A Postcript to 'Is being Gay a Disability?'

Today, I was actually going to publish a totally different post, but this is a continuation of my last post really so here goes! Tonite, on Channel 10, Michael Parkinson interviews Ian Thorpe and asks him the big question about his sexuality. I know there have been questions about Ian Thorpe's sexuality since day dot, but hey, is this really any body's business but his own? Why is there this need for anyone to know? Since, the previews of this interview have hit the airways, it is all over the news - Ian Thorpe is gay! I wonder if he came out in the interview and said he was going to be a Dad and getting married would the news headlines have said - Ian Thorpe is straight. I do not think so!!!

I have nothing but admiration for Ian Thorpe and his coming out. He has battled with mental health issues in the last few years and hopefully he will now find peace. What is a sad reflection on our society, is that there is any need at all for him to even feel the need to publicly declare his sexuality. Why can't he simply be seen in public with his partner and everyone just accept that is his choice. Does this make him a different person to the one previous to the interview? Absolutely not! The fact that there is even this need to come out publicly simply reinforces my previous article where there seems to be this need to put us in a box. Hello, boxes do not interest us at all :)

We just want to be seen as people, cos after all, that is simply what we are. When they asked people on the street what they thought of Ian Thorpe's coming out, the answers were quite heartwarming. They ranged from -'This is 2014, why is this even an issue?' to 'Good on him, he is an amazing athlete!' There are messages of encouragement from our own Magda, and Rodney Croombe from Marriage Equality Australia commended him saying it would make life easier for others coming out and even prevent some from taking their own life.

How sad is it that there is still such angst in expressing our sexuality, that there is such a need to hide behind the facade of heterosexuality. This is what the gay movement is all about. It is about being ourselves without shame or favour. It is about being ourselves, being free to hold hands in public, to steal that little kiss or secret look without someone screaming that we are rubbing our sexuality in their face. At this point in time, we tend to hang out with our gay brothers and sisters in gay clubs and bars. But, we also risking gay apartheid, where we totally segregate ourselves from the straight community. This would be a shame as our fight to be equal really fails. The only way we are really equal is if we mix freely and equally on all levels of society,and that includes our feeling comfortable socializing with everyone and them feeling comfortable socializing with us. One day there will be no them and us.

Ian Thorpe is/was an amazing athlete. He has every right to be proud of his achievements because he has achieved at a level that only few can aspire to. Australia should be proud of Ian Thorpe because we basked in his glory and took credit when he stood on that podium and collected gold. Now we should be doubly proud. We wish him well in his future life! May he find true happiness with the man of his dreams. May society leave him to enjoy his peaceful existence and Australia should remember him for the truly amazing athlete that he was. His sexuality, while defining who he is on a personal level, should not and does not define who he is on a public level. We do not judge those who heal us who are gay, we do not judge those that teach who are gay, we do not judge those who entertain us who are gay and the list goes on.

So, Ian Thorpe, Australia does not judge you. We applaud you!

Cheers!

Bitchescoz!

Contact: luke65mcbride@gmail.com
 

Miserable, Bemused and Fucking Angry #LGBTI #transgender #homophobia

Today, I am a little miserable; ok bemused; ok fucking angry!!!!  As you read yesterday, I was concerned about the misuse of power by the media, played out against a minority.  I was reflecting on how we ride the curl to achieve acceptance, and how a few words can set a movement, that has fought long and hard to achieve equality, back with some snide and stupid remarks, all for the benefits of the ratings game.

I am miserable because I believe that that trio should have at least apologized for their misuse of power and that the management of the station should have acted responsibly, with haste, to rectify the situation.  I believe those individuals, undergoing gender transition, should be admired for having the strength of character to proceed. Having the strength to endure the hardships they are facing, not only on a personal level but, the hardship of acceptance and adjustment in the wider community.  This transition cannot be a simple nip and tuck or, adding a digit to ones life surely? (The extensive counseling before gender reassignment is proof of this!)  Therefore, I believe that no one has the right to slight someone regarding their rights and human dignity.

Let it be said, that myself, and other friends of mine (straight and gay) tweeted and Facebooked to try to achieve a response, and Heaven forbid, an apology from this station. We called to others that they take responsibility, that we are in this race together.  How simple could it have been, for these 3 bandits, to recognize their insensitive, disrespectful, and arrogant comments.

Bemused that at the end of the day, if I should think that these people (if I can use that word) are so opinionated and have no respect for others! Or do they just lack class and are simply worth nothing but their ratings?

Fucking Angry?  Yes I am, that the LGBTI community did not stand to be counted in this pursuit for an apology.  Yes, a few retweeted!  Yes a few wrote to me and cheered me on but, did they actually stand for the cause that we have have been struggling with for centuries or, since the beginning of time? The answer is a resounding -NO!!!!!!!!!! 

It is all well and good, to stand offshore and watch and feel the wind blowing in our beautifully sun bleached hair. To listen to, through our earbuds, the revamped version of Gloria Gaynor singing 'We will Survive!'  We can all airbrush our boards to make them look awesome. Make them appear that we are great surfers. We can be amped up and prepared for the waves. We can all dream of the backdoor of the pipeline, which is a deep wave of movement, that we want to get amongst.  But, do we get to the outside where the waves are furtherest from the shore?  Do we meet those set waves and feel the rail grab? Do we throw ourselves in to catch that wave and feel those deepwater breaks? Or, do we simply want to do flat water surf, or ankle slop in the mush? While the real surfers are stoked for their wave because, they believe that this, is where the reason for their passion takes breath. They are prepared to be hammered! To aim to be the Hellman of the great wave of life, that they are in. Yes, I want to ride that wave! I am not prepared to sit and watch the waves from the shore, without getting into the surf.

Yes our ride is on a peak and can be gnarly! Yes, we are in an impact zone but, before we can face the glassy pristine waters without waves, and enjoy the sun, we must remember - that together we can be assured our cord is attached to our community for safety. That we do have the guns to face the greatest waves and challenges of our lives.

Don't sit back, enjoy the surf.  It can be exhilarating, mind blowing and life changing.  Hang ten on your board and enjoy the curl.
 
Cheers

Bitchescoz

Contact: luke65mcbride@gmail.com

Courier Mail

Regret

Recently on Facebook there was, in a Nurse's newsfeed, a post about the dying and regret! In amongst the regrets of the dying listed, was the regret of not living a life true to oneself. It was in their final days, when the dying had made peace with their lot and awaited their Maker with the resignation of acceptance, that they confided in those who were blessed with helping these people through their final days and hours. These angels in the guise of nurses have made public this list in hope of making a difference in people's lives before it is too late.

When all is said and done, how many of us actually lead a life true to ourselves? How many actually pursue a life of happiness and true self fulfillment? And, when we do how many are judged as selfish and self absorbed? Very early in our lives we are taught that 'happiness' is irrevocably entwined in the happiness of others. Thus, the stage is set from infancy, that for those around us to be happy we must act in a way that pleases others. This conditioning is reinforced throughout our various stages of life. Firstly, we crave the happiness and acceptance of our parents. We move though our childhood pleasing our siblings, our friends, and our teachers. And when adulthood looms, we conform to please society, marrying as expected, producing children as expected and thus creating a whole new set of people that require pleasing.  This need to please continues our entire lives as we move through the various stages. And, the realization has just dawned, that the very fabric of society is built on approval, and the behaviour, that results from the craving for this.

In our quest for acceptance, we wear ridiculous fashion, we follow the latest fads and, the more we try to be different to fit into our peer group, the more we become the same. The competitiveness between individuals drives us to strive for bigger and better possessions, flashier cars, cuter children, smarter children, and the list goes on. At what stage of our life do we say 'I don't give a flying fuck what you think, I am going to please myself!' For some of us that day will never come. We stay in unhappy marriages, conforming to the wants of our partners.We allow our children  to dictate the terms and bully us. Our families boss us around telling us how to live our lives, when they are flat out living their own.  We vote in governments that decide their policy on their ideals and not what is best for the people and country. I am surprised that anyone has enough capacity for 'self' to be able to even recognize, let alone regret, not living a life true to oneself.

If this is life for the Mr and Mrs Average who go through life with the boring mediocrity expected of them, how the hell does the average gay guy manage to avoid this regret. The pressure of family, of society, of government means it is sometimes difficult for homosexual people to even acknowledge their sexuality, let alone be loud and proud. We are not openly demonstrative of our love in the company of family and friends, let alone in public. It is slowly improving and I believe it will be easier for the young gay guys coming through, but hell, it is not that long ago that it was actually illegal for two males to have sex with each other. Is society ready for us to live our lives the way we need to so we dodge the bullet of this particular regret? I do not think so!

The only consolation here is that the LGBTI population does not have a mortgage on this. This is a regret that is universal. Whilst it means different things to different people depending on the shackle they wish to cast off , I do not think the world is ready for gay abandonment (sorry guys for pinching your saying for everyone). Can you imagine a world where we all pleased ourselves? Oh God, how absolutely divine would that be. I don't know about you but I have often dreamed of a time where I could simply sail off into the sunset and tell everyone to 'Fuck off!'

I have made some huge steps in my personal life to living my life the way I want to. This has come at a cost but, it is one I am prepared to pay cos I simply am not prepared to live my life as one huge regret. When the time comes for me to look back over my life and reflect what has been, I do not want to say I have lived my whole life according to others.  Sure, there will be regrets and I do not know if they are accumulative, but now I intend to try to stay true to my wants and needs. With minor deviations due to outside pressure, with the help of my partner I/we will live a life true to myself/ourselves.

So take stock of your life, look to yourself to make a difference in your life. After all there is really only one person who is master of your destiny - and that is yourself!

Have strength!

Bitches Coz

A Loving nation!

Tonight, I was watching Ricki Martin talk openly about his sexuality and his coming out - the freedom it has given him and peace with who he is. This honesty with our family and friends is still a struggle for some of us as we try to find a way to let those we know and love that we are gay. Funny thing is, a lot of them are aware of this long before we are. I feel sad that there is still this hesitation to publicly acknowledge our sexuality. I actually long for the day when it is no longer an issue - that we are simply people! That we are truly treated equally in every way.

However, when we are fretting about whether or not we are judged on our sexuality, walk in the shoes of someone who is not only gay but has a disability as well. This most amazing man in my life is hearing impaired if we want to be politically correct, or, as he says 'I'm deaf!' He never complains of his lot and with the innocence of a child he sees only good. He brings out the protector in me but he is the most self sufficient, diligent, generous person I know. He has worked his entire adult life, but has battled against the odds to gain employment. He has done this without government help or support. Recently, after leaving his job to relocate, he insisted that we put his disability on his Resume even though it is against the law to discriminate against somebody on such grounds. Why did he do this? Because he said when people find out he is deaf, they will not employ him. He is so honest that he would rather tell them straight up. It does not stop the discrimination, it simply short circuits the recruitment process. They simply do not even bother acknowledging his application.
It is their loss however, as this man is amazing at his job. You will not get a more conscientious, hard working. or talented worker than he! He brings amazing value to any business that he works for. However, discrimination  is alive and well in this country and I am sure that many employers equate hearing impaired with stupid. Forgive me for my passion on this subject , but with glowing references, amazing talent, and the work ethic of a workaholic there is no reason that this man is not employed except for the fact he has a disability. To the employers out there smug in the ivory towers, I hope you get the quality of workers you deserve!

Sour grapes, I hear you say! I do not think so! His predicament has really brought discrimination into focus for me. At a time when the Government is doing everything possible to get the entire population into the workforce, the reality may differ greatly to the dream. There is discrimination across the entire spectrum of the population. Women are discriminated against as they may have a baby; the LGBTI Community is discriminated against because people feel threatened by us or something; the disabled are discriminated against because of their disability; older people are discriminated against as they may not be as agile; and others are discriminated against on the basis of race. The list goes on and on! While such bigotry exists how does anyone who is not Caucasian male between the age of 25 and 45 get a job. The talent in the pool of 'others' is amazing. All that is required is for the smug few who have been drinking their own bathwater for too long, to find their reality gene, and realize that all of these groups have so much to give.

At a time when we are told to embrace and celebrate the diversity of Australian Society, I think we still have a long way to go. We are told our tough budget is for the good of the country and the direction in which, we as a country have to move. However, equally as important are the humanitarian issues that actually will not cost a cent. They will actually save money and some may even help to swell the empty coffers we are always hearing about. Let us stop the blatant discrimination against the LGBTI community and allow them to marry. The sun will still rise and the world will continue to revolve on its axis. Let us have real debate about euthanasia! I for one do not want to end my days with the indignity of dementia, incontinence and human frailty! We cannot afford to keep these human shells that actually died when their memories faded and the madness of dementia crept in. I am sure if we asked them when they were competent they would agree there is no quality of life in soiled nappies and bed sores.  Let us look after our mentally ill, who at this point make up a huge chunk of our prison populations and homeless. Let us make sure that our disabled are treated equally on a level playing field. We insist on ramps being installed, toileting facilities be available, access to parking and public places and yet we deny them employment.

Sometimes, I am ashamed to be Australian. While we have a lot to be thankful for, there are many gaps in the fabric of our society though which each and every one of us fall. Next time you judge the homeless man begging on the street, wonder what brought him from his home and warm bed to such circumstances. When you deny the disabled their place in society, you will do well to remember - There but for the Grace of God go I! It happens in the wink of an eye - a life irrevocably changed forever! Fear not the gay boy you scorn and yell abuse at on the street or the football field! He will not hurt you and he sure as hell will not hit on you! 

This little rant only scratches the surface of discrimination that the politically correct attempt to eliminate! It just goes to show you that no amount of legislation can change attitudes! That my friends comes from within!  

Yours in our Loving Country

Bitches Coz

International Day against Homophobia

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Friday is IDAHO –International Day Against Homophobia.  How sad is it that we can have International Women’s Day to celebrate the place that women now enjoy in society, Harmony Day to celebrate cultural diversity in our country, International or Universal Children’s Day to promote the well-being of children worldwide, and yet, we cannot simply celebrate LGBTI day to celebrate sexual diversity and harmony within society. We have to have a day against homophobia! I know the gay movement has made huge inroads into society’s perception and acceptance of LGBTI people, but there are still huge changes that need to come about before the straight and gay community can live as one without fear or prejudice. 

I was watching ‘A Place to call Home’ last nite and a poor man in that, is undergoing the horrendous shock treatment of the 1950’s to cure him of his ‘ unnatural and perverted urges.’ Thank God those days are behind us in many parts of the world but, in others, young men are still hanged for being openly gay.  Yet in the same countries, those metering out justice think it is perfectly fine to have brides as young as 12 and sodomize young boys on a whim. While the USA is making huge inroads into approving and legalizing same sex marriage, there are some sections of the population that still force their sons into therapy to 'cure' them from this illness. I wonder at which point, some sections of society, actually realize that we did not suddenly wake up one day and decide to be gay. With the bigotry that still exists I really doubt that anyone would choose their sexuality. 

To be gay is not an easy life. Yes, it is becoming easier, and there is greater acceptance of who we are. Thank goodness the days of forced marriages to make us appear 'normal ' to the rest of society, are disappearing. I do not understand why it is acceptable to society for a gay man to be in an unhappy marriage (which was blessed in a Church) with a woman with whom he has no intimate relationship, and yet he cannot legitimize a loving relationship with another man that is his soul mate and life long partner. How many same sex couples are able to openly hold hands whenever and wherever they are. We are always aware of our surroundings and become very good at gauging where our little acts of loving and intimacy could result in our being abused or bashed. How many straight couples would fear being bashed for simply holding hands. How many straight couples have to put up with idiots driving past in cars and screaming out 'Fucking Poofters' or similar abuse? Not many I daresay. As for the Bogans who think that we are somehow a threat to them and will hit on them or something  - sorry fellas we are not interested in you!

I for one am tired of being told that my life circumstances are my own fault for my lifestyle choices. This in itself confuses me, as I sure as hell did not choose to be gay. I was born this way, just the same as every other person is born with their sexuality. I do not know any other way and, in reality, I love my sexuality and myself. I do not know any other way. This is me!!  However, I cannot say the same for all of those close to me. Many have been very keen for me to conform to 'normal' whatever the hell that is. If we cannot have our families accept us unconditionally, the way we are, what hope do we have that the rest of society will? Gay people are simply people! Yes, we tend to seek our own kind but that is simply because we feel comfortable with others of similar ilk. Contrary to popular opinion, it is not all about the pick-up. We understand each other! We have the same needs and wants as the straight community even if we are drama queens at times :)

We go to school the same as everyone else. We nurse you when you are sick. We make you laugh and cry when you watch us in movies and on television. We design your buildings and decorate your houses. We fix your teeth and broken bodies. We defend your country. We cut your hair. We cook your meals. We do the same things as everyone else and everyone is happy to take credit for, and make use of, our talents and creativity. But they still will not allow us to have the same rights as every other person - black, white or brindle!

While in Australia, the LGBTI community enjoy greater freedoms than ever before, we still lag behind other developed countries with our discriminatory practices against the LGBTI community. Why are some sections of society so fearful of allowing same sex marriage? The sun will still rise tomorrow, Armageddon will not arrive, and really it affects no-one else except the couple tying the knot. Yet, we need to have a movement that actively agitates and campaigns for same sex marriage. When I see some of the homophobic comments placed on social media, I despair and cringe that some sections of society can be so fearful and bigoted. Secretly, I think that some of these homophobes would covet a same sex relationship.Are they motivated by jealousy? Methinks they are!

I believe those that can help the LGBTI community break down the barriers and bigotry are mothers.  We should love our children unconditionally and when mothers get together to protect their children they are a formidable force with which to be reckoned. So when we look to celebrate International Day Against Homophobia, all mothers should join with their LGBTI children and go into battle for them. Let us celebrate who we are and actively work towards a world where we are not seen as gay or any other label that someone wishes to bestow. We will simply be valued and loved as us. We will celebrate our difference as we are embraced for our sameness, acknowledged for out uniqueness, and loved for ourself!

Let us know of your experience - good and bad!

Bitches Coz