Punishment, Cardinal Sins #abuse #pedophile #catholicchurch

As you would have read recently, my body copped some punishment from paving. You may also realize by now that I am a sunshine boy and though I appreciate the rain, it gives me a trembling of what is to come.  It gives me a damp shivers that cut deep to my heart and soul.

The last couple of days have rained continually and my sadness builds with every drop that falls. To this day, I am not a lover of sodden clothes.  Along with the sodden clothes, and the punishment that this paving has given my body over the last few days, my mind wanders back to a time where I know I should have been able to enjoy simply being me, without consequence, without fear. 

St Stephens Brisbane (en.wikipedia.org)

My mind wanders to when this young surfer boy with  blue eyes, sun bleached, blonde hair, and brown as a berry skin, was learning to accept his own sexuality and simply being me.  A young Catholic boy attending Catholic schools, attending Catholic rituals and trusting that confession was the correct, and God expected, thing to do.  So, along to the parish priest I would go, expecting forgiveness in readiness for the next sins, and so forth, as all cheeky good boys would do. The priest of the time would accept my confession and deliver my penance.  That penance was to be washing his car.  He had a penchant for shiny chromed wheels.  He would hold the hose pointing and drenching the sinner with water as he inspected his passion.  So not to go home to my parents with sodden clothes they would need to be dried in the dryer while he satisfied another penchant and served his penance.  The sins that I was developing needed to be curbed after all and who better than a man of the cloth to discourage my sins.  Each sin he would proclaim in his words 'punishment time' and my body would learn the wrath of God in a very 'hard' way.  For my initial sin, of admitting who I was, it was recommended that I speak solely to him, on a regular and confidential basis.  Of which this dumb, little surfer boy accepted.  How else without the acceptance of God was I going to exist in this world.

This 'punishment time' went for what seems to have been a life time.  My saviour for my sins was to be going away with his parents for his father to be installed as Governor of a service organization. His advice was not to confess to his replacement but, to wait till his return, for what might be a bulk confession, and forgiveness, in one go.  In his absence there was to be quite a few who would hold back their confessions until his return.  Over the next few weeks a few of us discovered that our sins were familiar and carried the same penalties. Only then did we realize that, maybe they were not the will of God, but man made. Together, with discussion, we decided to meet with the Bishop to get his view on our 'acts of confession'.  He agreed that these were not proper.  He would deal with it.  'Priests were very hard to get,' he said so he would discourage him from his penchant for shiny chrome wheels.

Back then, none of us had any idea of compensation. Not one of us wanted nor needed it. We all came from fairly influential parents so what's money.   All we needed was recognition and comfort for what we appeared to be suffering together.  Suffering from being ourselves. To this day I might add none of us have been comforted by any member of the clergy. On his return from his fathers installation, my confessor confronted me and the others that we had ruined his life.  That we would have embarrassed him to his Superintendent of Police father and Governor of this charity service organization.

His ruination existed for approximately 3 days until he was moved to the chaplain for elderly Catholic care-giving ladies.  Later to be appointed parish priest of a new parish which consisted of a primary school and a boys boarding college.  I guess a buffet of treats awaited for his ruination after all.

About two weeks ago now that same priest was buried with fanfare from the city cathedral, his parish church and a family ceremony.  I would assume that his fanfare was not, as one of the guys in my group's, whose fanfare was from the hands of 3 predators, male prostitution, drugs and AIDS. Yes, I am one of the lucky ones, who accepted my life choices, never went to confession again, believed that my God is a God of love and that these inhumane humans will one day meet a greater penance giver, in their after life.

Yes, this rain brings sadness to me. Yes, my thoughts are not nice of Cardinals, who still have the right to offer nothing, but a lousy bit of money (yes money not compassion) for those who were not as lucky as me.  Yes, my thoughts are angry as to why a man who served his church as a lay music minister in Chicago for 16 years was dismissed because he proposed to his boyfriend.  Yes, my sadness is existent because my church was built on love - not on money, my church was built on equality - not on sexuality.  Yet my church is governed by power, greed, and bigotry.  These cardinals dress in frocks that our worst dressed drag queens would never wear on a Friday or Saturday night. These men need learn that the attendance at the very church, of which they govern, is falling below their hem line rather than just accepting that we all have failings. We all have sin, and together as one, we may build a faith that is built on love and respect for each, and every, human being.  Only then will the flocks come back to the men in frocks.

So my prayer is: 
Please God may the sunshine come out tomorrow, 
May the downpour cleanse and refresh us, 
May it give us hope for a better future, a future that is fueled by love not division.   
May it give us a freedom to be who we are. 
A freedom for the churches to take responsibility for their actions of neglect.  
A freedom to say sorry for the sins of the past and never to repeat.  
And may my prayer give Freedom to forgive and accept those sins of the past. 
Amen. 

Please keep up the emails. Until next time take care, and remember, we are in this together and the sun will come out tomorrow.

Cheers!

Bitchescoz

 Contact: luke65mcbride@gmail.com

Tomorrow - Annie (Movie)

commons.wikimedia.org

Nothing's Gonna Harm You #love #samesexmarriage #lgbti

You know, loving someone to me, is as individual as your personal view of the sunset or the rising sun.  We look at something, and others see a totally different slant, than we do.  Not one of our views is incorrect, as it comes from within.

Views on loving someone is as individual as our DNA. So how can love be compartmentalized? How can any love be wrong?  How can a love between two consenting adults be discouraged?  How can churches dictate how not to love, when their whole philosophy (apparently) is based on love?  Why does politics, stick its ugly head in there and follow churches, when you only have to look at Parliamentary sittings and know there is not a lot of love happening in our houses of government. Surely if church philosophy governs governments, then they should cast out politicians daily for their lack of love and support for each other. 

When a mother loves a child, does she not see that her child is the most glorious, beautiful creature. No matter how others see that child, that love is as individual as that sunrise viewed by millions.  But her love does not lesson as the sun sets on that child's years.  The same can be said for the love that most of us feel for our partners.  Admittedly, the love is not of blood, but our love for that person is as unique as our fingerprints.

Is this love based on sex, I don't think so.  Yes it does play a part as an expression of that love, but for most of us I guess, as the sun goes down on our years and we just sit, and hold the hand of the one we love, sex will not play a big part.  The big part will be the constancy, the impact of the sharing of ourselves for the long haul.  The reflectiveness, the joy, that our  love has brought to our lives.

Over the years inter-racial unions have formed, and luckily for most, seeing people of different colours walking hand in hand has been exorcised from the bigoted minds. (Which was brought on mainly by religions I feel.)  For most of us we don't even look at the colour. What we do look at however is the love that is present in that union, that joy and respect for each other.  I personally cannot see the problem with unions of any kind.  Yes, you may say because I am gay is why I feel that same sex unions should be accepted without discrimination.  Not so! It is because I believe we have the fundamental right to choose who we wish to spend our lives with, and no one, should be frowned upon because of that love.  We are consenting adults with our own minds and hearts.

Personally I feel if you are not harming anyone else then your love should be accepted, encouraged and respected.  No Church, no government, should have the right to change our hearts and God given makeup.  Not once do we see churches or governments frown upon the union of a man or a woman who is unionized, so to speak, with someone much younger than themselves.  For most, they simply say, 'Good on them!' and not give it a second thought.  Never once do we see the church frown on the union of a man and a woman who are past procreational years.  However, procreation is one of the platforms they stand on, to exempt same sex marriages. What does the actual, physical, sexual act have anything to do with people who have chosen to stay pure, which again, is their their right.

We also see churches refuse membership to those who have divorced without the written annulment of their marriage vows.  I just want to know how the church proclaims an annulment between a member of the clergy who is married to the Son of God etc.  I sure as hell would not be saying that one of those parties has fallen out of love with the other, hence giving them approval to move on and take the sacraments.  No, my signature would not be going on that piece of parchment, that's for sure! 

Moving on, I believe that each of us has the right to love and be in love with whoever we wish.  In my childlike mind I just pray that the world will move faster on equality of love.  I want each and every one in the world to be able to love who they want without judgement. Like the mother looking into the crib of her child, look in our partner's eyes and make the same vow as the mother makes to her child, 'Nothings gonna Harm you! Not while I'm around'.

These are  my thoughts,

Cheers!

Bitchescoz   

Contact: luke65mcbride@gmail.com

Not While I'm Around - Barbra Streisand

A Postcript to 'Is being Gay a Disability?'

Today, I was actually going to publish a totally different post, but this is a continuation of my last post really so here goes! Tonite, on Channel 10, Michael Parkinson interviews Ian Thorpe and asks him the big question about his sexuality. I know there have been questions about Ian Thorpe's sexuality since day dot, but hey, is this really any body's business but his own? Why is there this need for anyone to know? Since, the previews of this interview have hit the airways, it is all over the news - Ian Thorpe is gay! I wonder if he came out in the interview and said he was going to be a Dad and getting married would the news headlines have said - Ian Thorpe is straight. I do not think so!!!

I have nothing but admiration for Ian Thorpe and his coming out. He has battled with mental health issues in the last few years and hopefully he will now find peace. What is a sad reflection on our society, is that there is any need at all for him to even feel the need to publicly declare his sexuality. Why can't he simply be seen in public with his partner and everyone just accept that is his choice. Does this make him a different person to the one previous to the interview? Absolutely not! The fact that there is even this need to come out publicly simply reinforces my previous article where there seems to be this need to put us in a box. Hello, boxes do not interest us at all :)

We just want to be seen as people, cos after all, that is simply what we are. When they asked people on the street what they thought of Ian Thorpe's coming out, the answers were quite heartwarming. They ranged from -'This is 2014, why is this even an issue?' to 'Good on him, he is an amazing athlete!' There are messages of encouragement from our own Magda, and Rodney Croombe from Marriage Equality Australia commended him saying it would make life easier for others coming out and even prevent some from taking their own life.

How sad is it that there is still such angst in expressing our sexuality, that there is such a need to hide behind the facade of heterosexuality. This is what the gay movement is all about. It is about being ourselves without shame or favour. It is about being ourselves, being free to hold hands in public, to steal that little kiss or secret look without someone screaming that we are rubbing our sexuality in their face. At this point in time, we tend to hang out with our gay brothers and sisters in gay clubs and bars. But, we also risking gay apartheid, where we totally segregate ourselves from the straight community. This would be a shame as our fight to be equal really fails. The only way we are really equal is if we mix freely and equally on all levels of society,and that includes our feeling comfortable socializing with everyone and them feeling comfortable socializing with us. One day there will be no them and us.

Ian Thorpe is/was an amazing athlete. He has every right to be proud of his achievements because he has achieved at a level that only few can aspire to. Australia should be proud of Ian Thorpe because we basked in his glory and took credit when he stood on that podium and collected gold. Now we should be doubly proud. We wish him well in his future life! May he find true happiness with the man of his dreams. May society leave him to enjoy his peaceful existence and Australia should remember him for the truly amazing athlete that he was. His sexuality, while defining who he is on a personal level, should not and does not define who he is on a public level. We do not judge those who heal us who are gay, we do not judge those that teach who are gay, we do not judge those who entertain us who are gay and the list goes on.

So, Ian Thorpe, Australia does not judge you. We applaud you!

Cheers!

Bitchescoz!

Contact: luke65mcbride@gmail.com
 

Is being Gay a Disability? #discrimination #gay #gender #society

It is no secret that my partner is deaf! When we are in a new surrounding, like a shop or meeting people for the first time, he says "I am deaf." For no other reason, than to bring to their attention, that there may be some differences in communication.  Never once have I heard him say "Hi, I'm deaf and gay." 

Quite often, we the gay people of this world, confuse others as to our birth right.  Yes, we were born this way!  We are not missing any parts for our bodily functions.  We are all in tact.  As far as I, and many others see it, it is just a descriptive adjective to our human status.  It is like we are people who happen to be gay. Like women, who are people, happen to be women.  Like my partner, he is a person that happens to be Asian.  We are all humans with the different description to our make up.  Each and every person on this earth has a description as to who we are.  We just want to be equal on the playing field of life.  No discrimination as to our sex, our colour or our religion.  We breathe, we have skin, we have emotions, we are all human and equal. 
 
I believe that for most, we just want to live our lives as normally as possible.  We don't need to be living in a commune of like minded people.  We want to live in a fully integrated society that sees and has no barriers. As for our descriptions, that is just a cover page to our life, and their are many varied and different novels in the world libraries.  Each book brings a different hue to the delicate weave of the fabric of society.  It  just happens that our thread is the colour of the rainbow.  The rich threads of each and every one of us when interwoven can make the most glorious of fabrics. 
 
There will always be writers clubs, artist gatherings, ethnic clubs, gay bars, women's and men's clubs, tennis clubs, bear clubs.  These clubs are there for those who have common interests so they can enjoy like minded activities. But when these institutions are closed and the activities over, we should be able to go to a home that is not segregated as to our individual lifestyles.  Surely, it would be better to look out our front doors and see that everyone is equal. That there is no difference to any of us, at the end of the day.  We don't have to enter a room and say "Hi I'm Gay". "Hi I'm a female!". There are very few with whom we cannot communicate. If we have to walk in and say "Hi I am gay!", so they feel they know how to communicate with me, then I should just walk past, not even bother, because those people are the bigots of the world.  Another descriptive word for humans, and in that case, they should be segregated like those before us.  

Quite often, when we are fighting for a cause we forget that there are others who are our allies. That we are preaching to, and sometimes alienating, the converted who believe in the same things that we strive for. They just happen to be of a different colour thread to ours. Whether it be the Women's Movement, the Gay Movement, or an Ethnic cause we all have common beliefs and goals.  If we are able to harness all of these goals and beliefs to a common cause, how powerful a force would that be and what a truly beautiful fabric would we weave?

Each and everyone of us is specially gifted. We are not disabled.  We are individual threads to the fabric of life.  We are only handicapped if we allow others, and ourselves, to believe that we are not equal.

Let our descriptive characters be only part of our overall lives.  We don't need to walk into a room and say - I am a gay human; I am a female human; I am a coloured human; I am a artist human.  Soon they will simply be descriptive names for the various clubs that we belong to for our collective get togethers, or better still relegated to the heap if extinct society taboos and attitudes. 

This is my goal anyway.

Cheers!

Bitches Coz

Contact: luke65mcbride@gmail.com

Miserable, Bemused and Fucking Angry #LGBTI #transgender #homophobia

Today, I am a little miserable; ok bemused; ok fucking angry!!!!  As you read yesterday, I was concerned about the misuse of power by the media, played out against a minority.  I was reflecting on how we ride the curl to achieve acceptance, and how a few words can set a movement, that has fought long and hard to achieve equality, back with some snide and stupid remarks, all for the benefits of the ratings game.

I am miserable because I believe that that trio should have at least apologized for their misuse of power and that the management of the station should have acted responsibly, with haste, to rectify the situation.  I believe those individuals, undergoing gender transition, should be admired for having the strength of character to proceed. Having the strength to endure the hardships they are facing, not only on a personal level but, the hardship of acceptance and adjustment in the wider community.  This transition cannot be a simple nip and tuck or, adding a digit to ones life surely? (The extensive counseling before gender reassignment is proof of this!)  Therefore, I believe that no one has the right to slight someone regarding their rights and human dignity.

Let it be said, that myself, and other friends of mine (straight and gay) tweeted and Facebooked to try to achieve a response, and Heaven forbid, an apology from this station. We called to others that they take responsibility, that we are in this race together.  How simple could it have been, for these 3 bandits, to recognize their insensitive, disrespectful, and arrogant comments.

Bemused that at the end of the day, if I should think that these people (if I can use that word) are so opinionated and have no respect for others! Or do they just lack class and are simply worth nothing but their ratings?

Fucking Angry?  Yes I am, that the LGBTI community did not stand to be counted in this pursuit for an apology.  Yes, a few retweeted!  Yes a few wrote to me and cheered me on but, did they actually stand for the cause that we have have been struggling with for centuries or, since the beginning of time? The answer is a resounding -NO!!!!!!!!!! 

It is all well and good, to stand offshore and watch and feel the wind blowing in our beautifully sun bleached hair. To listen to, through our earbuds, the revamped version of Gloria Gaynor singing 'We will Survive!'  We can all airbrush our boards to make them look awesome. Make them appear that we are great surfers. We can be amped up and prepared for the waves. We can all dream of the backdoor of the pipeline, which is a deep wave of movement, that we want to get amongst.  But, do we get to the outside where the waves are furtherest from the shore?  Do we meet those set waves and feel the rail grab? Do we throw ourselves in to catch that wave and feel those deepwater breaks? Or, do we simply want to do flat water surf, or ankle slop in the mush? While the real surfers are stoked for their wave because, they believe that this, is where the reason for their passion takes breath. They are prepared to be hammered! To aim to be the Hellman of the great wave of life, that they are in. Yes, I want to ride that wave! I am not prepared to sit and watch the waves from the shore, without getting into the surf.

Yes our ride is on a peak and can be gnarly! Yes, we are in an impact zone but, before we can face the glassy pristine waters without waves, and enjoy the sun, we must remember - that together we can be assured our cord is attached to our community for safety. That we do have the guns to face the greatest waves and challenges of our lives.

Don't sit back, enjoy the surf.  It can be exhilarating, mind blowing and life changing.  Hang ten on your board and enjoy the curl.
 
Cheers

Bitchescoz

Contact: luke65mcbride@gmail.com

Courier Mail

Media Assassins #ridicule #bullying #damage

Driving home this afternoon I was listening to, and usually enjoy a program hosted by 3 of my favourite broadcasters. That was until this afternoon! The trio are witty, amusing, entertaining  and have a great following and therein lies the reason for my writings and my decision not to follow again.

The topic for discussion this afternoon was 'Would you take your father out on the town?' Ageist? Yes, but this was balanced by the feedback that was phoned in.  So, I will let that ride for now. However, the preamble that took place prior to the talkback, was of enough for me to pull my car to the curb and listen as to just how far these guys would go. Or in fact, would they remedy the comments they made.

The preamble was about a celebrity father who was spotted in a Mexican themed night club.  The guy was recently reported in the tabloids as having undergone chondrolaryngoplasty or in laymen terms, a 'tracheal shave'.  Some of us may feel a little shy being seen out with a father of this age.  Though, I might add, if my Dad was to join me, I would feel rather privileged that he wanted to hang out with me. But no, the trio not only stuck it to him for his age and being spotted giving support to his son, but they stuck it to him and repeatedly referred to him as, 'He makes a very handsome woman!' Therein begins my anger! 

In a world, where the great Bob Dylan wrote 'Times they are a-changin!' I had thought that presenters of such programs would have enough empathy, enough compassion, and enough spirit of good will, for people who are fighting for their right to be recognized as equal in this world.

Who are these people who feel they have the right to make their fun at somebody else's expense. I would have thought radio stations would have learned their lesson with the Kate and William debacle! But no, the vulnerable are fair game for ridicule and sniggering, so long as the program rolls on and the ratings soar. Recently, quite rightly, there was a huge outpouring of anger and grief when the media lost one of their own due to online bullying and abuse. What is the difference between on-air public ridicule and online ridicule? I can hear you say that the online conversation was vitriolic abuse but, on-air ridicule is as every bit as damaging. As such, it is time this talk show ridicule was dumped along with those who peddle it.

I feel that as part of  the LGBTI community we continue to pave the way for recognition, acceptance and equal rights. We have emerged as human beings who have as much to offer as any other person on this earth.  We have strived to be recognized for our excellence in our work, our homes and our community.  None of us have walked in the other person's shoes, so how dare we publicly ridicule, and humiliate for the sake of ratings.  If in fact, this guy is undergoing a sex reassignment, let us support him, let us give him strength to face his decisions. Let us support his family that he feels comfortable to be seen with, at Mexican themed bars.

In this world that is ever changing let us not make a mockery of someone who is just trying to be themselves.  Let's stand alongside them show them love, caring and compassion.

Did the trio redeem themselves? No. sadly they did not. So, I am left to assume that they think their behaviour is perfectly fine, that it is ok to publicly ridicule and humiliate someone. Well, they can have their program, but I for one will no longer listen.

                                                  "For the wheel's still in spin, 
                                                   And there's no tellin who, 
                                                   That it's namin' for the loser now, 
                                                   Will be later to win, 
                                                   For the times they are a-changin!" 
                                                                    
                                                                   Bob Dylan

Advice Required - Big Time #dilemma #gay #matriarch

To all those who read, and respond to, my writings, I am calling on you right now to advise me.!

Over the last few weeks, I have spent a lot of time with a dear friend of mine who is between a rock and a hard place.  I have listened to him and have said, I can give my feeble advice but, I am out of my depth here.  I told him that I would ask for some advice to help him with his problem.  So here I am, begging for anyone out there who may have some advice on how I, in turn can advise him as to what to do.  I have given him my word that there will be no mention of names, hereditary, nor where he comes from, so he has given me permission to ask advice, give him answers/reasons as to his situation.

Ok, let's begin with some background to his life.  He was born to a normal yet well healed family.  A family that shows greatness in family matters.  They take great pride that their family be seen as a pillar of society. A family that appears greater on the outside, than inside the privacy of their homes. From my discussions with him, and what I have witnessed over the years, their family hierarchy is built on a very strong matriarchal presence.  The mother rules the roost but, with a slight of hand that appears not to come from her.  She has, forever, been seen to outsiders as a caring and sharing woman of substance.  Even today in her later years she is seen as this sweet little old lady that is giving of heart, soul and compassion.  Not so for my friend and I might add to anyone who has crossed her in the past or now.

She prides herself on her petiteness and her 'best dressed' status.  I have had the misfortune of accompanying my friend, and his mother, to dress shops. Within 5 minutes you have heard her life story, mention of her age, and her size at her age. Within those 5 minutes the shop assistant has fulfilled her needs by overly patronising her age, gushing forth compliments and stroking her ego. I am sure if this woman had a Facebook page, it would be adored by millions for her good deeds to charity and, her nurturing of family, especially my gay friend who by this time is cowering in the corner of the nearest changeroom.  In my humble opinion this woman is so egocentric that I want to rush to the nearest fire extinguisher, and put out the malicious spite in velvety tones that comes from her mouth.

This woman needs to be adored and worshipped for her great works to humanity and her family.  This woman needs even at her age to be seen as something that men still crave, and lust after. Anyone, who does not measure up to her unwritten criteria, is to this day exiled and will suffer her wrath.

I asked my friend of his mother's friends.  Does this woman have friends and girlfriends?  (Do they still call each other girlfriends at her age?)  His reply is that she has only had a few girlfriends that he could recall in his life.  These women were friends only when they were at their weakest. She would befriend them, tell them how much they relied on her, and once they had made it back up from their misery, she would dispense of their friendship.  The search was then on for another conquest to share her 'compassion'.  It appears she only needed them while they were fuelling her need for praise and thanks.  (I would think that they saw an opening, and bolted to the exit before they could no longer breathe from the the exhaustive breaths of adoration they had to bestow on her.)  Men in her life, he says, were her achilles heal!  She needed them to surround her!  She needed them to be in pursuit of her.  If they stroked her ego they could stay in her presence.  If they offended her ego in anyway, it was, and is, like biting the heal that was not dipped in the River Styx.  It appears that, but for her heal, the woman is immortal.  And, all that are in her presence must strictly adhere to her criteria. 

I then asked him of his family, he said his family is not huge as his mother was an only child. He had a grandmother (since departed) that he adored; sisters of his grandmother (also departed) with whom he shared great time and fun; two sisters, one exiled and one that he has great admiration and love for;  a brother that is distant and calculating and knows which heal not to touch when around his mother.  After the death of his grandmother and aunts, the matriarch stopped at nothing to destroy his memories of them. The sister that he is close to has discussed with him many times that she is not appreciated, nor loved, by the mother but, tries to keep in touch for the sake of the family.  When the mother hears of these two talking she alienates him until they hide their communication to fulfil the mother's desires.  This slight of hand, that I spoke of before, is certainly a magical trick she plays as she pits one against the other. Both crave love and acceptance! They don't want to rock the boat that they were born into. The father is a lovely old gentleman but, always wants to please his love! For he knows, that once upon a time, he nibbled on her heal, and he paid for that dearly, by being exiled for many years.  He now wants to play out his twilight years without drama and will conform to her rules.  Even his nearest and dearest, and only, living sister has been turned from him and to play it safe, he has no communication but through the matriarch.  

On his relationships - while, my friend is seen as the dominant one in his relationship she favours him (I guess coz he is a man in her eyes) but, the partner is then destroyed as, he being the weaker of the two, becomes a threat to the son's affection for her. When the son is seen as the less dominant, as he is at this moment in time, she favours the other, then seeks to destroy her son.  (Weird to me that a mother can ever turn on her own!)  In his life he has struggled through many sicknesses and yes the mother has always been helpful. However, she always needs adoration for her kindness and pours out to everyone of her greatness. And, I might add, she always tells others she has had the same afflictions but has dealt with them silently. (I have heard it from her own mouth.)  Again showing her courageous nature (such a crock.) As a gay guy, he has had many female friends and yes, she destroys them too! She embeds and embellishes herself onto them so deeply, that they back out of his life or he just does not mention them to her in fear of her taking them from him as well.  When he mentions them to her, and does not introduce, she works herself into a frenzy and makes remarks pertaining to his secretive nature. She always plays the trump card that she does everything in her power to be the best mother and yet he does not include her. (Fuck I feel for this guy!)

As a friend, I now keep well clear of any association with her as I don't wish to be destroyed by her. But, more so because I want to be friends with him and his partner, and be some strength to help them face what she puts them through.  

Ok, now I ask you for help as to how to advise him.  My suggestion was to stop contact with her, but my friend and his partner are very family conscious and care far too deeply for that.  He loves his father, and knows that if he was to do that, she would destroy that cherished time he spends with him.  

I am so confused! Can you help me, help him?  I am so out of my depth here, as to whether this woman has Munchausen by proxy, a black widow syndrome, or is she just plain evil?  I am teetering on 'plain evil'.  

So if you have any advice on the matter - help me help him!

Cheers

Bitchescoz

dailymail.co.uk

Till Hell Freezes Over! #lgbti, #gayboys #gayfun

Every now and again, we all wake on the wrong side of the bed (not for the reasons you are thinking) and a little grumpy. (Not me of course!  Coz - I may have emitted in previous writings that I am perfect, he he.)  Yes, we all have emotions that come and go and, sometimes it is best to be left alone for a while, while you get over it.  However, I feel it is better to slap up the 'do not disturb' sign to give yourself time to sort through it, rather than not telling those around you, you want 'me' time.  Not everyone is a mind reader! (Again, one of my forte's best not mentioned is that I may have a bent for reading too much into it.) But let's talk about someone else for a while.  Let's talk about those who aren't as gifted as moi.

Having established that you want to be alone for a while, allows others to get their thought processes in swing.  It allows them to know that it will pass. It is just a process you need to go through at your own pace.  It allows them, if they are spirited thinkers, to develop strategies as to why you got into that space in the first place. If they realize they were the catapult for your 'me' time, they can get their excuses and defense ready, before you fire the first shot as to why they got you there in the first place.

If you are not following me at the moment, this is how my partner and I were this morning. Simply by communicating our feelings we could have avoided an afternoon of our game of 'guilt ball'.  For those who don't know, 'guilt ball' is a game where the Ice Princess defends her castle from any intrusion. Prince Grumpy may have avoided this game, if only he had erected the 'do not disturb' sign before he tried to enter her realm.  Sort of like a game of ice hockey but (after his quiet treatment without explanation) his puck would be battled and never enter the goal posts until he developed a better game plan.

Therefore, for those who do not  want a game of 'guilt ball'  communicate your feelings to those you love. Get your game plan into action.  Advise the other team of your delay of game, don't risk a face-off, don't risk the penalty of game misconduct.  If your plan is not to communicate your game plan, then place your jock firmly in place. Know that your biscuit may never enter the breezers and you may face a penalty that is butt ending, forfeiting your game for a very long cold season.

Life is a game we all play, despite my attempt to block  the other players goal, we all must play a part in the game.  A game of ice solitaire can be a rather useless, time wasting sport.  In my way of thinking a team of either two or more can give you more satisfaction if the game is played with great sportsman etiquette and  camaraderie.

Not for one minute am I saying that communication solves all problems quickly.  It can be a very long game.  But until it is solved a little frost bite doesn't hurt anyone, as long as when the game is played you unite as one in the club room and supply some warming cream and a tip or two for the next game.

Cheers

Bitchescoz

Regret

Recently on Facebook there was, in a Nurse's newsfeed, a post about the dying and regret! In amongst the regrets of the dying listed, was the regret of not living a life true to oneself. It was in their final days, when the dying had made peace with their lot and awaited their Maker with the resignation of acceptance, that they confided in those who were blessed with helping these people through their final days and hours. These angels in the guise of nurses have made public this list in hope of making a difference in people's lives before it is too late.

When all is said and done, how many of us actually lead a life true to ourselves? How many actually pursue a life of happiness and true self fulfillment? And, when we do how many are judged as selfish and self absorbed? Very early in our lives we are taught that 'happiness' is irrevocably entwined in the happiness of others. Thus, the stage is set from infancy, that for those around us to be happy we must act in a way that pleases others. This conditioning is reinforced throughout our various stages of life. Firstly, we crave the happiness and acceptance of our parents. We move though our childhood pleasing our siblings, our friends, and our teachers. And when adulthood looms, we conform to please society, marrying as expected, producing children as expected and thus creating a whole new set of people that require pleasing.  This need to please continues our entire lives as we move through the various stages. And, the realization has just dawned, that the very fabric of society is built on approval, and the behaviour, that results from the craving for this.

In our quest for acceptance, we wear ridiculous fashion, we follow the latest fads and, the more we try to be different to fit into our peer group, the more we become the same. The competitiveness between individuals drives us to strive for bigger and better possessions, flashier cars, cuter children, smarter children, and the list goes on. At what stage of our life do we say 'I don't give a flying fuck what you think, I am going to please myself!' For some of us that day will never come. We stay in unhappy marriages, conforming to the wants of our partners.We allow our children  to dictate the terms and bully us. Our families boss us around telling us how to live our lives, when they are flat out living their own.  We vote in governments that decide their policy on their ideals and not what is best for the people and country. I am surprised that anyone has enough capacity for 'self' to be able to even recognize, let alone regret, not living a life true to oneself.

If this is life for the Mr and Mrs Average who go through life with the boring mediocrity expected of them, how the hell does the average gay guy manage to avoid this regret. The pressure of family, of society, of government means it is sometimes difficult for homosexual people to even acknowledge their sexuality, let alone be loud and proud. We are not openly demonstrative of our love in the company of family and friends, let alone in public. It is slowly improving and I believe it will be easier for the young gay guys coming through, but hell, it is not that long ago that it was actually illegal for two males to have sex with each other. Is society ready for us to live our lives the way we need to so we dodge the bullet of this particular regret? I do not think so!

The only consolation here is that the LGBTI population does not have a mortgage on this. This is a regret that is universal. Whilst it means different things to different people depending on the shackle they wish to cast off , I do not think the world is ready for gay abandonment (sorry guys for pinching your saying for everyone). Can you imagine a world where we all pleased ourselves? Oh God, how absolutely divine would that be. I don't know about you but I have often dreamed of a time where I could simply sail off into the sunset and tell everyone to 'Fuck off!'

I have made some huge steps in my personal life to living my life the way I want to. This has come at a cost but, it is one I am prepared to pay cos I simply am not prepared to live my life as one huge regret. When the time comes for me to look back over my life and reflect what has been, I do not want to say I have lived my whole life according to others.  Sure, there will be regrets and I do not know if they are accumulative, but now I intend to try to stay true to my wants and needs. With minor deviations due to outside pressure, with the help of my partner I/we will live a life true to myself/ourselves.

So take stock of your life, look to yourself to make a difference in your life. After all there is really only one person who is master of your destiny - and that is yourself!

Have strength!

Bitches Coz

Determined by our Past??

My dear partner has a saying that is both endearing and annoying. He says it all the time when we are making up after an argument; when things have not quite turned out as expected; or we have been let down by those around us. 'Past is Past' he says! Alternately, whist not dwelling on the past, another friend of mine believes you cannot know where you are going if you cannot acknowledge where you come from. To make peace with our past is one of the most difficult tasks we face through life, as mostly, our past experience which  molds who we become, is in the hands of others.

The single biggest influence in our lives is family, or lack of, depending upon our circumstance. The  family ideal, of kids raised in the bosom of a loving Mum and Dad, is definitely not the norm today. A family today varies from a single parent successfully raising children alone, same sex couples raising their children in a loving, nurturing atmosphere, Mum and Dad battling through to raise happy and carefree young adults. While these families definitely do exist, there are others where the trauma of dysfunctional parenting, circumstance of poverty, separation, and abuse make life choices for children raised in these families difficult. The old saying of 'The more things change, the more they stay the same" applies to parenting and families as well. Dysfunctional families have existed since man stood upright and walked on two legs. It is how we have dealt with the human debris from such families that has changed. In the past children were taken from, or given up by, their parents to become wards of the state, where they were placed in institutions at the mercy of tyrannical nuns, brothers,  wardens and the like. Unfortunately, (what an understatement) for these hapless tots life was about to take a turn very much for the worse! Whether we like it or not, our past circumstance plays an enormous role in the baggage we carry through our lives.

This is evident in the haunted faces of the witnesses at the Royal Commission into the Abuse of Children at the hand of Institutions. These poor souls have had their lives destroyed. They have clawed their way back from hell on earth to 'live' as normal a life as is possible. But, the life they live is nothing like the life they may have led, had these disgusting acts of violence and sexual abuse not been perpetrated against them. What a sick society we live in that some of these people have had to wait 60 years to have a voice. There are thousands of others who will not come forward, not because they lack the courage, but simply because the pain is buried so deep within that it is impossible to allow it to bubble up to the surface. To do so would simply destroy them. Maybe, one day, they will be ready, but then again - maybe not! To say these people should learn from their past is a statement of the ignorant as they have a lesson in their past that has left them truly broken.

So what happens when abuse is not only handed out by the Brothers at school, but the family as well. How do these damaged people break away from the cycle of abuse that continues as manipulation and subversive bullying long into adulthood. It is well nigh impossible as the perpetrators have groomed their victim into submissiveness. They believe they are worthless, eager to please and craving acceptance. Add into this the gay factor and the perfect storm presents! Why do people do this, to those they supposedly love? Is it because he is gay? How can they systematically set about purposely destroying the life of one of their own. All the time making out it is all his own fault. All the time playing mind games that leave him believing he is nothing but trash. Every time he claws his way from the brink of hell they are there stomping on him, pushing him back into the abyss. These people revel in their power. How can one escape the past, when the past becomes the present.

Everyone has a past and often those who are the keenest to present a posh face to the world have the most to hide. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing but admiration for those who rise above adversity to lead very successful lives. But we must not forget our past! We might try to bury it, or sweep it under the carpe, but it always comes back to bite us on the arse if we are not honest about, from where we have come. A lot of people passing judgement on others would do well to remember this. Their lives hold a lot of skeletons. Everyone would do well to remember their childhood and youth, to remember their feelings and acknowledge their mistakes. Especially before they make decisions that damage or destroy those around them.

To come to terms with our past, we have to forgive ourselves. We have to realize we are not to blame for acts perpetrated against us. Some say we must forgive those who have perpetrated these indictments - forgive but not forget! This is easy to say, but almost impossible to do, especially when it appears that justice will never be served.To learn from our past is inevitable! What a lesson though - one of human frailty, cruelty and fickleness.

The one consolation in all this, is the strength of human spirit that shines through. Not in how society has compensated these victims of their past, but in how these broken souls have risen to become mothers, fathers and valuable members of the society that failed them.

May God bless them and may they find peace in their lifetime!

Bitches Coz!

Isolation

Isolation has many guises and I can only talk to you of the isolation that I feel, and have felt, as a gay guy.  Isolation doesn't necessarily mean living as Greta Garbo (I want to be alone). It is easy to be surrounded by people, but still be isolated. Quite often, people in general, isolate you from their lives. Most times - and I guess unintentionally - even though they see you as 'out' and, are fine with that, socially you are placed in the too hard basket (no pun intended). You are accepted as their gay son, gay brother, gay friend but, that is just on a one on one basis.  Quite often you are in their presence but not in their circle.

Speaking from my own experience and not blowing my own horn, (again no pun intended) on a one on one basis you are seen as fun to be around. Someone to listen to their stories, care for their well-being, and make their homes look more elegant. You take them to their doctors, lawyers and Indian Chiefs (but never to be introduced). You show them the latest fads in cooking, be the shoulder  they cry on, fix their social media problems - dare invite them as friends and its broke again. You  take the women in your life shopping for shoes, clothing, and tell them they look fab in what they are trying on because their male partners are only interested how much it costs and if their cleavage will show enough. The guys don't care you are there, because they know your not ogling their bounty and, they can stay home watching the TV, or catching up on the hardware catalogues with the latest in power screwdrivers or whackapackers. Don't get me wrong it is great to be needed but, in a full on socialising situation with these people, you are isolated!

Yes you are loved and needed! But, to interact with you in numbers is a totally different ball game. When there are family functions you are gladly accepted for your cooking and entertainment abilities but that's where it stops.  You can feel it once you sit down at the table and you enter the conversations of politics, religion and equal rights.  Immediately, your dear ones start cringing that you may bring up Gay Rights as being part of these topics of discussion.  Of course Gay Rights are, but, you know where this will go. So you zip your lip, pay lip service, and nod appropriately to the initiators of the conversations.  At the end of the gathering everyone rises, says 'Thank you for the delightful food.' A few say, 'We must swap recipes.' God forbid it to be on Facebook or you end on their 'friends' list! You send them off with their little bundles of leftovers (that they tell their straight friends they cooked). They hop in their conservative little cars and drive off into the distance. You close your door and think to yourself  - 'They never got to know me any better than they did before!'  Then you wait for the next big event for which your services will be called on again.

This is part of the isolation that I live with and for the most I accept. But yes ,it does wear you down occasionally.  When you discuss this siuation (one on one) with your dear ones, the comments come flowing  - 'Honey, you know it's because you are gay that you are emotional!  No one means any harm and they enjoy your company.' Yea right! Again the too hard basket and you are no closer to being accepted than you were before! And, then and there from their lips they follow it up with such deep and meaning powers of consolation with, 'Now, how did you do that ham?' And, 'Those stuffed eggplant were  delicious - write down your recipe.' How can you top that, but to say 'Thanks Mum!' and start writing the recipe.

Yes, having said all this, I must say I am in a relationship with a lovely guy who is caring, family oriented, loving, giving and selfless.  He has the ability, because of his origins, to see total good in everyone. That we must respect, accept and never show our feelings of hurt to those that we love. Never to hear, nor read into, the snide remarks that are made of our sexual orientation  (sometimes I think it would be easier to be deaf like he is). But, in his eyes these people are to be respected for their statesmanship of age and wisdom.  Yes, this is a quality I would love to possess. However, I feel we have the right to be accepted as who we are! I long for the day that we can go to these celebrations hand in hand. Reach over and touch your partner on the hand and say thanks, or, give you some support over a comment you have made.  Yes, I long for the day that speaking out of gay rights is no longer necessary.  Therein lies another isolation! For those of you reading this that are straight, how would it feel if you were unable to easily show something as simple as holding hands or a gentle kiss on the cheek to your partner?

You ask how do I conquer this fear of isolation?  Let me say its not easy, but just allow yourself to be open to a friendship that literally can come out of the blue. I am not talking of a lover here, or a partner, but a true friendship - believe me there is one out there (and you only need one).  One that you can be yourself with!  One that you can share your inner most feelings with!  And you know in turn, I believe and know, that they too have inner most feelings to share as well.  I met this friend quite a few years ago. She has been my lifeline really, and yes, I think we have helped each other in many ways. Together we have surged a friendship that is truly blessed, a friendship that our respective partners see as beneficial as water to our daily diets. Our partners are not threatened nor anxious of our friendship - guess it helps them too as we don't nag their ears off he he. You know a great friendship when your server is down and you can't share your craziness of the day.

You have heard my rantings! My advice for those out there who are feeling isolated (gay or straight) is to be open. Let your guard down a bit, don't think everyone out there is the enemy. Because deep down, we all can be isolated in our own way.  And, for those out there who see straights as the enemy, or straights that see gays as the enemy, each and everyone of us needs a friend. We don't need an army to do coffee with, we simply need one friend that can share, advise, care, love and listen to
us. 

Oh Sooo Many Shoes!!

When did my penchant for nice things begin?? OMG! That is like asking me when I realized I liked boys? Don't the two things go hand in hand! My very first love affair was with shoes.  I have loved them for as long as I can remember, along with watches, bracelets, rings and all jewellery in general. I think it comes with the territory.  No, I KNOW it comes with the territory. Besides you can never have too many shoes.

After all you need a suitable shoe for every occasion - in every colour, style, shape and material possible. I have joggers, loafers, sneakers, boots, lace-ups and, slip-ons. I have thongs, sandals, crocs, and scuffs. They come in suede, leather, canvas, mesh, and composite with colours ranging from the fluorescents, beige, orange, grape, yellow and just about every colour in between. After all you cannot afford to have your shoes clashing with your outfit. I have new shoes, old shoes and everything in between shoes. Some are actually haddit but I cannot bear to part with them as they really become an extension of yourself. Come to think of it, no wonder I have soo many shoes as it is vitally important to have a pair of shoes to match every outfit. After all, where would I wear my Aubergine Suede Boots with yellow soles if I did not own canary yellow pants?

Sooo Many Shoes

My shoes are stored in my garage - they outgrew my wardrobe quite a few years ago!!! Whenever people spot them (which is not difficult) they are like, 'Does a fucking centipede live here?' If I was not such a tough nut, I could take offence at such remarks. There is one drawback with shoes tho and that is you can only wear one pair at a time. There is no such restriction on jewellery, thank God! I can accessorize my favourite watch with as many leather bands as I like. Oooops, sometimes though, when my watch is the size of an alarm clock it does get a little difficult. Now add a handful of rings  and a couple of chains and any outfit is complete. I still have a chuckle when I think of a friend of mine who took simply ages to work out I was gay. Hellooo! I would have thought the accessorizing was a dead givaway!

Why is it that our gayness gives us a yearning for nice things? What is it about our gayness that makes us creative? Is it our feminine side that brings out this trait? Or is it our queer, bent persona that gives us our unique flair for being the best dressed at many occasions. It allows us to push the boundaries and be bold and outrageous, sometimes to the dismay of our conservative rellies. But hey, we do not tell them how to dress! Though I think a few of them could do with a gay boys makeover. After all darlings, we are the style queens of the universe. 

Our penchant for nice things is not restricted to our own person. We are the interior designers of the world, we decorate the sets of films, we are the wedding planners with flair and pizzazz! Oh, how I yearn to be the wedding planner for gay weddings!!!! The gifts we give are the most gorgeous under the tree or on the birthday table. Our gifts are the most elegant, the most outrageous, or the most fun. 

This quirky, bent, flair is simply part of us. Our gayness is the essence of who we are, and having 160 pairs of shoes, 35 watches, and too many wristbands to count, is part of that. Let us be true to our sexuality and be loud and proud of who we are and embrace our flamboyance and flair!

Be Proud to be Pink

Bitches Coz

Beautiful fabric wraps and bunting available from www.wincwrapincotton.com