Isolation

Isolation has many guises and I can only talk to you of the isolation that I feel, and have felt, as a gay guy.  Isolation doesn't necessarily mean living as Greta Garbo (I want to be alone). It is easy to be surrounded by people, but still be isolated. Quite often, people in general, isolate you from their lives. Most times - and I guess unintentionally - even though they see you as 'out' and, are fine with that, socially you are placed in the too hard basket (no pun intended). You are accepted as their gay son, gay brother, gay friend but, that is just on a one on one basis.  Quite often you are in their presence but not in their circle.

Speaking from my own experience and not blowing my own horn, (again no pun intended) on a one on one basis you are seen as fun to be around. Someone to listen to their stories, care for their well-being, and make their homes look more elegant. You take them to their doctors, lawyers and Indian Chiefs (but never to be introduced). You show them the latest fads in cooking, be the shoulder  they cry on, fix their social media problems - dare invite them as friends and its broke again. You  take the women in your life shopping for shoes, clothing, and tell them they look fab in what they are trying on because their male partners are only interested how much it costs and if their cleavage will show enough. The guys don't care you are there, because they know your not ogling their bounty and, they can stay home watching the TV, or catching up on the hardware catalogues with the latest in power screwdrivers or whackapackers. Don't get me wrong it is great to be needed but, in a full on socialising situation with these people, you are isolated!

Yes you are loved and needed! But, to interact with you in numbers is a totally different ball game. When there are family functions you are gladly accepted for your cooking and entertainment abilities but that's where it stops.  You can feel it once you sit down at the table and you enter the conversations of politics, religion and equal rights.  Immediately, your dear ones start cringing that you may bring up Gay Rights as being part of these topics of discussion.  Of course Gay Rights are, but, you know where this will go. So you zip your lip, pay lip service, and nod appropriately to the initiators of the conversations.  At the end of the gathering everyone rises, says 'Thank you for the delightful food.' A few say, 'We must swap recipes.' God forbid it to be on Facebook or you end on their 'friends' list! You send them off with their little bundles of leftovers (that they tell their straight friends they cooked). They hop in their conservative little cars and drive off into the distance. You close your door and think to yourself  - 'They never got to know me any better than they did before!'  Then you wait for the next big event for which your services will be called on again.

This is part of the isolation that I live with and for the most I accept. But yes ,it does wear you down occasionally.  When you discuss this siuation (one on one) with your dear ones, the comments come flowing  - 'Honey, you know it's because you are gay that you are emotional!  No one means any harm and they enjoy your company.' Yea right! Again the too hard basket and you are no closer to being accepted than you were before! And, then and there from their lips they follow it up with such deep and meaning powers of consolation with, 'Now, how did you do that ham?' And, 'Those stuffed eggplant were  delicious - write down your recipe.' How can you top that, but to say 'Thanks Mum!' and start writing the recipe.

Yes, having said all this, I must say I am in a relationship with a lovely guy who is caring, family oriented, loving, giving and selfless.  He has the ability, because of his origins, to see total good in everyone. That we must respect, accept and never show our feelings of hurt to those that we love. Never to hear, nor read into, the snide remarks that are made of our sexual orientation  (sometimes I think it would be easier to be deaf like he is). But, in his eyes these people are to be respected for their statesmanship of age and wisdom.  Yes, this is a quality I would love to possess. However, I feel we have the right to be accepted as who we are! I long for the day that we can go to these celebrations hand in hand. Reach over and touch your partner on the hand and say thanks, or, give you some support over a comment you have made.  Yes, I long for the day that speaking out of gay rights is no longer necessary.  Therein lies another isolation! For those of you reading this that are straight, how would it feel if you were unable to easily show something as simple as holding hands or a gentle kiss on the cheek to your partner?

You ask how do I conquer this fear of isolation?  Let me say its not easy, but just allow yourself to be open to a friendship that literally can come out of the blue. I am not talking of a lover here, or a partner, but a true friendship - believe me there is one out there (and you only need one).  One that you can be yourself with!  One that you can share your inner most feelings with!  And you know in turn, I believe and know, that they too have inner most feelings to share as well.  I met this friend quite a few years ago. She has been my lifeline really, and yes, I think we have helped each other in many ways. Together we have surged a friendship that is truly blessed, a friendship that our respective partners see as beneficial as water to our daily diets. Our partners are not threatened nor anxious of our friendship - guess it helps them too as we don't nag their ears off he he. You know a great friendship when your server is down and you can't share your craziness of the day.

You have heard my rantings! My advice for those out there who are feeling isolated (gay or straight) is to be open. Let your guard down a bit, don't think everyone out there is the enemy. Because deep down, we all can be isolated in our own way.  And, for those out there who see straights as the enemy, or straights that see gays as the enemy, each and everyone of us needs a friend. We don't need an army to do coffee with, we simply need one friend that can share, advise, care, love and listen to
us. 

Oh Sooo Many Shoes!!

When did my penchant for nice things begin?? OMG! That is like asking me when I realized I liked boys? Don't the two things go hand in hand! My very first love affair was with shoes.  I have loved them for as long as I can remember, along with watches, bracelets, rings and all jewellery in general. I think it comes with the territory.  No, I KNOW it comes with the territory. Besides you can never have too many shoes.

After all you need a suitable shoe for every occasion - in every colour, style, shape and material possible. I have joggers, loafers, sneakers, boots, lace-ups and, slip-ons. I have thongs, sandals, crocs, and scuffs. They come in suede, leather, canvas, mesh, and composite with colours ranging from the fluorescents, beige, orange, grape, yellow and just about every colour in between. After all you cannot afford to have your shoes clashing with your outfit. I have new shoes, old shoes and everything in between shoes. Some are actually haddit but I cannot bear to part with them as they really become an extension of yourself. Come to think of it, no wonder I have soo many shoes as it is vitally important to have a pair of shoes to match every outfit. After all, where would I wear my Aubergine Suede Boots with yellow soles if I did not own canary yellow pants?

Sooo Many Shoes

My shoes are stored in my garage - they outgrew my wardrobe quite a few years ago!!! Whenever people spot them (which is not difficult) they are like, 'Does a fucking centipede live here?' If I was not such a tough nut, I could take offence at such remarks. There is one drawback with shoes tho and that is you can only wear one pair at a time. There is no such restriction on jewellery, thank God! I can accessorize my favourite watch with as many leather bands as I like. Oooops, sometimes though, when my watch is the size of an alarm clock it does get a little difficult. Now add a handful of rings  and a couple of chains and any outfit is complete. I still have a chuckle when I think of a friend of mine who took simply ages to work out I was gay. Hellooo! I would have thought the accessorizing was a dead givaway!

Why is it that our gayness gives us a yearning for nice things? What is it about our gayness that makes us creative? Is it our feminine side that brings out this trait? Or is it our queer, bent persona that gives us our unique flair for being the best dressed at many occasions. It allows us to push the boundaries and be bold and outrageous, sometimes to the dismay of our conservative rellies. But hey, we do not tell them how to dress! Though I think a few of them could do with a gay boys makeover. After all darlings, we are the style queens of the universe. 

Our penchant for nice things is not restricted to our own person. We are the interior designers of the world, we decorate the sets of films, we are the wedding planners with flair and pizzazz! Oh, how I yearn to be the wedding planner for gay weddings!!!! The gifts we give are the most gorgeous under the tree or on the birthday table. Our gifts are the most elegant, the most outrageous, or the most fun. 

This quirky, bent, flair is simply part of us. Our gayness is the essence of who we are, and having 160 pairs of shoes, 35 watches, and too many wristbands to count, is part of that. Let us be true to our sexuality and be loud and proud of who we are and embrace our flamboyance and flair!

Be Proud to be Pink

Bitches Coz

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International Day against Homophobia

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Friday is IDAHO –International Day Against Homophobia.  How sad is it that we can have International Women’s Day to celebrate the place that women now enjoy in society, Harmony Day to celebrate cultural diversity in our country, International or Universal Children’s Day to promote the well-being of children worldwide, and yet, we cannot simply celebrate LGBTI day to celebrate sexual diversity and harmony within society. We have to have a day against homophobia! I know the gay movement has made huge inroads into society’s perception and acceptance of LGBTI people, but there are still huge changes that need to come about before the straight and gay community can live as one without fear or prejudice. 

I was watching ‘A Place to call Home’ last nite and a poor man in that, is undergoing the horrendous shock treatment of the 1950’s to cure him of his ‘ unnatural and perverted urges.’ Thank God those days are behind us in many parts of the world but, in others, young men are still hanged for being openly gay.  Yet in the same countries, those metering out justice think it is perfectly fine to have brides as young as 12 and sodomize young boys on a whim. While the USA is making huge inroads into approving and legalizing same sex marriage, there are some sections of the population that still force their sons into therapy to 'cure' them from this illness. I wonder at which point, some sections of society, actually realize that we did not suddenly wake up one day and decide to be gay. With the bigotry that still exists I really doubt that anyone would choose their sexuality. 

To be gay is not an easy life. Yes, it is becoming easier, and there is greater acceptance of who we are. Thank goodness the days of forced marriages to make us appear 'normal ' to the rest of society, are disappearing. I do not understand why it is acceptable to society for a gay man to be in an unhappy marriage (which was blessed in a Church) with a woman with whom he has no intimate relationship, and yet he cannot legitimize a loving relationship with another man that is his soul mate and life long partner. How many same sex couples are able to openly hold hands whenever and wherever they are. We are always aware of our surroundings and become very good at gauging where our little acts of loving and intimacy could result in our being abused or bashed. How many straight couples would fear being bashed for simply holding hands. How many straight couples have to put up with idiots driving past in cars and screaming out 'Fucking Poofters' or similar abuse? Not many I daresay. As for the Bogans who think that we are somehow a threat to them and will hit on them or something  - sorry fellas we are not interested in you!

I for one am tired of being told that my life circumstances are my own fault for my lifestyle choices. This in itself confuses me, as I sure as hell did not choose to be gay. I was born this way, just the same as every other person is born with their sexuality. I do not know any other way and, in reality, I love my sexuality and myself. I do not know any other way. This is me!!  However, I cannot say the same for all of those close to me. Many have been very keen for me to conform to 'normal' whatever the hell that is. If we cannot have our families accept us unconditionally, the way we are, what hope do we have that the rest of society will? Gay people are simply people! Yes, we tend to seek our own kind but that is simply because we feel comfortable with others of similar ilk. Contrary to popular opinion, it is not all about the pick-up. We understand each other! We have the same needs and wants as the straight community even if we are drama queens at times :)

We go to school the same as everyone else. We nurse you when you are sick. We make you laugh and cry when you watch us in movies and on television. We design your buildings and decorate your houses. We fix your teeth and broken bodies. We defend your country. We cut your hair. We cook your meals. We do the same things as everyone else and everyone is happy to take credit for, and make use of, our talents and creativity. But they still will not allow us to have the same rights as every other person - black, white or brindle!

While in Australia, the LGBTI community enjoy greater freedoms than ever before, we still lag behind other developed countries with our discriminatory practices against the LGBTI community. Why are some sections of society so fearful of allowing same sex marriage? The sun will still rise tomorrow, Armageddon will not arrive, and really it affects no-one else except the couple tying the knot. Yet, we need to have a movement that actively agitates and campaigns for same sex marriage. When I see some of the homophobic comments placed on social media, I despair and cringe that some sections of society can be so fearful and bigoted. Secretly, I think that some of these homophobes would covet a same sex relationship.Are they motivated by jealousy? Methinks they are!

I believe those that can help the LGBTI community break down the barriers and bigotry are mothers.  We should love our children unconditionally and when mothers get together to protect their children they are a formidable force with which to be reckoned. So when we look to celebrate International Day Against Homophobia, all mothers should join with their LGBTI children and go into battle for them. Let us celebrate who we are and actively work towards a world where we are not seen as gay or any other label that someone wishes to bestow. We will simply be valued and loved as us. We will celebrate our difference as we are embraced for our sameness, acknowledged for out uniqueness, and loved for ourself!

Let us know of your experience - good and bad!

Bitches Coz 

Absofuckingglutenly Gluten Free

Hi guys, we are back again and this time we are on our band wagon, or is that shopping trolley, about food.   Ok, I preface this topic with one thing on my mind and that is Gluten Free, and I ask you today - how many times have you gone into a cafe for a coffee, and a light meal - and when it arrived dove into it and thought, 'How many rubber thongs were culled to make that?' or, 'Why does this look so good, yet taste like it was made from the sand off the shoes of a camel driver?'  Worse still, how many times have you eaten it and it has the flavour of a cardboard recycling plant?

Would it not be lovely to go in and have the same types of foods your friends are having? Wouldn't it be nice for your friends to eat the same as you and enjoy it and not make you feel like a smoker exiled to another realm?
Well the other day I discovered Gluten Free foods that looked good, tasted great, and even my friends were in awe of my order.  Yes folks, I discovered the foods of a couple of foodies. Their products go under the name of Lee and Hock Lai's Kitchen.  The salad wraps made the filling the star of the dish. The wraps held the fillings in - no more salad covered hands as the whole thing split! They tasted light and delicious. Best of all they were Gluten Free - I thought I had died and gone to heaven, and so did my tummy! Fantastic food without the bloat!

I then thought I would try some of their cakes - OMG!! They were awesome - not too sweet, not gluey, just mouth watering.
I just want to say that if you don't ask your favourite coffee haunt to get their gluten free supplies from  Lee and Hock Lai's Kitchen you are missing out on a little slice of heaven.
Check out these guys! Taste their stuff and ask your supermarkets to stock their brands. Be kind to your taste buds, as well as your tummy. Impress your friends with food that tastes like everyone else is eating.

Give us your thoughts!

Bitches Coz

Egg and Lettuce Wraps - gluten free - Yummo

Mother's Day

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When I look back over my life and ponder what has been, I realize that we have been through a lot over the years. Together, we have been through cyclones, floods, earthquakes, accidents, the mourning of loved ones, the morning after a big night out!!!

Together we have debated women's rights, civil rights, children's rights, aged and disability rights.We have even debated my rights and the limitations of my gay rights in our household!

Yes, we have been through a lot together.  We have seen food fads, fashion fads, decor fads, designer fads, health fads - fads of distaste over things I do and say fads!
We have been through the financial crisis, global warming crises, millennium bug crisis, pandemic crises, 9/11 crisis and my relationship crises!

We have seen debacles of public transport, political and religious debacles, heinous debacles of child abuse and the debacle of how to dress down for my very straight laced Aunty's daughter's wedding.

Together we have dissected the conspiracy theories of Elvis, the man on the moon, the death of Diana and more recently the missing flight 308. And of course, the conspiracy theory as to why I have so many shoes and watches.

These topics we have discussed, laughed aloud at, got heated over, and cried uncontrollably with. In a world of flux and change, and dramas our lives have witnessed, the one constant is the love we have with our mothers.

Join with me talk of some experiences you have with your Mum!!!!!

Happy Mother's Day Mum and to all the other mothers out there!!!!


Bitchescoz

Keeping Abreast of Education

As the education revolution (or is that evolution) continues to roll forward it becomes increasingly difficult to balance time and resources - firstly, to ensure that education is relevant, secondly, that education is interesting and thirdly, that there is actually time to fit in all the competing subject matter.

How many times do we hear people complaining about the standard of today's education and demanding a return to the 'good old days' of the three R's, rote learning, and learning a lot about a little. Today kids learn a little about a lot as our knowledge as a world grows exponentially. I would love to see how we try to go backwards. Can you imagine in a world where kids embrace technology in the womb, how they go back to boring, unimaginative, regimented learning. Yes, I personally think the world is a little out of kilter, where technology is used as a babysitter and our children are wrapped in a cocoon of over-protectiveness. These issues however, are ones that should be dealt with at home and not in the haloed halls of eduction.

Schools have enough troubles keeping kids focused with the competition of smart phones opening up the mine field of social media, the time sink of Candy Crush, and the general concept of the internet in general. You should try getting them to refer to a text book when researching!!!!! Thank God the content of Wikapedia is actually improving and as for those answer sites - OMG! Why on earth would you ask anything of importance on a site where everyone else is of the same standard?? The answers roll into assignments and the cringe factor is only surpassed by the standard of grammar. So how do we fix this? How do we get parents to spend more time with their children's learning when they themselves are so time poor? Does it even need fixing? Do we need to be as pedantic  about maths and spelling and grammar? After all, we have all these tools that do, and fix, all that for us now!

Technology alone changes at a rate never seen before. It changes and challenges our lives in every way as we struggle to accept change and keep up with the concepts that the bright young minds of today keep exploring. Five years ago, no-one would ever have dreamed that the 3D Printer would be on the cusp of printing prosthetic limbs, houses, electrical circuitry for the heart and even organs. Yet, now we talk very matter of factly about one of the most exciting and life changing phenomenon since the discovery of antibiotics. Let's hope we don't bugger this one up, like we have the antibiotic scenario. This rate of change shows us that the clever young minds are out there, willing to explore concepts that the majority never dream of.  Many of these geeks are the ones who 'fail' miserably with conventional education. They are the ones who are often the worst behaved at school as we fail to keep them interested or stimulated. Yet, they go on to change the world in ways we never think possible.

So the challenge for those responsible for educating our children is not only to provide the basics for all, not only to somehow pacify the parents out there who refuse to take any responsibility while demanding more and more, but to somehow embrace and stimulate these brightest minds who at the moment succeed in spite of us. We need to think outside the square. I work in Science and our challenge every day is to deliver the content yet stimulate the curiosity and, most of all have fun.One Institution rising to the challenge is Dr Claudia Diaz at the Melbourne Institute of Technology where her students in Human Anatomy paint muscles onto the body of another student. The end result is amazing and I am sure that none of the students involved will ever forget the name or location of one single muscle in the human body :)

Photos: Simon O’Dwyer | The Age

These are the type of learning tools we need to embrace. If only we had enough time! Maybe, in our exploration of the education revolution (or is that evolution) we need to throw out our preconceived ideas of text is best and embrace the visual, the technology, and let our brightest minds learn at their own pace.

I believe there is a place in society for each and every one of us. There is also a job for each and every one of us. We need our truck drivers as much as we need our brain surgeons. We need our cleaners as much as we need our engineers. Our education system is slowly tailoring itself to such a concept with TAFE based training becoming the 'norm' in schools but we still fail our brightest. We need to stimulate them, let them run their own race and not be impeded by the shackles of 'one size fits all'. 

At a time when education is well and truly in the spotlight with the brawling over funding, of public versus private, of who should pay and who should not, let us also debate not only the use of  this funding but the quality of education of all young Australians. Australia has always been a leader in invention and innovation so let us keep the ball rolling and keep our enquiring young minds excited. 

Give us your thoughts and ideas!

Photos: Simon O’Dwyer | The Age

Technology - Friend or Foe?

Technology has changed our lives beyond our wildest imagination. Has it made our lives easier? Well that is debatable! Has it made our lives simpler? Definitely not. Yes, you can pay your bills at midnight, you can go shopping anywhere in the world at any time of the day, you can collect work emails long after the office has closed. We watch catastrophic events unfold before our eyes, we connect with our family and friends no matter where in the world they be, and we have more immediate knowledge of the world and its environment than ever before. However, for how convenient technology can be it definitely has not made life more simple.

Everywhere you go, people have their little ear buds in - isolated in their cocoon of music, be they running, studying, commuting and even swimming (heaven forbid). Yes, it means you don't have to say hello to the bothersome person coming the other way but hey, they might actually end up being your best friend, your wife, your husband, or your lover. Everyone's eyes are glued to a screen, no matter where they are - at the footy, at a restaurant, at a nightclub, in the school playground, on a pedestrian crossing, just about anywhere. What is it they say about the bacterial contamination of the screen of the smart phone? It is dirtier than the toilet bowl, from texting and using social media while otherwise occupied. That aside, where has the art of interpersonal conversation gone? Tho there is one advantage - it's sure as hell a lot easier to tell someone to bugger off via Facebook or Twitter. Even the humble text removes the angst in telling someone to get lost.

Everything we do today can be done online. Make your life simple they say! And yes, it is simple once you learn to weave your way through the upselling, the Paypals, the likes and the hashtags. It is simple till something goes wrong. Then the nightmare begins. You email they say! And yes you email - but on-one answers. Too bad if you are hanging by your fingernails over some precipice! Then you try to ring someone! OMG!!!!!!!!!!

Recently, a friend was trying to check the status of his visa before heading off overseas. It is simple they say! Just check online! Fine but what if the website refuses to divulge the information and tells you that you require assistance and to ring this number. Oh crap! It is now 7.30pm, so we have to wait till 9am the following day. That is ok, we can cope with that. At precisely 9.00am we ring the haloed number - you guessed it we were placed in a queue. Over 45mins later (I was bold enough to whipper snipper the lawn in this time) we have an operator. I explained to her our problem, and that I was speaking on behalf of my friend who is deaf. Her first response was that she had to speak to my friend. I said 'How are you going to do that? He is deaf. He cannot hear you.' To which she replied 'Well I cannot speak to anyone else.' I do not know the intelligence of some people employed by the Department of Immigration but my reply was then 'What part of fucking deaf do you not understand?' She then became very defensive, and my dear friend is in the background shouting 'I am deaf. I am deaf.' In all the hullaballoo the call was disconnected and we had to start again.

We finally managed to sort the problem at about 1.30pm, a total of 4.5hrs of being places in a queue listening to inane messages of how important our call was!!!! Made me long for the day when we simply rang a number and someone answered 'Good Morning, how can I help you?' With the empowerment of technology has come an enormous dis-empowerment when you need some help or answers. By the time you get past the computer generated interrogation to be placed in a queue for however long, to be finally answered by someone who can hardly speak English, you are ready to reach down the phone and grab someone by the throat! These call centers now rule our lives - from calling the local police, to making a complaint about a bill, to ordering pizza, almost every single call now begins with a recorded message. 

There is no doubt we can never return to the 'good old days' of being totally disconnected. I for one am addicted to my smart phone and feel quite lost if I have left it at home. We use social media to post touchy feely ramblings, to post memes that make us laugh, to help find missing pets and family. However, the human touch and spirit are certainly being lost  with our ever increasing dependance on technology as an actual means of communication. I fear our 'visible conscience' no longer works when we are not connected face to face, or ear to ear, and so it is easy for the vitriol to roll and then simply press 'Post'. There is no fear of consequences of how the recipient might feel and it becomes a free for all barrage of abuse.

So lets embrace our technology and use it to make our lives easier - oops I have bills to pay tonite!! But let us also not forget our human spirit and not treat people simply as a number in a queue. If a massive solar flare causes failure of our telecommunications network, one day you might actually have to speak to someone and Heaven forbid, you may have forgotten how!