Looking back over the past, I have come to the conclusion that love has always been deeply important to me. Yes, some may say, a little like Peter Pan really in the Never Never Land.
Love in my child-like mind is that of being
unconditional. It is also my belief that love should nurture you, comfort you, and keep you safe. However, the little boy in me has realised
that love also needs to be reciprocated with no conditions, no agenda, nor motive except to be loved and and receive love
in return.
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But, now the little boy has grown up (after all
these years) and realised, that the love I had given over and over again was
very one sided and that I really was never to
be on the end of unconditional love in return.
When I talk this love, I am really talking of
‘parental love’. The love you find, that
is not of blood, is a totally different kind.
That kind of love is a growing, ever striving love that needs to be
worked on to take us through our days together.
But ‘parental love' should be unconditional, a
God given link from the womb to the tomb. This has always been my belief
After thinking soundly through my ‘parental
love’ experience, the only time I thought that I was loved in return, was as a toddler
sneaking in to my mother’s room and kissing her to wake to feed me. My mother worked shift work so would sleep
through the day at this stage and, I believed that love was reciprocated when my
tiny kisses would wake her to feed me.
As I grew, I believed that my kind of love was to be in my mind and no
one needed to return it. It was just my
job to love. Now listening back through
‘Barry Manilow” You Tube, I realise the truth in his words springing into my head: “needing
to belong’, ‘if someone would have said your not alone’, and more sadly ‘all
the wasted time.
It has taken a long time for this little boy to
find himself, to know that he is not lost and that he had the correct idea all along. Love is unconditional, and that love has no
cost, no restrictions, and no agenda. It has taken all this time to reach the
conclusion that, this Peter Pan was not lost. In fact, the parents were the ones lost and did not know how to give love
freely. Their duty was to love with no strings
attached and, that our love returned, would take them to their grave.
Having left ‘Never, Never Land’ I need to put
that all behind me and realise that my kind of love is not, and never will be,
for them. I have to learn to pat myself
on the back and say your not so bad and that I do, indeed, belong. I must realise that throwing my love that way
over and over again is never going to give me love from them. I have to dust off my shoes and concentrate
on my partner's love and know that our love is one based on unconditional, heart
felt, and never ending love even beyond the grave.
I have to let it go, and send my love to the
people that love the same way I do. I need to
love so that love grows and has no barriers. Despite that love not being that of
blood, it has more sustenance than my mother provided by a simple feed as a
toddler. That feed was her
responsibility as a parent, but giving love that is unconditional became her
choice, and she imposed a value on love.
To those who have experienced the same, I urge
you to stop, think, and believe in yourself. Know that you are not so bad,
that you are very valued, and have the right for love to be returned in the same manner as you have
given.
Love has no expiry date. Love has no limitations. Love has no agenda. Love is present and is a gift to be passed on through out the
years.
Till next time,
