they want nothing less.

 

As more and more people put their business online, those that are left with staff on the floor must target the customer who is not wanting to get on the computer to ‘go to cart’.  Therefore, the business that actually has a sales floor, rather than a virtual salesroom, should start to look at the service they offer and really preen their skills. The people that still physically go to the shops, still believe in service. They  believe that they, the customer, are deserving of this service at the best of price. They want the best quality service and product at the same price as those they have checked out online, who offer no hands on service.

To the businesses that still offer an actual store front as opposed to a virtual storefront, I take my hat off to you. You are dependent on staff who offer first impressions. Staff who are versed on product knowledge. Staff who can get to know their client’s needs and budget in an efficient time frame and offer them service that cannot be found online. Above all encourage clients to visit again and again. 

To the staff, you must remember that your bosses are risking everything to employ you in the model of face to face service.  They, the bosses, need you to keep the service at the highest level and have repeat service or sales from their clients.  

Not many business I know, do not expect the customer to come back in their store unless of course you are an undertaker. A return visit from that client may be of huge benefit, owing to their business being listed in the New Testament (who cares about The Yellow Pages) and that their business will in fact gain media support, without paying a single cent on advertising.  But seriously, even this business needs people to see their business as one that gives the best possible service. And for people to seek that service for their next loved one that may be in need of their product. 

As staff we need to make ourselves that service agent who is as efficient as, and is striving to be the 007 of service and performance.  We need to be that sharp shooter but, we need to be able to understand our mission and those of our bosses and clients.  A hard task I know but our employers have entrusted us with their livelihood and in turn need our figures to ensure ours as well.  Without those figures in the till, we may find ourselves on a mission impossible on the unemployment queue. 

Having said that, yes our employers should, and are legally bound, to provide us with conditions that are legislated. But, we as employees must give our bosses respect and thanks that they (our bosses0 have entrusted their businesses in our hands. Therefore, we need to work harder to keep us in the luxuries to which we have become accustomed, through our job. 

We and the employers must be mindful of our consumers as well, and afford them the respect, and quality, that they have sought, rather than a service equivalent to that which is offered online.  They have chosen to enter our doors and are seeking face to face, hands on service. 

As employers we must supply our staff with the best product knowledge and upskilling we can afford.  No-one wants to enter a business with staff that have no product knowledge and lack the skills to talk to clients. 

Having said that, how many of us have gone online to a virtual store and found it too difficult to navigate owing to it being overcrowded and difficult to find a particular product and get to  cart?  Therefore, if we are wanting our business to attract people to our floors we need to make our shop front look as professional as we believe we are.  We must make our stores as consumer friendly as possible.  The first impression we want, when clients walk through our doors is smart, snappy and visually directional.  Our stock must be as clean as the day it was delivered.  We don't need customers to think our shop front is that of a very ordinary second hand shop. 

Being an employer or an employee are both tough jobs but, we together, must find common ground and respect each other in our individual roles. We need each other to survive.  Therefore, we need work together for our common benefit. 

If we haven't respected each other in the past for our roles, we must start, and take on board that we are dependent on each other. We must take into consideration that there is also a third party involved and that is the consumer. Yes, it is a difficult task but with communication and encouragement on all sides we can make it happen.

Unless we realize and work on our skills, and the service, we supply, we are not going to survive. Therefore, we need to work together on a remedy or, we too, might find ourselves dependent on computer service, computer employment, computer purchases, and indeed computer counselling. Let’s cherish that we have a chance to have that personal touch rather than the cold keyboard that seems to be taking the world by storm.

These are my thoughts 

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