The Life Beyond and The Life Left Behind

I sit and contemplate Alec’s entrance into the after life.  I see how he farewelled this life with hesitation (90 odd years)  but, I am sure he has entered the next, with music in his heart and at his fingertips.  This man will be tinkling the ivories with the best of them that are in that concert hall.  He will be sharing with his new found friends, and family, the wonderful memories of his life with Mary and the girls.  He will have already mapped the quickest ways to get around this great space and no GPS required.  This man was the master of transport and music.  His dry wit will have each, and everyone, in stitches and his loveable and jovial nature will bring all to sit beside him to hear of his life and love of a great woman.  

As we sit here thinking of how to carry on now that he is gone, we can only think of the void that is left with his absence.  Instead, we should think of this no fuss man who would not want us sitting around moping his leaving the building.  He would want everyone to carry on as before without the troubles of the last few years.  He would want the world to go back to normal and, for everyone, especially his beloved Mary to start living again.  He would want for all to remember the fun that they had experienced.  He would want everyone to rejoice, that the time spent was an adventure, and that the next adventure is just around the corner waiting.  And indeed, when our time comes we will all find that adventure with him at the helm no doubt. 

Death is very hard for us to bear but, if we think beyond ourselves for a moment, we will see the only people suffering are those that are left behind.  The departed are already planning the banquet, and the music, for our entrance to that great concert hall of our afterlife.  All they want, is for us to enjoy and make a better life for those that we will leave behind.  We have to make a difference, a contribution, so that when we leave our mortal coil, someone will be at least a little happier for knowing us. 

In dying, the challenge that Alec and many before him have set for us, is to do exactly that, to make a difference, to reach out and touch someones life.  To create memories, to encourage others to dream, to leave a footprint on this earth that others may follow. 

Life is going to be tough for a while, while we are looking around to see if our loved one is there.  However, if we think outside the square, and look to our side, that loved one is right beside us forever.  No, not in the physical sense, but their love is so strong that we will feel true love whether it is visible or not.  That love has been bequeathed to us, so that we may pass it on to those that we will leave behind someday. 

If we have truly been loved, and we have truly loved, that love can never die.  That love will simply ignite from us to others around us, if we only pass that love forward.  We owe it to our departed to keep their love alive and to pay it forward, to nurture love and kindness and make this a better world for when our time comes to finally close our eyes. 

So now Alec has left us, we owe it to him to not weep and mourn because he has left us but to be positive, to be out there and rejoice his life, and share the happiness that he so wanted and gave to those around him. 

We look forward to one day catching up with him. But for the next while we must carry on and build memories and love for those that we intern will leave one day. 

Take care, be strong and spread the love!

Always - Ella Fitzgerald 

A Long and Winding Road #bereavement #mourning #deathof love

Just recently, my cousin lost her dad.  This man was strong, loving, and adventurous in his prime. A prime that lasted 9 decades plus a few years.  Yes, they probably had their ups and downs, but the love shone. And that love possessed enough strength to make her loss as keen as the love she found on the day she saw his face for the first time. 

The loss of a loved one at any age can be devastating whether sudden, or prolonged.  However, the longevity of the love can somehow make it more difficult to mourn, as the depth and the memories, strengthen and deepen throughout the years.  The age of the deceased it really doesn't matter. Yes, they have reached a remarkable age, but the loss is nonetheless as shattering as that of a young love. 

However, a love that is craved, a love that is shattered while you are alive, is probably one of the hardest losses that anyone can mourn.  This type of ‘death of love’ is probably one of the most difficult emotions to come to terms with. 

A couple of people I have come to know intimately over the past few months have expressed that ‘death of love’.  The love they craved was really non existent from the one they loved (their mother).  Decades of love wasted. Decades of love emotionally twisted, and blatantly manipulated.  They had given that love, craved that love. Respected love in itself to defend them from what really was a manipulation of the cruelest kind from an evil woman. A woman who only had love for herself and, for her possessions (she considered her children were part of those possessions).  Possessions that could be put aside at her whim, but brought out on display for those to whom she wanted to keep up appearances. 

This woman (for want of a better word) sought and destroyed every bit of JOY that they had, ever collected to comfort and console themselves in their years of loyalty, and love, for this woman.  Every blessed memory of others that they brought to their heart for comfort, was distorted and defaced to prove their dependence on her, and her alone.  No one had value in her mind except for herself only.  She raped their minds from the very day that they were born.  In fact, she made them beg for the crumbs of ‘pretend love’ that she would throw their way.

One day not so long ago, they sat and disclosed the atrocities that she had inflicted on them from birth.  These days turned to weeks, turned to a few months of discussion.  Not one story, that each had been told, was anywhere near the same.  These stories were told to manipulate and to distance each child from the other, so that each child had conflicting angst and anger for their siblings.  This in turn, made the mother the all powerful, the narrator of their lives. 

Things started to make sense finally, dates, times and situations.  Finally 1+1 equaled 2 not one alone as she wants, as singularly it's easier to control.  Things finally started to add up and these people began to realize that their thoughts had been manipulated in order to control them to love, and crave  love in return from this evil woman.  Yes, this woman appears to be a lovely old lady, but in reality she is a nothing better than a serial killer of people and rapist of hearts.  She does not stop.  Sadly she knows what she does, but she continues collecting trophies along the way.  These trophies are people who she will use to defend her atrocities and, once finished being her appointed allies, will dispose of smartly to cover her web of evil. 

These people were born to this woman and, in so doing, were born to love and respect her, never to question the love that they had come to believe was not normal.  This woman was the great dame of deception. Finally after coming to a realization that this was not love and, confronting the demons in their mother, the love that they so sought has been rejected and they are cast to the wolves.  Yes, this is indeed a ‘death of love’.  Yes, their love was not returned. But the love proffered to this woman was as true and as heart felt as my cousin's for her father.  Yes, this is a love that has to be mourned but, it also is a mourning of a love that was given but never returned. 

Sadly, these people have to rebuild their lives as the very foundations on which their love was built never even existed.  We will keep them in our prayers and pray, that Karma may present itself upon this woman as peace will preside over my cousins father.

As you realize by now, most of my life and emotions are governed and controlled by music.  The clip that follows this is how I feel for both scenarios. However, one door is open and the other is closed on their long and winding road.

My sympathies go out to my cousin at this time. My prayers go out to these newly found, intimate friends and from the Latin -  ave atque vale (hail and farewell) Alec. 

Long and Winding Road - George Michael

Despicable #elderabuse #rights

To say I am am angry is an understatement. This cold arsed Queen is so outraged with the lack of support that was given from my last blog, my tweets, my Facebook. I sent it to counsellors to politicians, lawyers, police, other gay people. Did anyone respond even with a like (maybe 3).  What was more disturbing is that, not one person, who may have been able to help or offer some advice, even bothered to comment, tweet or inbox me.

We as the LGBTQI community, ask for us gays to be equally accepted in the eyes of the law.  We ask, quite rightfully, to be equally accepted in the world in general.  However, do we think of anyone beyond our genitals, in regards to others, and their plight for equality? Do those who have suffered under inequality think of anyone beyond our own cause?  I not really think so.  We tend to be as narrow minded, and as selfish, as those that we accuse of bigotry toward us - only thinking self, and nothing of others that are suffering. Yes, marriage equality is important and I cannot wait to get married. But at this minute it is the farthest thing from my mind as I battle for recognition for the rights of the elderly to be safe from abuse and suffering.

I spoke last week of the fears I have for an older gentleman who is in the hands of a woman who could no less be described as a person with Munchausens by Proxy.  Sadly, if her victim was a child we would rally for the support of the victim.  However, her victim is an elderly gentleman and as such, he of course does not count.  It is fine to isolate, to mentally abuse, and to lead this man to his maker, in an act that is nothing short of murder. But, suspect the predator of abusing a child and, every law enforcement officer will be keen to look into the case confidentially and with haste. 

Not so for this gentleman! We need cold hard facts to even get past first base. This is a load of crock.  If I was to tell the police I suspected someone of trafficking drugs they would look at this case immediately and, if in so finding my suspicions were unwarranted, there would be no repercussions but a thanks and you are looking out for your country. 

But, try to look out for someone who has been trodden to his death bed and fears for his safety! Try to change that he will accept the outcomes of the murderer because that is all he has at this final hour! I defy you to get past first base. You are stonewalled at every turn. There are people in the medical industry who will give you advice, but they too are hamstrung in how much they are actually able to do. There are government agencies aplenty that supposedly support the elderly, report on nursing home abuses, give advocacy to those unable to speak for themselves. However, there is one hitch, the elderly person has to be declared ‘not to have capacity’! That is they are unable to take responsibility for themselves. Whilst they have all their faculties, even though they are trapped in an abusive situation there is nothing that can be done without their consent.   

I cry that we that have fought our case of equality for all these years and really do not give a damn for anyone but ourselves. Are we really that shallow that we can pass on this? 

Are our legal people and counsellors that weak that they cannot even offer a little concern, let alone grab it and run for legislation to be passed on something so despicable?

This guy, family and friends contacted everyone available to help on websites.  Police, elder abuse agencies, public guardian, psychologists at our own expense, doctors, public forums, medical facilities, the director of nursing where the patient resides, only to be cut down, to be treated without confidentiality, not even a reply in many instances. 

And in turn, the predator is advised of our concerns, blocking every avenue by virtue of being this old lady who has her husband’s best interests at heart.  Should I say his heart coz she is the one, that is not only breaking his heart, but tampering with it through medication - ooooops pandadol.  This woman who has done it all before and will in fact continue doing it till the day she dies. I cannot understand how everyone says there is a case to answer and yet, because the victim is old, he somehow does not count any more. He is somehow less equal under the law.

We like, comment on  and discuss a little puppy with a bent tail. We discuss of the brutality of the Asians cooking live fish at the table of restaurants but when it comes down to elder abuse, do we really care?  Do we forget that one day (and it will move on us fast) that day will come to us. We even tweet to everyone of our latest novel of fiction and/or fantasy but  this to be real and happening, and no-one cares!!! God forbid us to share this real live case for others to contemplate! God forbid we actually do something about it. We hashtag #comeridewith me and feel like we have single handedly saved the world. But, that is simply a feel good tick. This case is no less real than any of the other atrocities and social issues that everyone hashtags but because this is about the elderly who cares? #no-one

This case is fact so let us get behind our elderly. Let us make sure that they are cared for in the manner they deserve. Let us make sure they live out their twilight years in happiness and with dignity. Let us not leave them to be abused and discarded on the scrap heap of humanity. So as you fight your fight for LGBTQI equality, spare a thought for an elderly learned gentleman, who earned not one, but two Victoria Crosses, in World War 2. As you worry about your next broken fingernail. I will worry that this old fellow will breathe his last as the world really does not give a damn.

 Hello in There - Bette Midler

Injustice #elderabuse #dignity #victim

To the Politicians, to the Legislators, to the Health Care Professionals, to those who intend to get old, and to those who give a damn for the aged!

The efforts, in the safeguarding of children against abuse today are well documented and the commitment to the abolition of child abuse is long overdue. However, the inadequacy of protection for another vulnerable group in our society, and that is the elderly, requires effective protective legislation be put in place urgently! This should be similar to that which now affords protection for our children.

To commence my discussion I would like to share my experience of someone who was a victim of institutional abuse as a child and will end his life as a victim of elder abuse. This makes me fear that while they appear to rise above their experiences, and go on to live what appears to be full and rich lives, are these people conditioned at an early age to be victims their whole lives?

To say we come into this world naked, and leave this world the same way, is beautiful thought of how we are equal from day one till our death. We are as equal as the beauty that nature wanted for us. 

However, to be stripped bare for an entire life, is a total injustice that no one should ever experience. I sit and watch as a man of greatness is breathing his last breaths in the hands of injustice again. I sit watching, as our laws do not allow this man the dignity of passing in God’s own time, but passing in the hands of yet another abuser. 

This man born in 1925, in Scotland, survived being abused as a child to his early teens, in and out of institutional care in the Great Depression. He was devoted till the day his mother and grandmother died, despite their inability to allow him the privilege of a proper home life.  But in his words, ‘These were hard times!’ Yes indeed, they were hard times but, why did hard times have to be such a hard and damaging time for a child simply being afforded  what we see today as basic necessities? 

This man joined the military at a very early age, became a war hero at 17 years of age honoured by the King. He lost his hearing in the right side from this battle and carries the shrapnel to this very day, to remind him why he fought for freedom in World War II.   A freedom that he, and so many others, fought so we may have freedom today - freedom to live; freedom to speak out on injustice; freedom to champion the rights of the oppressed. 

The very freedom that this man fought for has been stripped from him yet again, left him naked and vulnerable. But this is not a beauty of nature. This is one of greed, manipulation, isolation and deceit, dressed in the clothes of an old woman who has the heart of a devil.  The very same Hitlertarianism that he battled so hard against has made him a Jew of the Holocaust in his death bed.

At a time when this man should be enjoying his milestone of 90 years in health, he fears that his dignity in death has slipped into the hands of yet another predator, a predator that is only interested in yet another kill. Yes this woman has killed before, another veteran freedom fighter of the military in Japan. 

Like her victim before, she has isolated him from the very things he loved and nurtured.  Single handedly she has stripped him bare of his family, his friends, his love of reading, his love of art, and now is stripping him from his clever and witty mind.  So persuasive is this devil that she has her manipulated throngs to aid her into his demise. 

The very friends, and relatives, that are able to see through this evil, and pray and speak against this terrorization, are stifled by our justice systems. Our hands are tied in our attempts to save this victim.  We are told by the World Health Organisation to speak out if we fear for our fellow man is a victim of Elder Abuse. But, instead we are hushed into submission as our legislation does not quantify this isolation, and deception, as criminal without what they deem to be ‘solid’ evidence.  Without the blood and the bullet there is no inquiry. There is no mediation, there is no moral obligation to a victim of Elder Abuse.  Instead health professionals warn the predator of our worries and concerns, in so doing, isolating the abused further from a dignified life and death. 

This man, who has cried to us (not in the presence of the devil), “Why is this happening, why am I in this position, how can she do this?” is so fearful, that instead of being able to fight again,for HIS freedom, is nobbled by the devil and made to fear, and feel, that it is best if he just gives up and dies. To die from illnesses that have never been even told to him, (does he really suffer from any of these) and to be relieved of his so-called pain, by end of life medication, so cunningly explained away by the Devil as Panadol via a cannular, is not just tragic, it is criminal.  But of course these deceptions, and lack of proof for “what is he dying from” are, in fact, not evidence but simply a caring woman sharing her husband’s death????  This is a cold, calculating woman who cannot even share in song, ‘Happy Birthday’ with those who have rallied to come to his aid.  Instead she drives the wedge of deception further so he is more and more isolated and dependant on this grim reaper of death - his ‘wife’. 

In Australia we have adopted laws and legislation for child abuse.  We have legislated that these atrocities shall be quashed in the name of the law.  However these legislations have not been adopted for our ever increasing aged. 

Instead our politicians and lobbyists do not fight for the legislation that will assist the Elderly.  Yes we set up advocacy groups for the abused elder, the public guardian to assist but, unless these elderly are of ‘impaired capacity’ there is no system for reporting of such abuse without cold hard facts.  Do the legislators not understand that these elderly are victims who already live in fear?  And, in speaking out for themselves, will only further their existing isolation and abuse, because their very predator, is often the one that is acting in their ‘best ‘interests. 

In our legislated laws against child abuse, our schools, our community groups, our medical practitioners, and indeed, normal people have the opportunity to speak out about any suspicion of child abuse confidentially and, with confidence that our children will be safe and that something will be done to support these children. Reporting is mandatory, and though there may be some suspicions of over zealous people, we can feel secure that our young will have a safe environment free from perpetrators of crime. 

However, our elderly do not have the protection afforded to the children. We, as caring citizens, are not afforded the ability to report on Elder Abuse without hard fact to support our claims. Somehow in my mind, this is blatant discrimination against the aged. 

We, Australian citizens, are told of our responsibilities in the reporting of child abuse, to report breeches of border protection, report drug trafficking and impending crime.  However, our elderly are not afforded the same protection status of those aforementioned. 

In conclusion, I am begging that our Elderly are given the same right of passage as our children. Give them dignity to live without fear. Give them the dignity to live without isolation.  Give them the dignity to feel safe, and that our laws will include them until their God given time has arrived.   

There are far too many silent sufferers. Not because they don't yearn to reach out, but because they've tried and found no one who cares.     -- Richelle E. Goodrich