Road Trip #friendship

Today, tired of painters around the house, I decided to escape on a trip to nowhere in particular but, just hit the highway. I had no intention of getting out of the car. Just a round trip, to think through some things with my music playing, being alone and meditative. As it happens, my sister and I have been talking of late of the wonders of friendships. Not acquaintances, but friends that are as much to you as a relationship, and a relationship that you believe will stand tall and strong till the end of time. 

I’m not talking Facebook friends here that you can accept and reject as quickly as it is to hit a button, but friendships that are meaningful, part of your family but not blood. 

 

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As in all relationships we need to be committed. (Not that ‘committed’ but committed to the relationship). We need to be there when the chips are down as well as enjoying their successes and happiness.  We need to treat with respect, with care, and to realize that they have feelings and hearts that can be broken. In a partnership, our word, our actions can hurt and  jeopardise the longevity of that commitment.  Also, we must remember that we need to work on our relationship as it will only prosper with the love and thought that we put into it. 

Driving down this highway I suddenly realize that driving is a lot like friendship itself.  We need to learn to merge, give way, move with care, cruise, brake, slow down, speed up, take care, respect other drivers abilities, be mindful, and indicate our intentions. Without all of these we are destined to end at the wreckers or worse.

As I am not on a mission and I am basically Sunday driving on a Tuesday I realize that others are thinking only of getting to their destination, meeting time limits, and some just know that they are bigger and more robust than me and can demand right of passage whether I like it or not.  Some are more showy than me and have an arrogance that tells me to get out of their way.  Their branding, their personalised plates and the size of their exhausts display their self-importance on this highway.  

The friendship highway can be much the same and, without the same courtesies as driving our friendships can end in human wreckage. 

We as drivers on the friendship highway must learn that each, and everyone, is as important as the next and that each driver of life is to be afforded that respect and courtesy. There should be no one judged by the size of their exhausts, their branding, if they are on a time limit, or if they are much more powerful than the next. 

This is something we must take into our daily lives. We may think that we are too busy or too over revved (busy with our day to day responsibilities) for our friendships.  We have to be mindful that our friends need merge as well on our highway.  If a friendship is to survive the journey we must remember that we need to give some time to the Sunday drivers.  The size of our exhausts and brands (our egos, self importance) must take a back seat and allow for our relationships to cruise rather than be rushed, and made feel uncomfortable.  So often we tend to make our friends feel inadequate, and worthless, owing to their unbranded, putt putt they call a car.  (their lives) 

Our actions must reflect our trueness, our commitment to our relationships.  Yes we all get busy but do we have to say to our friends that we are soooooooo busy, making them feel that there is no time for them.  We need to think a little too about our friends situation.  When we know that our true friends are not as financial as we are, do we need to say OH MY GOD I am spending so much on this and that and make them feel more inadequate than they already feel.  Quite often I know that those same friends put their finances further down the slope because they know that they would give their last cent to their friends if they could and give the very little that they have to show them they care and are there for them.

My sister and I had discussed recently how that friendship can be quite one sided.  We discussed how quickly some friendships disappear when your money is depleted.  Suddenly you realize that, when the well is dry, those friends become soooooo busy and have lives that do not include you.  We also discussed that sometimes you and your friends decide to take on other things like holidays, or dinners to find that at the end of it you are left holding the baby and no support has been given.  Dinners become a nightmare! One night you say ‘your shout’ and you encourage your guests to dine like kings or queens in our case.  The next time your friends say ‘their shout’ and immediately as the menu is presented say, ‘OH MY GOD! I could only have the entree size or I am not that hungry.’  This may be true but, don't say this, as your guests for the evening are wanting the queens dinner and are suddenly made to feel that they are mere servants and must eat the peasant meal.  You make them guilty and order the least inexpensive. 

We must realize that to be friends and to have friends is the most wonderful experience.  Something that you must cherish and nurture till the day you no longer have breathe.

Today I thank the painters for making me think, for making me appreciate my friends and to realize that tomorrow may never come.  So make the most of that friendship that partnership on life’s highway.  I thank them for opening my eyes to merge this highway of friendship and to make my friends realize that they are right there on my highway and that together we can create the most wonderful journey and that our road trip is not trip around the block but a journey of care, compassion and love. 

 

rollingout.com

Christmas Approaches #family #friendship #equality #festiveseason

As I have told you, we are off to Europe etc for a few months soon, and apart from the organising of travel and accommodation, all is sweet. There are no thoughts of stress and worry over the Christmas celebrations. We are going with three members of the family who are more friends than family and for the festivities we are meeting with dear friends. 

If you speak to most people single, straight, gay or indifferent, they all seem to have the angst of Christmas celebrations.  For a celebration that is meant to celebrate birth and new hope, it tends to give birth to anxiety, frustration, and fear of what may come of those days, spent together.  Strangely, most say that even though you may be around the corner, day in day out, from your family, the actual stress evolves from those that you see more regularly, than those you see only on special occasions.

This year we decided to take the leap and go it, with the ones that give us joy, the ones that you have no secrets from, those that have no hidden agenda, those that you feel safe and secure with.  Yes, you got it!  We chose these friends and they chose us!  Please God, make this be the best silly season we have ever experienced.  Make this a season of true spirit, true happiness, and true hope, for a better future.

No doubt there will be some pre-holiday jitters regarding Christmas presents and farewells to those we leave behind. But as we board that plane, those stresses will go in the cloud of dust that the plane leaves behind us.  I have always wondered why we put ourselves in these situations of stress, when basicall,y all involved are going through the same stresses as ourselves.  Each and everyone of us are feeling as we do, just from a different perspective.

Some may say that our decision to celebrate this Christmas with our immediate family and friends is selfish.  To those I say yes!  Yes, selfish to want to spend this season of rebirth with those from whom there is no hidden conversation, no worry of who should do this, or who should behave in a certain manner other than being yourself.

To those that believe that, I pray that your celebrations will go smoothly, stress free and will bring renewal to your life as intended traditionally.  For us, this will be a beginning of something new, something exciting, something that strays from the norm, but will hopefully take us into the New Year with a sense of purpose,  a sense of vigour and a true honesty to be who we are, and believe that we are all equal without agenda or secrets.

Friendship is a choice.  We all have acquaintance friendships but true friends are our choice to love, nurture, share the good times with the sad. Yes they are our chosen family. So this year we are celebrating in style, with family that have no barriers, no rules of protocol.  Our friendship family is one that lifts, fulfills, and brings life into our hearts. They give hope for a future of equality, and justice, for each and every being.

Throughout the course of our journeys we will share our experiences, our pics and ourselves along the way.  So stay in touch.  I love your emails.  Sharing and listening are the greatest gifts, I believe as it gives me a sense of unity with the world.

Until next time, stay safe, be kind to yourself and remember that alone we can move hills but together we can move mountains.

Cheers!

Bitchescoz

Contact: luke65mcbride@gmail.com

Diamonds are Forever #friendship #endurance #love

Diamonds have always been a thing of beauty, a thing of resilience. One of the hardest substances on Earth, they are one of nature's wonders. How can something so beautiful be so strong. They have been and still are symbols of status, a symbol of love - a gift of love. 
 

loyesdiamonds.ie

Diamonds in the rough are still a treasure and our friendships and love can easily be compared to diamonds. If we appreciate the beauty, the resilience, and the strength of love, the way we do of diamonds then, we are the richest people on earth.  

If we value our friendships, digging and persevering to find that sparkle is well worth it. Unlike diamonds, that love, that sparkle, exists even when not worn. It lives deep in our hearts and sparkles from within. It is something that has no monetary value, something that is priceless  Something that can only be valued by the people to whom you entrust your sparkle. A value that does not adjust to a financial index metre.  A value that will increase in worth for our duration, and if we share that love it will linger forever.  

Having said this, I believe that love and friendship is something worth mining.  No matter how dirty you get in the process, the result is priceless. The feeling is indescribable and, the benefits are beyond expression. The beauty of holding that love in your heart is worth the scrapes, worth time put in to seek that sparkle. And, once you have that sparkle, you ensure that you polish, preen, and keep it gleaming forever.  

The cutting of the diamond is as important as how we treat, and care for, our friendships and love. The better the cut the better the quality.  Therefore examine that rough love, treat it with respect, treat it with care. Look at each aspect of it and bring out that beauty, that sparkle. Gently grind back those rough, and sometimes hidden flaws, and and help them see the sparkle that they possess.  Let them see that diamonds are lovely as a solitaire but, when encrusted in a union of love, that solitaire will look simple compared to a setting interwoven with gold and other precious gems.  

I look at friendships of my own and some of my friends feel that they don't shine. They feel dull and lifeless at times, tarnished from what life dishes out. But, if we simply spend some time showing them their internal sparkle, they will look in the mirror and realize they are glorious, that they are a thing of beauty. Something that is priceless in ours  and others eyes.  Let's face it, quite often we get too busy to think beyond ourselves, and while we are preening our egos, we forget those that give us our sparkle in the first place.  

So I encourage you to mine for that sparkle, be mindful of its value, be conscious of the cutting. Develop the setting that is equally enjoyed and admired.  Polish with love often and treasure the beauty that sparkles within.  

Until next time, thanks for the emails, thanks for the encouragement, and thank you for spending time with me.  Stay safe, be kind to yourself and share the love and remember, life's diamonds are forever.  
Cheers!

Bitchescoz

Contact: luke65mcbride@gmail.com

 Diamonds are Forever -Shirley Bassey

 

Zippity Doo Dah #support #friendship #holidays

I little while back, I spoke to you regarding my best friend's fear to travel overseas.  I mentioned that even though her husband nagged her to accompany him, she would not go. Letting him go alone with his brother and sister in law. I had spoken with joy, that she had considered joining us at Christmas in Europe.  

As the time is creeping up on the silly season, I reminded her of her intentions about a week ago.  Her allergy to commitment to holidays, became so intense that, our text messages no longer needed ring tones but, a cardiac surgeon present.  At the mere mention, you could feel the pulse rate hammering through your fingers. If on the Richter scale, I believe that Europe was in evacuation mode.  

After many frosty nights texting too and fro, my friend finally admitted - one, she would not be joining us. And two, the only reason she does travel to us, is to work.  Yes, she has visited us numerous times before, but she was not coming only to see us, but to organize our home. To oversea the electrical work, to lay pavers, to stack my garage so that it was methodically laid out. To rearrange my pantry, to bring order to  my ever so tragic shoe collection.  Yes, my friend finally admitted, holidays were a waste of time if you were not doing something productive such as hard labor.  

Establishing this outcome was met with grace, gratitude and admiration for her work ethic, from me. Hmmmmm! It was also met with the wrath of a jilted gay boy!  Our phones became the battle field which two fighting drag queens could not imagine. (I might add my friend is as straight as the day is long but she fights like an alley cat)  I fight in a more subtle way.  I fight like an Ice Queen on speed. I fight with gusts of chilled wind, followed by daggers of ice. I fight, that anyone, not used to the perils of an ice excursion, may find themselves dangling dangerously on broken ice, awaiting their fall to a frozen death, of which only those who traveled on the Titanic, could possibly have knowledge and first hand experience.  My friend, on the other hand, has the strength of a pack horse, the head of a mule, the claws of a mountain lion and the subtlety of a sledge hammer.  Both going head to head is something only fans of Conan the Barbarian will have witnessed.  (I, by the way, I am not the evil warlord)  I am more Thor (ever so blonde, ever so cute, ever so galant) on a mission to rid the evils of my friends mind.  

After a week of playing jugular texting, and so forth, both became a little worse for wear.  Both became weary of a pending loss of friendship, and I, the loss of my boyhood if I swore at her one more time.  Yes I said, "Have it your own way", threw my tiara and handbag in the air and said "You like work so much, join us, and you may build bridges on our vacation."  In true gay boy style, knowing of my therapeutical powers, I walked away from the discussion, knowing very well my friend would not let me have the last say.  At this time, knowing my therapy was on the rise, I reached for my final thrust and she bowed, admitted defeat, and is joining us on our sojourn through Europe.  Her husband, now knowing that they are up up and away, will have his heart checked soon owing to the shock waves he is having throughout his surprised body.  

You may ask, 'What is the moral to this story?'  Simple!  Don't give up on friends.  Don't give up on caring.  Don't give up, even though the road gets tough. Outwit them with logic, wear them down.  Stab where you know, will most bring them to their knees.  Make them realize that it is for the good of others, for the good of the nation, for the good their health.  And just as they are teetering on the edge of the broken ice in the lake, offer them a lifeline, a solution. Promise them you will be their by their side for their journey.  Promise them. that you are proud of their prior convictions but, you would be even more proud, if their convictions included you and not the the rearranging of your fridge.  

I make light of this but seriously, I will be there for my friend.  I will be there with the refreshing water.  I will hold the paper bag for her to breathe her emotions into.  I know that this is a big step for her.  I know that this is a wonderful surprise for her husband.  I know that this step will benefit  both of them.  Yes there will be moments, but this is for her.  This is to give her some freedom, some fun, something to see, something to start afresh, without having to make allowance for her time away from home with the excuse of manual labor for others.  

I personally want her to see, that she is loved for her, not for what she does for others.  I want her to know, that I want to see her without the hammer in her hand.  I want to see her sitting back enjoying people's company, rather than having to prove herself in sweat. I want her to experience her, and I want to experience her, without her having to earn her holiday.  

So don't give up on friendship. It may get rough. It may be gut wrenching but, you chose this friend so don't choose to turn your back when the road gets a little hazardous. Just strap yourself in, and your fast and furious drive will turn to a gentle drive in the countryside with views beyond belief. And you will be singing zippity doo dah with me.  

Until next time, stay safe, keep the letters flowing in and love yourself, as well as others. You are worth it.  

Cheers!

Bitchescoz

Contact: luke65mcbride@gmail.com

How Long is a Piece of String? #love #relationships #philosophy

We all use philosophical riddles like 'How long is a piece of string?' And others such as 'How deep is the ocean?" They are riddles that do not have an answer and, when you think about it, one can't add a quantity or length to it.  This is the same for love really! How do we quantify love? 

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Each and every one of us is different. We have our own likes and dislikes. Quite often it is these differences or similarities that create great relationships, be it as friends or lovers. The depth of love varies depending on the type and the person. If it is a friendship love you bounce your differences off each other and there is acceptance of that. But, the beauty of a friendship love is you are not in a 24/7 situation often. This is the case for my Bestie and I, though we have managed some very heated exchanges via text message. Boy, I am glad I am not the screen on her phone as she thumps her messages out when we are in full flight. I am sure the satellite has smoke pouring out of it as our texts fly back and forth. However, our differences soon pass and then, past is past!

In a family love it is much the same, you all have differences, interests, and preferences. 'Blood is thicker than water.' they say, referring to families 'sticking together through thick and thin'. However, the old saying 'You can choose your friends but you cannot choose your relatives' is probably more accurate as sibling rivalry, old squabbles, and new beginnings strain relationships. Though mostly, you respect the blood tie and your love again is a riddle that only you and the other party can quantify.  
 
A love/partner relationship, is ongoing, learning, growing together. It is experiencing life's joys, and trials and tribulations scenario. This is a more in your face, in your bed, situation. This relationship needs a lot of attention from both parties to keep the zing, the romance, and the passion for togetherness alive. Just because you share a house, you share a bed, does not mean that both of you are exactly the same. The love that we as partners have, varies from relationship to relationship. Each and every one of us have our own hidden, or open rules.  God, I know we do, even though I am perfect :) There can still be differences from time to time.  

Each type of love is a philosophical riddle in  itself.  The depth, strength, and longevity is determined by what we put into it.  As none of us are privy to when we close our eyes for the last time, we should be open to learning, to growing, to nurturing any love that is before us. Our circle of friends love may vary or grow. But, how open we are to others determines how, why and when!

The love we have for each other is not determined by our bank balance.  It should not be based on 'My love is better than your love' owing to what you have done for someone.  Love should be a gift with no expectations placed on it.  A free merging of spirit and acceptance. A generosity of heart. We as adults should not accept that love can be directed by, and dictated, as to who we love by ancient teachings or politics.  

In other words love has no limits, just the extremities of how great each, and everyone of us, can make it.  Sure, there will be dark and difficult days! But, knowing that someone is there with you, be it friend, family, or lover, the philosophical statement "the sky is the limit" is yours for the asking.  

These are my thoughts and I would love to hear from you again on email.  I love the discussions.  

Till next time crank up the volume of Diana Ross and sing along with me 'Ain't no mountain high enough.'

Cheers!
 
Bitchescoz

Contact: luke65mcbride@gmail.com

Ain't No Mountain High Enough - Diana Ross

Being Alive! #love #caring #insecurities #alive

With iPad and mug of hot chocolate, I followed the sun for the morning warmth in my courtyard among my flowers and visiting birds.  I was ready to write my thank-you notes to those who emailed me on my last article, 'You've got a Friend'. Suddenly into my solitude, burst the sounds of a young re-incarnated Elaine Stritch or very alive Bernadette Peters belting out 'Let it go' from the musical "Frozen".  This young 4 year old neighbour has the voice of an angel and the lungs of all the divas combined.  

I sat and  drank my chocolate and just listened to the lyrics of wisdom proffered by this little diva. By now, most of you will have realized that music really floats my boat.  It makes me feel alive, and the lyrics and uplifting of this song with its heart felt words made me think of Sondheim's 'Being Alive'. And there in my head was an ensemble of Patti Lu Pone, Barbra Streisand, Bernadette Peters, and Sondheim himself on keyboard. What a performance was going on in my head!  Not to mention, I too, was up there on stage offering my dulcet tones to the mix.  

Coming off stage with the greats, my thoughts of thank-you notes passed and, I just wanted to share that if we all took those words into our everyday lives, as I feel the master writer himself intended, we could make a real difference.  If we opened our hearts and and minds to those around us, gave a little of ourselves, all of our lives would be indeed blessed.  

It just means giving a little to those around us - reaching out and making a difference.  Every gentle touch builds to a worldwide hug. A hug that this world really needs right now. Not one person really needs to go it alone. All it takes is a nod of assurance, a gentle smile, a warm hello.  Each and everyone of us, has the capability to do at least one of these things.  God knows, with each and everyone of us turning to our neighbour, and giving a warm hello and an encouraging glance, it may stop the cycle of war and injustice.  

Let's all try to be a cycle breaker, lets show our friends, our families and our new found friends that we are as insecure as they are. That we too need someone to be close to. Someone to share with, someone to give, someone to mock us with praise and someone to love.   

Let's break this self fulfilling prophecy of doom and gloom and fill it with hope.  Let's fill it with a song of joy, a song of freedom, a song of equality.  Let's join my little neighbour in her song of 'Let it Go' and let go of the prejudices, the anger and loneliness.

Join me on stage with my ensemble! Declare that we want to be crowded with love, love that comes through caring! Know that there is someone to help us shed our insecurities and not to be frightened any more. Help us survive and give us hope that we are truly  'Being Alive'.

These are my thoughts.

Cheers!

Bitchescoz

Contact: luke65mcbride@gmail.com 

Being Alive - Bernadette Peters

You've Got a Friend #love #compassion #goodness #peace

A few years ago I went to a concert of James Taylor and Carol King. I had heard their song a millions of times in my life, and every time I heard it, it stirred the emotions inside me.  It is of sorts, a flagship of my thoughts. I have tried, and always will try, to be as good, and inclusive, with friends and family as I can be.  To this day it still makes me teary and I think of friends and family. It conjures up memories of the past and its relevance to the present.  Music has always given me strength and pleasure, it makes me meditate, it makes me happy and it heals my sadness.

Happy and sad tears are quite often discouraged with guys and if you do have tears, a lot of people out there say, 'Ah yea, he is gay.'  'That's what they do.'  I however, find tears to be a cleansing, a renewal to my soul, a joyful peace release.  Something that I feel is my greatest asset, something that stirs my emotions, something that brings me alive. (Also good for the tissue manufacturers!) It gives me an outpouring that makes me strive to be a better person.  And you know, I don't care what people say about tears.  In fact, I think that most worldly decisions would be better made over a tear and a thought for our fellow man. 
 

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I remember looking around that concert stadium and seeing tears, and emotion, run rampant with that song.  Tears from people of all creeds, colour, age, and gender.  If their were no tears there was a sea of glazed eyes thinking of goodness, love and peace.  There was not one sign of bitterness, or hate, to be found.  Yes, tears and emotions were so high, that one would wish now that all political and religious decisions were made there and then.  If all political and religious leaders showed the emotion of that stadium, there would be no wars. There would be no segregation, no discrimination and no missiles aimlessly launched into airliners that hold the treasure of family, friends, and professionals who may well hold the key to disease. The world would be a far greater place.  

Personally, I would recommend that, that song, should be a worldwide anthem. Scrap the anthems that have no current meaning.  Make 'You've Got a Friend' the anthem!  Encourage our children who are our future to sing it loud, to sing it proud.  Without friends and without emotion this world cannot survive.  Encourage our religious and political leaders to take a leaf from children's minds.  Minds that see no barriers of race, colour, gender or creed.  Minds that are genuine.  Minds that depend on love. Minds that are nurtured by caring and minds that see only good in people.  

Encourage your children to feel emotion and, to express it.  These children are our future. As adults, let's dispense with the thought that tears and emotion are a sign of weakness. Let's encourage an outpouring of our souls and only then may we feel for our fellow man. Let's make this world a stadium of feeling, compassion and friendship.  Let's not teach our children our bigotries, our biases our selfishness or our greed, but teach them the love that we give them in their cribs.  The love that they are the most wonderful creatures on earth.  

Only then can we see a world that is truly better without wars, without missiles, a world full of peace love and harmony.  

These are my thoughts.  Reach out today and tell someone you love and care for them.  It can only get better.

Cheers!
 
Bitchescoz 

Contact: luke65mcbride@gmail.com

 You've got a Friend - James Taylor & Carole King

studentofpeace.org

Reach Out and Touch #caring #compassion #isolation

In the last few days we have witnessed the horror of a plane being shot down, completely destroyed, along with the lives of hundreds of great people.  To the families and friends of those lost, we hold up our prayers for you, and yours, in your time of mourning and for the beyond.Losing someone to wreckage is a very difficult time as you do not have the chance to walk with them through their journey.  You don't have time to plan beyond.  And if there was unrest between you, there is no time for a joint settlement and peace.
 

quotesvalley.com

How easy is it, to be here today and gone tomorrow?  None of us, can afford to leave the opportunity to reach out and touch the lives of others while they are still here. We must offer support and walk with them through their journey.  Not one of us is privy to the time when we will finally close our eyes. Once the window of opportunity has closed, there is no second chance, no second take. This is not a dress rehearsal. What we have, is what we've got!  It takes very little, to show someone care and compassion.  It is so easy to touch someone and show that you are there. It's easy to let others feel the warm breath of comfort.  However, once that chance has gone, there is no turning back the clock.   

Recently, I wrote a post on the blog about following someone, as they follow you, on social media.  I spoke of heads of churches, and aid organizations, having followers by the millions but, these people rarely follow back.  I have spoken of prevention and caring before so, I wrote to one of the agencies that offers help to people with emotional difficulties.  I asked why they don't follow people back.  The answer I received was, they don't have the facilities nor the manning capabilities to follow back.  A fair call I guess! But, I cannot understand why that question could be answered with such haste, while that same person could merely click the follow button on their screen for those people, who actually follow them. The number of emails I received in agreement with my question was amazing.  There were people from all walks of life and personal circumstances, most of whom never needed the services, but nonetheless agreed with what I had said.

This is where I say - that 'follow', that 'like', that 'touch' - may prevent someone from doing something from which they cannot turn back.  That 'follow', that 'like', that 'touch', allows people the thought that someone is there. It allows the people who may be contemplating something life changing, or God forbid, life threatening to realize that these organizations are made up of humans. Caring people, and not robots, who only care for numbers rather than people. People that they are espousing should care for their fellow man.

I said that there were people like myself, who would volunteer to press those 'follow' buttons, so that these people would feel that someone was there with them.  The second response to this comment was that it would be passed on to the appropriate leaders, and they would look into it.

My problem with most people who say, 'We will look into it' are quite often, only looking into a mirror at their own reflection. Obviously, never contemplating the needs of those around them and the benefits, that 'follow', that 'like', that 'touch' may bring.  Quite often these same people only care how much it may effect their work load or their lifestyle.  Yes, it is ok for these people, for when and if the time comes for one of their own, they have myriad's of helpers at their fingertips to help 'their' needy.  God help those, that may have only needed that breath of comfort of knowing, they were being 'followed'.

All I am asking that we who were born naked (not those that were born with that silver spoon) reach out and touch someone else's life, before it is indeed, too late.

Write in more and lets discuss this - maybe together we can encourage others to care more.

Cheers!

Bitchescoz

Contact: luke65mcbride@gmail.com 

Reach out and Touch Somebody - Diana Ross

Don't Let the Sun go Down! #anger #relationships #repair #acceptance

There is an old saying that we shouldn't let the sun go down on an argument.  We all have arguments, misunderstandings, differences of opinion and that is natural. I personally believe that it is probably one of the best bits of advice I have ever received in my life. This doesn't  mean I follow that advice all the time but, without paying attention to  life's wounds they can become very infected. The longer we leave a wound unattended the worse it can become.

I know that sometimes, it is good to give each other some space in some situations. But, I know from being gay and human, I tend to sometimes dramatize and build my emotions to such an extent that quite often it becomes more difficult to heal it. Thus, making both parties less approachable, more aloof, and more easily hurt than they were prior to the first cut.

The first cut is often described as the deepest! So having said that, if we really want to heal the rift, we must act quickly to remedy the cause for the abrasive reaction. Clinically speaking, we must stand back for a second, assess the extent of the damage, then prepare the wound by cleansing the surface. Then, perging deeper to give that painful incision less bias, and indeed, healing.

I know from my experience, if  someone has offended me and I just stop and walk away, I become more angry, less open to discussion than initially. If they do not try to remedy the situation, this gay boy tends to stew! I let myself bottle up to the point that when I explode, God help anyone within 1,000 kilometres. I know I am not the only one. This is not only a gay thing either. It is like the aforesaid cut, when infected, without attention becoming more infected and finally becoming gangrenous.

None of us wants a situation to get out of hand. But, quite often none of us want to get to the blood and guts of the matter either.  If we value, and want, that relationship, we must realize that not everyone has the same opinion as us. We must realize that everyone has, and is entitled to, their own. That is the reason why we are the fabric of life. We are part of the overall pattern, texture and colour that makes the quilt of beauty of a human landscape.

All I am saying is, yes we have tiffs, but don't let it get out of hand.  Relationships are too precious to lose. over something that sometimes only needs a band-aid treatment.

Fix the pain, heal the wound, cause 'losin everything is like the sun going down on me"

Cheers!

Bitchescoz

Contact: luke65mcbride@gmail.com

Gay Male or Mere Male???? #gay #domesticgoddess #helpinghand

Today I am asking, 'Are some of the ridiculously dumb things we do inherent because we are gay,  because we are male, or are they not particularly gender related and just plain silly?'

In the advent of friends and relations dropping in this week due to a family gathering for a celebration of a life well lived, my dear partner decided to get out of the kitchen for a while.  And, assume my position as vacuum maid.

He was doing really well for someone without the experience I possess.  Despite the subtle hints of 'Did you move the couch?'  'Did you dust before you did the floor?'  'Don't bump our treasures on the stairs!'  He had seemed to have acquired my skills simply through observation, and I was impressed!  Especially impressed that he did not back chat me with my questions.  Having seen his mastering of such a riveting and very prestigious position in the House of Lords, I was contemplating upping his rank to Domestic Welfare Minister.

This all took a very sour turn for the worse!  Again, I was so impressed that he passed me with the dust canister to dispose of the sins of a few days grime to the refuse. That he cleaned the filter - I had not even known he had observed that skill ever!   This is when I walked to the garden to see my beloved, hosing the life out of my trusted steed named Hoover.  Before I could say 'What the?' he had immersed motor and all in a bucket, and was cleaning madly to make it look brand spanking new. You see, I have learned that yelling is of no consequence to a deaf man, and worse, when he removes his cochlear when playing in water.  However he has learned the facial expressions of the Ice Queen, and immediately looked me in the eye for a compliment of how great of a job he had done.  He knows that if he plays the innocent hand, he may win the trick.

So after a few 'How could you?  'Why did you?'  'Whenever did you see me do?' You figure as you throw trusted hoover in the bin, and you explain the consequences of water and electricity, that sometimes explanations and  job descriptions should be initiated before you hand the reins over.

Are these things avoidable?  Are they a gay thing?  Are they merely a male thing where we assume we know everything?

In my venting to my best friend of today's occurrences, she reminded me of my romantic night where I lit candles too close to an electrical cable.  She reminded me of the time when a cyclone was approaching with huge force. She had said, 'Immerse some of your outside stuff that could take flight into the pool.'  I did of course, do what she had advised! But did she explain to me what stuff?  No!!!! She assumed I knew what went in and what did not! Not once did she believe I would submerge the BBQ and my potted plants.  Of which, the BBQ and the plants died a death owing to it being a salt water pool.  Rust and a salt bath do not bring joy to foliage nor wrought iron, nor I may add to my pool man's face when he rocks up on his weekly visit to clean the pool.

No, I don't believe it is just a gay or male thing.  Come on fess up!  We all do silly things from time to time.  It is not a male nor gay thing.  It is not a female thing.  It is not a thing of children.

It is that, we often take others for granted, that they have followed our lead.  It is that, often we don't ask the experienced of what to do next.  It is often that children do what their parents have done in the past and not realized the times, nor the situation, that they were in at the time. For example the child grows up, sets up house, invites the parents over for dinner.  The mother sees the child prepare the lamb roast.  Having watched the mother for years the new adult cuts the hock from the lamb throws it out to the dog.  The mother onlooking, says to the child, 'Why did you cut off the hock and throw to the dog? It is the best meat.'  The child turns to the mother and says, 'I have watched you do that all my life, so I did what you did.'  The mother replied. 'I only did that because my baking dish was to small to fit it all in!'

This is where, none of us, do silly things because of a gender nor age.  We simply do it, because we lack the knowledge.  We don't ask questions.  We assume too much.  We don't open ourselves, to show others, that we need support.  We don't take time to explain fully to others that are learning.  Put simply, we need to communicate! 

Therefore we all must learn to communicate, offer help, accept constructive advice, and return it with a thank-you, you saved my life.

Now we are off to the electrical store to purchase a water-proof vacuum cleaner.

Cheers!

Bitchescoz 

Contact: luke65mcbride@gmail.com

techno.com.my

Rainy Days and Mondays #ambition #drive #foundations #dreams

Anyone for a ride?

It seems as if it was in the dark ages now, but Richard Carpenter wrote 'Rainy Days and Mondays'.  Today with the rain, and things not happening at the rate that this impatient Aquarian likes, it was one of those days indeed.

Rain bucketing, and fueling my already morbid and miserable day, I decided not to let this weather coax me into a state of impatience and negative thoughts. So, I decided to forge my way, gung-ho into a positive plan.

This plan of action, quite honestly, can be a tad annoying for those around me as I channel my negatives, to an irritating (ok bloody annoying) attempt to achieve my life time goals in one day.  I research, I Google thoughts. I annoy my partner with seemingly endless articles of how to achieve goals, and spread them around the normally very tidy abode.  I call friends (one in particular) to discuss my goals, to gather their/her thoughts as to how I can have it all done in one day and meanwhile, set up house in the castle of my dreams in Venice.  TODAY - NOW.

After their  soothing thoughts, of less exuberance, such as 'Rome wasn't built in a day' and, 'Baby steps Honey', I decide to reject these offers of suggestion and carry through my dreams alone.

However, despite all my attempts to channel my thoughts alone, I  kept hitting a brick wall.  Building Rome in one day was fast becoming  a delusion, as was getting my laundry dry on the outside clothesline in the rain.  My dream castle was fast crumbling into the Grand Canal in Venice.

Before the tide covers the roof of my castle,  I must change course.  I must change gears and go for plan B.  I must achieve the goals I can for this day, not change the course of my life in one swoop!  Firstly, I must remove the sodden clothes from the line,  throw them in the dryer or my partner won't have ironing to do tonight.  God forbid, I may have to do it when he is occupied with other things of his own,  rather than tidying the hoards of paper I have set out everywhere.

I have to look at what I have achieved so far.  I have to look at the things I can achieve today before the sun sets (or is that rain sets). In looking at what I can do today, I can see because of the rain, that it will surely be better to pour the foundation for my dreams in better weather. Rather than setting them on the  wet and soggy soil of Rome, only to have them collapse in the few short years to come.  No, I am not going to take baby steps but, I will make sure I take footed steps today to achieve my goals.

Yes, we all have dreams we would love to achieve in a short time, but maybe my advice givers were right?  Count our blessings!  Move  sure footed!  Yes, the rains will come to halt our progress, but they make us think more.  They make us think, 'Do we want our dreams to be short lived?'  Of course not!  We want our dreams to stand proud and tall for years to come like the grandeur of Rome.  We need our castles in Venice to withstand the tides and the rising damp.

Yes, we must have dreams but we must not beat ourselves (he he and others) up when we have a deluge of inclement weather.

When the rain clears we will notice that indeed those 'Rainy days and Mondays'  will bring growth and a  bounty that has vigorous and long lasting wonder.

Now, I must go apologise to my partner and my friends,

Cheers!

Bitchescoz 

 Contact: luke65mcbride@gmail.com

My Castle in Venice

Care Factor

Today's topic is care or caring! A topic to my way of thinking that, is not as simple as it sounds. How easy is it for us to say we care? But do we really?  We like to think that we do care, but it is not that simple. Caring is not just a temporary state - it is as constant as time. And therein lies the problem!

How many times do you/we say 'Take Care!' and really mean it? How many times do we actually follow through with the caring that we offer? Or is it simply a statement - I offered it - now you're on your own, care for yourself!

Sometimes, I think that is exactly what we mean, we don't have time to care for anyone but ourselves. Is it simply a throw away line like, 'How are you?' or worse, 'Have a nice day!' Do we take time for someone to reply to those one liners?  Or, do we merely throw them in to sound as though we are sweet and sincere?  Deep down, we don't want them to reply we just want them to let you keep on moving. Do we throw them in at the end of text messages because we really mean them or is it just a sign off without true meaning to make the text sound warm and fuzzy. How many of you have had the shopkeeper say to you have a nice day and wanted to shoot them coz you know that they really don't mean it. It's just a fill in line while they move to the next customer. Quite often, by the time you go to reply, they have already started serving the next customer and asked for their frequent shopper card. I for one am tired of the expressions - take care or, have a nice day. They roll off the tongue too easily without 'thought and sincerity' accompanying them.

This appearing to care is not restricted to individuals. How many times have you seen a news item of someone taking their own life? To their credit, the news bulletins broadcast such news in a dignified and respectful way only to finish the item with the throw away line of 'If anyone you know needs help, contact Beyond Blue.' Ok, that is that messy problem dealt with, lets move on! Maybe this is not their intention, but to me it says Ring1800don'tgiveashit! The other problem I have is with days like RUOK Day. I do not wish to denigrate this idea in any way, as it has been created with the best of intentions however,who does it really benefit?  In my workplace there are people who struggle with the 'Black Dog' every day and they hate the platitude of people, who basically don't give a shit, coming up to them and saying "Are you ok?' No, they are not ok, but no-one hangs around long enough to find out. The task has been completed, the general populace feels all warm and fuzzy cos they apparently care, and those that need the care are more marginalized than ever. I for one refuse to participate. I believe it is what you do every day that makes a difference - how you treat people. How you value them and love them.

These initiatives are well meaning but what can we do to become a truly caring society?  What can we do to make others realize that your 'Take Care!' or 'Are you ok?' is sincere and meaningful?   How can we say we care about a cause, simply pay it lip service, and not actually assign emotions and actions to substantiate our involvement? How do we get the ball rolling so others may genuinely take up the challenge of caring and paying it forward?

Grass Roots! Start at home, start caring for your family and friends, put yourself out there - with simple baby steps! (As a friend so often says about anything). Humble beginnings lead to great achievements! Take time to listen, to help out, to show true concern! No matter how simple your help is, it shows true generosity of the heart and time.  How many people do you reflect on and say when they have gone, 'I wish I could have done more!'  'I wish I had got to know them more!'

Don't let this happen to you. Assign yourself with emotion, a generosity of spirit, giving a little time and God knows it will pay off. Not only for yourself but to make that person or cause feel worthy. They in turn will pay it forward to benefit others, and follow your example. A little time well spent brings benefits beyond belief.

So start small, baby steps - when someone needs some caring, offer it.  Get your hands a little dirty, let them tag your ear a bit, let them cry on your shoulder. And humble beginnings will lead to great achievements.

Care for someone today, share some compassion and time and who knows you might not read of their obituary and say, I wish I had got to know them more.

Happy caring,

Bitchescoz