Road Trip #friendship

Today, tired of painters around the house, I decided to escape on a trip to nowhere in particular but, just hit the highway. I had no intention of getting out of the car. Just a round trip, to think through some things with my music playing, being alone and meditative. As it happens, my sister and I have been talking of late of the wonders of friendships. Not acquaintances, but friends that are as much to you as a relationship, and a relationship that you believe will stand tall and strong till the end of time. 

I’m not talking Facebook friends here that you can accept and reject as quickly as it is to hit a button, but friendships that are meaningful, part of your family but not blood. 

 

meme-lol.com

As in all relationships we need to be committed. (Not that ‘committed’ but committed to the relationship). We need to be there when the chips are down as well as enjoying their successes and happiness.  We need to treat with respect, with care, and to realize that they have feelings and hearts that can be broken. In a partnership, our word, our actions can hurt and  jeopardise the longevity of that commitment.  Also, we must remember that we need to work on our relationship as it will only prosper with the love and thought that we put into it. 

Driving down this highway I suddenly realize that driving is a lot like friendship itself.  We need to learn to merge, give way, move with care, cruise, brake, slow down, speed up, take care, respect other drivers abilities, be mindful, and indicate our intentions. Without all of these we are destined to end at the wreckers or worse.

As I am not on a mission and I am basically Sunday driving on a Tuesday I realize that others are thinking only of getting to their destination, meeting time limits, and some just know that they are bigger and more robust than me and can demand right of passage whether I like it or not.  Some are more showy than me and have an arrogance that tells me to get out of their way.  Their branding, their personalised plates and the size of their exhausts display their self-importance on this highway.  

The friendship highway can be much the same and, without the same courtesies as driving our friendships can end in human wreckage. 

We as drivers on the friendship highway must learn that each, and everyone, is as important as the next and that each driver of life is to be afforded that respect and courtesy. There should be no one judged by the size of their exhausts, their branding, if they are on a time limit, or if they are much more powerful than the next. 

This is something we must take into our daily lives. We may think that we are too busy or too over revved (busy with our day to day responsibilities) for our friendships.  We have to be mindful that our friends need merge as well on our highway.  If a friendship is to survive the journey we must remember that we need to give some time to the Sunday drivers.  The size of our exhausts and brands (our egos, self importance) must take a back seat and allow for our relationships to cruise rather than be rushed, and made feel uncomfortable.  So often we tend to make our friends feel inadequate, and worthless, owing to their unbranded, putt putt they call a car.  (their lives) 

Our actions must reflect our trueness, our commitment to our relationships.  Yes we all get busy but do we have to say to our friends that we are soooooooo busy, making them feel that there is no time for them.  We need to think a little too about our friends situation.  When we know that our true friends are not as financial as we are, do we need to say OH MY GOD I am spending so much on this and that and make them feel more inadequate than they already feel.  Quite often I know that those same friends put their finances further down the slope because they know that they would give their last cent to their friends if they could and give the very little that they have to show them they care and are there for them.

My sister and I had discussed recently how that friendship can be quite one sided.  We discussed how quickly some friendships disappear when your money is depleted.  Suddenly you realize that, when the well is dry, those friends become soooooo busy and have lives that do not include you.  We also discussed that sometimes you and your friends decide to take on other things like holidays, or dinners to find that at the end of it you are left holding the baby and no support has been given.  Dinners become a nightmare! One night you say ‘your shout’ and you encourage your guests to dine like kings or queens in our case.  The next time your friends say ‘their shout’ and immediately as the menu is presented say, ‘OH MY GOD! I could only have the entree size or I am not that hungry.’  This may be true but, don't say this, as your guests for the evening are wanting the queens dinner and are suddenly made to feel that they are mere servants and must eat the peasant meal.  You make them guilty and order the least inexpensive. 

We must realize that to be friends and to have friends is the most wonderful experience.  Something that you must cherish and nurture till the day you no longer have breathe.

Today I thank the painters for making me think, for making me appreciate my friends and to realize that tomorrow may never come.  So make the most of that friendship that partnership on life’s highway.  I thank them for opening my eyes to merge this highway of friendship and to make my friends realize that they are right there on my highway and that together we can create the most wonderful journey and that our road trip is not trip around the block but a journey of care, compassion and love. 

 

rollingout.com

Sitting on the Fence #courage

How often do we want something, believe in something? Whether it be a simple want or justice, or equality, or clarification to a situation, quite often we all are guilty of sitting back and watching others do the hard yards. Then, when all the work is done, we reap the benefits or, if the outcome is not successful we can honestly say we were not involved in the exercise.  We sit on the fence and bask in the glory of success and not ruffle a feather, and appear neutral if the outcome goes the other way. 

Quite often, even family loyalty is something we sit on the fence with too. We appear to be behind and trust someone 100% but, in fact we have placed our bets fifty/fifty so we,ourselves, don’t get hurt when the race is run. We simply say we do not want to be involved!  It’s so much easier to let others sort it out, to believe in someone and let them take the fall.  Believe me I have been there.  I have watched someone make the point, backed them from the fence and then, when the outcome is sorted, I can go either side of the fence depending on the outcome and, I have not lifted a finger, or broken a nail, so I look like the nice guy.  

 

thesource.com

Sitting on the fence and being the nice guy is safe, it’s convenient, and it’s less time consuming.  But to be a nice guy on the ground pursuing equality, fairness, justice, and resolution is a much harder option.

 

Where would we fence sitters be today without  the on the ground nice guys such as Martin Luther King Jnr, Mahatma Gandhi, Helen Keller, Aung Suu Kyi, Nelson Mandela, Coretta Scott King, John F. Kennedy, Eleanor Roosevelt, Mother Teresa, Harvey Milk, and the list goes on?  You’ve got it, without these nice guys, we would probably not even have a fence let alone a world. 

These nice guys fought for our very liberty, justice, equality and peace. They believed in something, stood their ground and battled head on, not a wishy washy one among them. They felt strongly for and stood unabashed to defend truth and justice. Some of whom suffered persecution, imprisonment and even death for the very rights and benefits we so luckily have today. 

So where do we go from here? Do we sit on the fence and watch injustice?  Do we sit and watch as others fight our battle?  Do we sit on the fence and say we don’t want to get involved? If we continue on this path, we have no conscience, we have no credibility, we have no compassion. If we continue on this path we do not even have the true ability to love or to care.  We are just empty shells, hollow and emotionless. 

I know what sort of nice guy, I want to be.  I want to stand for justice, for truth and, for equality for all and I will not sit on the fence and take the safe option. When the day comes to close my eyes for the final time, I want to be proud to say ‘I tried’, ‘I cared,’ and ‘I loved’.

It won’t happen overnight but wouldn’t it be nice for everyone to stand their ground proudly and get involved - to make a difference and to promote truth and justice for every man, woman and child. 

Just my thoughts!

commons.wikimedia.org

Diamonds are Forever #friendship #endurance #love

Diamonds have always been a thing of beauty, a thing of resilience. One of the hardest substances on Earth, they are one of nature's wonders. How can something so beautiful be so strong. They have been and still are symbols of status, a symbol of love - a gift of love. 
 

loyesdiamonds.ie

Diamonds in the rough are still a treasure and our friendships and love can easily be compared to diamonds. If we appreciate the beauty, the resilience, and the strength of love, the way we do of diamonds then, we are the richest people on earth.  

If we value our friendships, digging and persevering to find that sparkle is well worth it. Unlike diamonds, that love, that sparkle, exists even when not worn. It lives deep in our hearts and sparkles from within. It is something that has no monetary value, something that is priceless  Something that can only be valued by the people to whom you entrust your sparkle. A value that does not adjust to a financial index metre.  A value that will increase in worth for our duration, and if we share that love it will linger forever.  

Having said this, I believe that love and friendship is something worth mining.  No matter how dirty you get in the process, the result is priceless. The feeling is indescribable and, the benefits are beyond expression. The beauty of holding that love in your heart is worth the scrapes, worth time put in to seek that sparkle. And, once you have that sparkle, you ensure that you polish, preen, and keep it gleaming forever.  

The cutting of the diamond is as important as how we treat, and care for, our friendships and love. The better the cut the better the quality.  Therefore examine that rough love, treat it with respect, treat it with care. Look at each aspect of it and bring out that beauty, that sparkle. Gently grind back those rough, and sometimes hidden flaws, and and help them see the sparkle that they possess.  Let them see that diamonds are lovely as a solitaire but, when encrusted in a union of love, that solitaire will look simple compared to a setting interwoven with gold and other precious gems.  

I look at friendships of my own and some of my friends feel that they don't shine. They feel dull and lifeless at times, tarnished from what life dishes out. But, if we simply spend some time showing them their internal sparkle, they will look in the mirror and realize they are glorious, that they are a thing of beauty. Something that is priceless in ours  and others eyes.  Let's face it, quite often we get too busy to think beyond ourselves, and while we are preening our egos, we forget those that give us our sparkle in the first place.  

So I encourage you to mine for that sparkle, be mindful of its value, be conscious of the cutting. Develop the setting that is equally enjoyed and admired.  Polish with love often and treasure the beauty that sparkles within.  

Until next time, thanks for the emails, thanks for the encouragement, and thank you for spending time with me.  Stay safe, be kind to yourself and share the love and remember, life's diamonds are forever.  
Cheers!

Bitchescoz

Contact: luke65mcbride@gmail.com

 Diamonds are Forever -Shirley Bassey

 

Getting Laid #love #life #relationships

As you read recently, we just had our conservatory built. Now it is up, the courtyard needs a makeover. The sun no longer gets to the grass, and barren soil is not really a good look. I maybe an interior designer but, as a manual labourer, I think I have limitations.  Having said that, I try not to let anything defeat me and I will give anything a try - once. Well within limits.

He he.

Having my measurements at hand, having sourced my supplier of pavers, my credit card in my pocket and small truck to pick up my purchases, I take off for the adventure of broken fingernails, rough hands and crippled knees.

I had not told you that these new pavers must be matched up to the existing pavers, both in colour and laying pattern.  My friend that I speak of regularly, helped (ok laid most) with the last lot.  So, I have a pattern and a standard to live up to. Sad she could not afford me the 1600 kilometre trip to help me with these, but I assure you her presence is felt continually with the constant 'Send me a pic text' and 'Have you used a spirit level text'.  Be it noted not once has she sent a 'Show me your broken fingernail text'.  I have tried the sympathy root but, 'Toughen up baby text' really does not console my loss of skin, nail and aching knees. I swear the woman was Attila the Hun in a previous life. I also find it amazing, that my other half finds something else to do, as soon as he hears (amazing as he is deaf) the side gate open for me to carry these 400 x 400 weapons of torture through to the back garden.

The winter weather is kind for my labour. There are no streams of sweat beating off my brow. Now that's a bonus!  I really admire people that can slog it out in the heat and not seem to show any ill effect apart from bulging muscles. I can always dream that my few days of hard labour may put me in the running for Mr. Universe.

My mind wanders when I am in the garden and paving brings no exception.  My mind thinks how easy it looks to fit square pieces of slab together, but the preparation, and the time spent to make it fit perfectly, is rather like life itself. We all may appear to be the same fit but making it uniform is another story.  Life is really like that, we are all individual pieces, but blending in. Fitting perfectly can be hard work, but the end result is beneficial to all. Doing it yourself you may get some scrapes, some aches! But, if worked properly, taking time, realizing the lay of the land, we all fit together like an intricate quilt.  Mind you if getting laid was a painful as this, I think I would join a convent.

Love and relationships are much the same as this, if worked with care and consideration, some thought and preparation, we can have a work of art in our own personal landscape. Something that is long lasting and, with proper maintenance, can sustain our needs for a lifetime. Yes, it may get a little messy, it may be gruelling sometimes, but the rewards are limitless.

Unlike paving, where we can bring in some professionals, our life landscape has to be hand done.  It needs a devotion to detail. We need to set  our foundations on firm ground for the future, and yes, like the pavers, the bedding (ooops of sand) can be nice and keep us firm and fixed in place for when the sand in our life hour glass starts to time out.

Until next time, I trust you will keep up the emails, keep me informed of your life's happenings and stay safe.  Right now I must go proffer another 'Send me a pic text' to Attila, my friend Piglette to show that my work is of the highest slave labour.

Cheers!

Bitchescoz

Contact: luke65mcbride@gmail.com

How Long is a Piece of String? #love #relationships #philosophy

We all use philosophical riddles like 'How long is a piece of string?' And others such as 'How deep is the ocean?" They are riddles that do not have an answer and, when you think about it, one can't add a quantity or length to it.  This is the same for love really! How do we quantify love? 

irisclasson.com

Each and every one of us is different. We have our own likes and dislikes. Quite often it is these differences or similarities that create great relationships, be it as friends or lovers. The depth of love varies depending on the type and the person. If it is a friendship love you bounce your differences off each other and there is acceptance of that. But, the beauty of a friendship love is you are not in a 24/7 situation often. This is the case for my Bestie and I, though we have managed some very heated exchanges via text message. Boy, I am glad I am not the screen on her phone as she thumps her messages out when we are in full flight. I am sure the satellite has smoke pouring out of it as our texts fly back and forth. However, our differences soon pass and then, past is past!

In a family love it is much the same, you all have differences, interests, and preferences. 'Blood is thicker than water.' they say, referring to families 'sticking together through thick and thin'. However, the old saying 'You can choose your friends but you cannot choose your relatives' is probably more accurate as sibling rivalry, old squabbles, and new beginnings strain relationships. Though mostly, you respect the blood tie and your love again is a riddle that only you and the other party can quantify.  
 
A love/partner relationship, is ongoing, learning, growing together. It is experiencing life's joys, and trials and tribulations scenario. This is a more in your face, in your bed, situation. This relationship needs a lot of attention from both parties to keep the zing, the romance, and the passion for togetherness alive. Just because you share a house, you share a bed, does not mean that both of you are exactly the same. The love that we as partners have, varies from relationship to relationship. Each and every one of us have our own hidden, or open rules.  God, I know we do, even though I am perfect :) There can still be differences from time to time.  

Each type of love is a philosophical riddle in  itself.  The depth, strength, and longevity is determined by what we put into it.  As none of us are privy to when we close our eyes for the last time, we should be open to learning, to growing, to nurturing any love that is before us. Our circle of friends love may vary or grow. But, how open we are to others determines how, why and when!

The love we have for each other is not determined by our bank balance.  It should not be based on 'My love is better than your love' owing to what you have done for someone.  Love should be a gift with no expectations placed on it.  A free merging of spirit and acceptance. A generosity of heart. We as adults should not accept that love can be directed by, and dictated, as to who we love by ancient teachings or politics.  

In other words love has no limits, just the extremities of how great each, and everyone of us, can make it.  Sure, there will be dark and difficult days! But, knowing that someone is there with you, be it friend, family, or lover, the philosophical statement "the sky is the limit" is yours for the asking.  

These are my thoughts and I would love to hear from you again on email.  I love the discussions.  

Till next time crank up the volume of Diana Ross and sing along with me 'Ain't no mountain high enough.'

Cheers!
 
Bitchescoz

Contact: luke65mcbride@gmail.com

Ain't No Mountain High Enough - Diana Ross

A Postcript to 'Is being Gay a Disability?'

Today, I was actually going to publish a totally different post, but this is a continuation of my last post really so here goes! Tonite, on Channel 10, Michael Parkinson interviews Ian Thorpe and asks him the big question about his sexuality. I know there have been questions about Ian Thorpe's sexuality since day dot, but hey, is this really any body's business but his own? Why is there this need for anyone to know? Since, the previews of this interview have hit the airways, it is all over the news - Ian Thorpe is gay! I wonder if he came out in the interview and said he was going to be a Dad and getting married would the news headlines have said - Ian Thorpe is straight. I do not think so!!!

I have nothing but admiration for Ian Thorpe and his coming out. He has battled with mental health issues in the last few years and hopefully he will now find peace. What is a sad reflection on our society, is that there is any need at all for him to even feel the need to publicly declare his sexuality. Why can't he simply be seen in public with his partner and everyone just accept that is his choice. Does this make him a different person to the one previous to the interview? Absolutely not! The fact that there is even this need to come out publicly simply reinforces my previous article where there seems to be this need to put us in a box. Hello, boxes do not interest us at all :)

We just want to be seen as people, cos after all, that is simply what we are. When they asked people on the street what they thought of Ian Thorpe's coming out, the answers were quite heartwarming. They ranged from -'This is 2014, why is this even an issue?' to 'Good on him, he is an amazing athlete!' There are messages of encouragement from our own Magda, and Rodney Croombe from Marriage Equality Australia commended him saying it would make life easier for others coming out and even prevent some from taking their own life.

How sad is it that there is still such angst in expressing our sexuality, that there is such a need to hide behind the facade of heterosexuality. This is what the gay movement is all about. It is about being ourselves without shame or favour. It is about being ourselves, being free to hold hands in public, to steal that little kiss or secret look without someone screaming that we are rubbing our sexuality in their face. At this point in time, we tend to hang out with our gay brothers and sisters in gay clubs and bars. But, we also risking gay apartheid, where we totally segregate ourselves from the straight community. This would be a shame as our fight to be equal really fails. The only way we are really equal is if we mix freely and equally on all levels of society,and that includes our feeling comfortable socializing with everyone and them feeling comfortable socializing with us. One day there will be no them and us.

Ian Thorpe is/was an amazing athlete. He has every right to be proud of his achievements because he has achieved at a level that only few can aspire to. Australia should be proud of Ian Thorpe because we basked in his glory and took credit when he stood on that podium and collected gold. Now we should be doubly proud. We wish him well in his future life! May he find true happiness with the man of his dreams. May society leave him to enjoy his peaceful existence and Australia should remember him for the truly amazing athlete that he was. His sexuality, while defining who he is on a personal level, should not and does not define who he is on a public level. We do not judge those who heal us who are gay, we do not judge those that teach who are gay, we do not judge those who entertain us who are gay and the list goes on.

So, Ian Thorpe, Australia does not judge you. We applaud you!

Cheers!

Bitchescoz!

Contact: luke65mcbride@gmail.com
 

Don't Let the Sun go Down! #anger #relationships #repair #acceptance

There is an old saying that we shouldn't let the sun go down on an argument.  We all have arguments, misunderstandings, differences of opinion and that is natural. I personally believe that it is probably one of the best bits of advice I have ever received in my life. This doesn't  mean I follow that advice all the time but, without paying attention to  life's wounds they can become very infected. The longer we leave a wound unattended the worse it can become.

I know that sometimes, it is good to give each other some space in some situations. But, I know from being gay and human, I tend to sometimes dramatize and build my emotions to such an extent that quite often it becomes more difficult to heal it. Thus, making both parties less approachable, more aloof, and more easily hurt than they were prior to the first cut.

The first cut is often described as the deepest! So having said that, if we really want to heal the rift, we must act quickly to remedy the cause for the abrasive reaction. Clinically speaking, we must stand back for a second, assess the extent of the damage, then prepare the wound by cleansing the surface. Then, perging deeper to give that painful incision less bias, and indeed, healing.

I know from my experience, if  someone has offended me and I just stop and walk away, I become more angry, less open to discussion than initially. If they do not try to remedy the situation, this gay boy tends to stew! I let myself bottle up to the point that when I explode, God help anyone within 1,000 kilometres. I know I am not the only one. This is not only a gay thing either. It is like the aforesaid cut, when infected, without attention becoming more infected and finally becoming gangrenous.

None of us wants a situation to get out of hand. But, quite often none of us want to get to the blood and guts of the matter either.  If we value, and want, that relationship, we must realize that not everyone has the same opinion as us. We must realize that everyone has, and is entitled to, their own. That is the reason why we are the fabric of life. We are part of the overall pattern, texture and colour that makes the quilt of beauty of a human landscape.

All I am saying is, yes we have tiffs, but don't let it get out of hand.  Relationships are too precious to lose. over something that sometimes only needs a band-aid treatment.

Fix the pain, heal the wound, cause 'losin everything is like the sun going down on me"

Cheers!

Bitchescoz

Contact: luke65mcbride@gmail.com

Procrastination #patience #tolerance #love #ambition

How to cope with Procrastination! 

Today, I want to talk about coping with procrastination.  You know, I  get anxious just spelling it, cause it takes to long. And, from that remark you might be aware I am not, dare I spell it again, the procrastinator.  I seem to be surrounded with them.  My partner, my bestie and quite a few others exist in my inner circle.  Mind you, sometimes, I feel that I am a catalyst for their behaviour. That they somehow take pleasure in making this 'want it now', dreamer' Aquarian wait, and sweat out their decisions.

I swear, at University, I must have been dreaming in a magazine when they spoke of Myers Briggs type indicators, and how we are attracted.  I think I must have been dreaming that whole semester because I am surrounded by them! Surely if I  had paid attention, I might have avoided the penance that I have had, for such a long time now.  I love to jump out of bed and run headlong into things! And yes, I have made some very silly mistakes along the way, from not meditating upon the mysteries as to how, and why, I should do something.

Yes, it frustrates me that people aren't as quick to scathe the pinnacles of life that I attempt.  But yes, I surrender, it is also assuring that before I climb my mount, someone is there, contemplating, planning, thinking clearly. Despite me ready to fly without my fairy wings attached, they are there navigating the conditions, and checking work place health and safety regulations, before we attempt our course of action.

Yes I long for them to just scream the adage of Nike 'Just Do It!'  But I must sometimes realize that these people are put on earth for a purpose and, not to just sit back and watch others fall, or fail, miserably.  These people are designed by God to drive people like me crazy.  No not so.  God put these forward and deep thinkers on Earth to plan for a future, a future that is secure, a future that is not based on instinct and dreams alone. Yes, I am sure these people engineered the journeys into space, designed the tallest buildings so they would not topple, research the possibilities of curing the common cold (no wonder its taking  so long).   These people are organizers, implementers and visionaries.

Yes these people do infuriate people like me, but without them I would be a covered with bruises and have skinned knees.  Coping with them?  We just have to draw breath,  think a little before we leap, take their feelings, and thoughts, into consideration.  They must have a valid point.  We are created equal after all and I must give them time to get used to my scatter brain, 'seat of the pants' way of life.
So thinking these thoughts, I cope with any slow thoughts those around me have.  I thank our maker that this world is full of individuals. This world is full of people who care, who think, who do things different from each other but together, we can achieve goals, build dreams and create a wonderful future.

Together we form a magical woven cloth that when milled together can make a glorious world.

Now Honey, can you just make up your mind on our new refrigerator or our perishables will be lost.

Cheers!

Bitchescoz

Contact: luke65mcbride@gmail.com
 

I Love You More! #love #passion #nurture #caring

We all get tied up with the everyday humdrum of our lives.  We have people to see, places to go, careers to build, family and friends to care for! But, do we take for granted the person we fell in love with? It is easy to take them for granted - that they know you love them, deeply, passionately and with a forever kind of love. I know I fall short in this department.  We take it for granted that they just know.

 Just as children need nurturing, a gentle touch, and encouragement to grow into a caring, loving and compassionate human beings, so does the love that we share with our partners.  Like the roses we grow, the pets we have, they all need attention to detail to make sure they develop to their greatest potential.
Even as adults, we flourish and grow with the nurturing of love. We can't just feed it once or twice and expect it to grow without some attention. We need add some fertilizer for the soul. We really do keep growing till our last breath.
 
I know I love my man. I know that when we are apart it is like walking on one foot. I am not whole when he is not around. I think of his funny little ways, his funny little lingo, our mutual funny little lingo.  I miss the looks he gives (Ok some I don't miss!) but I do miss those quirky glances, those off beat nuances, those little expressions of love. Things we take for granted until they are not there.

As Bette Midler sings, 'We all have memories of loves and lives of people' and 'things we have affection for them all' but, 'inside we love the person we are with more'.  We don't lose those memories good or bad but, this person is our constant.  Therefore, I really have to give, touch, feel and express my love more often.  Don't expect him to be a mind reader that the love is still there.

It is quite easy to assume but, sometimes we look around and wonder why that person has gone. Why that person couldn't see I was busy?  Did my lover not know I have my career? Couldn't  he/she keep up to my pace?  I am a loving caring guy and I have to spread my caring beyond our doors. I have family and friends, didn't he/she see that?

You can throw a dog a bone, but does that mean you are his best friend? No, that dog needs a gentle pat, some grooming, a walk in the park, someone to have a little play and above all acknowledge that they are there.

Yes, we all get busy with the daily grind! But, unless we take them by the hand, say, 'I love you,' thank them for being there,and enjoy some 'one on one' with them, one day we may find they have not followed.  So what we need is to do, is tell them often, that no one compares and I love you more.

Now I have to go and speak our lingo and tap him 3 times, give him a hug to remind him 'I love you'.

Cheers!

Bitchescoz  

Contact: luke65mcbride@gmail.com

  In My Life - Bette Midler