The Life Beyond and The Life Left Behind

I sit and contemplate Alec’s entrance into the after life.  I see how he farewelled this life with hesitation (90 odd years)  but, I am sure he has entered the next, with music in his heart and at his fingertips.  This man will be tinkling the ivories with the best of them that are in that concert hall.  He will be sharing with his new found friends, and family, the wonderful memories of his life with Mary and the girls.  He will have already mapped the quickest ways to get around this great space and no GPS required.  This man was the master of transport and music.  His dry wit will have each, and everyone, in stitches and his loveable and jovial nature will bring all to sit beside him to hear of his life and love of a great woman.  

As we sit here thinking of how to carry on now that he is gone, we can only think of the void that is left with his absence.  Instead, we should think of this no fuss man who would not want us sitting around moping his leaving the building.  He would want everyone to carry on as before without the troubles of the last few years.  He would want the world to go back to normal and, for everyone, especially his beloved Mary to start living again.  He would want for all to remember the fun that they had experienced.  He would want everyone to rejoice, that the time spent was an adventure, and that the next adventure is just around the corner waiting.  And indeed, when our time comes we will all find that adventure with him at the helm no doubt. 

Death is very hard for us to bear but, if we think beyond ourselves for a moment, we will see the only people suffering are those that are left behind.  The departed are already planning the banquet, and the music, for our entrance to that great concert hall of our afterlife.  All they want, is for us to enjoy and make a better life for those that we will leave behind.  We have to make a difference, a contribution, so that when we leave our mortal coil, someone will be at least a little happier for knowing us. 

In dying, the challenge that Alec and many before him have set for us, is to do exactly that, to make a difference, to reach out and touch someones life.  To create memories, to encourage others to dream, to leave a footprint on this earth that others may follow. 

Life is going to be tough for a while, while we are looking around to see if our loved one is there.  However, if we think outside the square, and look to our side, that loved one is right beside us forever.  No, not in the physical sense, but their love is so strong that we will feel true love whether it is visible or not.  That love has been bequeathed to us, so that we may pass it on to those that we will leave behind someday. 

If we have truly been loved, and we have truly loved, that love can never die.  That love will simply ignite from us to others around us, if we only pass that love forward.  We owe it to our departed to keep their love alive and to pay it forward, to nurture love and kindness and make this a better world for when our time comes to finally close our eyes. 

So now Alec has left us, we owe it to him to not weep and mourn because he has left us but to be positive, to be out there and rejoice his life, and share the happiness that he so wanted and gave to those around him. 

We look forward to one day catching up with him. But for the next while we must carry on and build memories and love for those that we intern will leave one day. 

Take care, be strong and spread the love!

Always - Ella Fitzgerald 

Shaping a Future! #nurture #frailty #hope #resilience

When we are children we believe that adults are all-knowing, we think they are infallible. We trust them implicitly not knowing they too are simply human beings. It is this trust that makes us vulnerable to their weaknesses, whether their moulding of our minds is intentional or not. Being a parent is not an easy task but it is one of the most important and probably the one role in life for which we are least qualified. This is especially true today where families of one or two is the norm and children grow up isolated from extended families. In the old days just about every child carried a toddler on their hip as they played in the street and so their parenting and nurturing lessons began very early in life.

That is not to say the most nurturing of parents do not have their foibles and weaknesses. We all know fathers who work long hours and spend more time with their work colleagues than their families. There parents who have been to war and find solace in a bottle. Others trapped in very unhappy unions which have devastating consequences for all involved. It is the circumstances of our parents that make us the adult we become. Fear of stepping into the world of business as a result of a childhood of worrying if the bank would fore close on your parents financial interests, thus making you homeless. Having a house full of unfolded washing making you anal about each item of clothing having its place! Seeing your Mother parked in a corner at the rare social gathering you attended, while your father was the life and soul of the party! These may seem trivial now, but in the eyes of a child they become etched into your psyche making you the adult you are today.

Others have much bigger fish to fry! Their childhoods are one of abuse, sometimes in all forms - verbal, emotional, physical and sexual. Many (sadly not all) rise above this to become reasonably well adjusted adults. Though the scars are still there. Many times they are buried deep within, but they are definitely responsible for the adult we become. What gives these parents the right to inflict such misery on the little person in their lives. These parents actually do not have any rights. They have responsibilities in which, they are sadly lacking. But, they lost their rights as parents the minute the abuse began. The fact that these children battle through often in silence is testimony to the resilience of the human spirit. They grow into adults in spite of their parents. Some rise above their circumstances to live good lives, some are irreversibly broken, some take their own lives and others become abusers themselves.

As parents, their is no excuse for the bad treatment of our children. They did not ask to be conceived. They did not ask to be carried in the womb for nine months to be spat out into a life of hell. This life of hell has no class barriers. It is universal across all ares of society - just the rich have more means and resources at their disposal to make sure the claims of abuse never see the light of day.

The innocence of the child is such a thing of beauty that it deserves only to be nourished, to be encouraged, to be explored, to make them into the very best human being that they possibly can be. They need to be given, not only their wings, but the license to fly! They deserve to lead their life, their way. They are not creatures made in our image so we can live our own hopes and dreams through them. Why punish them because they choose a different path?

As adults we are made train for most other tasks we undertake. We are made get a license to drive a car, a qualification for our profession, permits to build houses and the list goes on. But one night of unbridled passion, one time of fumbled sex, one act of rape and a life can be conceived. A life that we as adults will shape without one ounce of experience. Considering that this is the case a lot of adults manage to become reasonable parents, some manage to be great parents and others fail miserably. Governments try their best to protect children, but the system still fails the vulnerable in many cases. A lot has been gained, but their are still many lessons to be learned.

Most importantly, we as family, as community and as a people need to recognize the need for love and nurture does not end with childhood. It is ongoing and lifelong. If we care for, nurture, and show true compassion to all men, especially the vulnerable amongst us, then we will see them heal. We will allow them to fly in the manner they were destined, when they took their first gasp as they were bundled into the world.

Look around you. Do not judge anyone until you have walked in their shoes. Take time to get to truly know your friends. Do not brush aside their vulnerabilities, care for them, nurture them! Believe me - it is one hundred percent worth it. It is definitely a 'pay it forward' situation. Everybody wins!

Cheers

Bitches Coz! 

Contact: luke65mcbride@gmail.com

Don't Let the Sun go Down! #anger #relationships #repair #acceptance

There is an old saying that we shouldn't let the sun go down on an argument.  We all have arguments, misunderstandings, differences of opinion and that is natural. I personally believe that it is probably one of the best bits of advice I have ever received in my life. This doesn't  mean I follow that advice all the time but, without paying attention to  life's wounds they can become very infected. The longer we leave a wound unattended the worse it can become.

I know that sometimes, it is good to give each other some space in some situations. But, I know from being gay and human, I tend to sometimes dramatize and build my emotions to such an extent that quite often it becomes more difficult to heal it. Thus, making both parties less approachable, more aloof, and more easily hurt than they were prior to the first cut.

The first cut is often described as the deepest! So having said that, if we really want to heal the rift, we must act quickly to remedy the cause for the abrasive reaction. Clinically speaking, we must stand back for a second, assess the extent of the damage, then prepare the wound by cleansing the surface. Then, perging deeper to give that painful incision less bias, and indeed, healing.

I know from my experience, if  someone has offended me and I just stop and walk away, I become more angry, less open to discussion than initially. If they do not try to remedy the situation, this gay boy tends to stew! I let myself bottle up to the point that when I explode, God help anyone within 1,000 kilometres. I know I am not the only one. This is not only a gay thing either. It is like the aforesaid cut, when infected, without attention becoming more infected and finally becoming gangrenous.

None of us wants a situation to get out of hand. But, quite often none of us want to get to the blood and guts of the matter either.  If we value, and want, that relationship, we must realize that not everyone has the same opinion as us. We must realize that everyone has, and is entitled to, their own. That is the reason why we are the fabric of life. We are part of the overall pattern, texture and colour that makes the quilt of beauty of a human landscape.

All I am saying is, yes we have tiffs, but don't let it get out of hand.  Relationships are too precious to lose. over something that sometimes only needs a band-aid treatment.

Fix the pain, heal the wound, cause 'losin everything is like the sun going down on me"

Cheers!

Bitchescoz

Contact: luke65mcbride@gmail.com

Come Little Children

With the Royal Commission into the Institutional Abuse of Children in Australia still underway, maybe, it is time to have a look at how these institutions are choosing to deal with the ramifications from the heartbreaking evidence being presented to the Commission. Oh, there will be measures that will be seen to be done, but will the culture that forms the basis of the institution actually change? I don't think so! No, I know so!

The abuse within the Catholic Church is as entrenched as it is endemic. It occurs worldwide, and the weak and the vulnerable, they are supposed to protect, are laid bare at the alter, sacrificed to some deviate Priest or Brother. The abuse has occurred since the very beginning of the Church and continues today. With the installation of Pope Francis there is a glimmer of hope as this gentle, humble man seeks to reconnect the arrogant Catholic Church with its parishioners. However, how disappointing is the the beatification of Pope John Paul 11 (to say this has been expediated, is something of an understatement). Along with the help of Pope Benedict he swept the problem under the carpet. What message does this beatification send to the victims of abuse at the hands of the Catholic Church? They make the very man who oversaw, and facilitated, the destruction of evidence of abuse and, the protection of the Priests who perpetuated it - a Saint!!!  May God help us, as the Catholic Church surely will not!

The Church has been dragged kicking and screaming (with the exception of a few) to the Royal Commission. They claim that the abuse has been dealt with! That their "Toward Healing" Program, where victims of abuse are coerced into signing confidentiality clauses, and offered some paltry sum for their suffering, has been successful in the rehabilitation of the victims. Pffft! Meanwhile, the Priest has been moved to another Parish or the ultimate protection of the Vatican to continue his abuse of the next lot of victims. When victims and their parents have enough courage to go to the police they are stonewalled at every turn. Once again the Church closes ranks to protect the Priest and force the victims and their families into massive debt, fighting their way through the legal system. Not only are they victims of the ongoing sexual abuse, they are further abused by the Church as they seek justice for their suffering. What makes this the most heinous of situations is the Church preaches its ethos of Christian caring and sharing. And yet, all the while not only failing to initially protect the vulnerable, but actively working against the victim to protect the perpetrators and the finances of the richest institution on Earth.

When we think of institutional abuse we think of the hapless victims of abuse within the orphanages run by the catholic Church and others. The physical abuse and mental abuse at the hands of the nuns and brothers is horrendous, and only surpassed by the sexual abuse metered out to these children. However, sexual abuse occurred at nearly every Catholic Parish in Australia at some time or another depending upon whether there was a pedophile Priest in residence or not. How disgusting that these deviates supposedly doing the Lord's work were/are allowed to continue unchecked. You can be guaranteed in Third World Countries, where the Catholic Church is the fastest growing church, that history is repeating itself and the little boys and girls will fall victim to the pedophiles in a collar and a frock that supposedly preach the word of God. Thank God in places like Australia, the abuse will no longer be as widespread. However, a nun recently said to me, that all these new Priests being imported from overseas have very little regard for Australia's Child Protection Laws! WTF??? Will the Catholic Church ever learn.

Recently, Catholic Education went into damage control when sexual abuse went unchecked in the Toowoomba Diocese. Damage control was put into place as this abuse happened here and now - not in the past - but now! But this was all it was - damage control. Is there endemic sexual abuse in Catholic Schools today? I very much doubt it! However, what concerns me is, that these institutions that live by the Catholic ethos of caring and sharing, are run by people who ultimately work to protect the Church not the child. How hypocritical is the Catholic Church, outlawing birth control and yet offering communion to the multitudes who practice it. Divorce is not recognized by the Catholic Church and yet it is fine to pay squillions to the Vatican to get an annulment. What happens to the children of this marriage that never existed? Are they now Bastards, illegitimate children from a non existent union? Why is homosexuality outlawed by the Church and yet it is perfectly fine for a Priest who has taken the Vow of Celebacy to rape and sodomize little boys? This 'fine' Institution makes me sick to my soul.

If the richest institution on Earth has a soul at all, it would practice the Christian ethos it preaches instead of the ethos it practices. Its ethos of fucking everything over, and sweeping it under the carpet is alive and well. And they wonder why their congregations are made up of a dwindling number of  ancient parishioners clutching their Rosary Beads. Pope Francis is a new hope that there will indeed be real change. I just hope he lives long enough to bring change to fruition and drag the Catholic Church into the real world. Maybe the stripping of The Vatican of its "State" status will be the beginning. We can only pray that the lawyers taking on this case have divine help on their side. The resistance from a church, that bought its "State" status from Mussolini in the Second World War with its loyalty to the fascist regime, means it will not give up this up lightly. The stripping of this status will make all the pedophile Priests that have been elevated to Cardinals open to extradition orders and able to face charges in the country of their crimes.

One of the true legacies of Australia's first woman Prime Minister is the Royal Commission into Institutional Child Abuse. It has for the first time allowed these horrifically damaged people a voice. The courage of those who's lives have been ruined is truly amazing, and I hope for some it brings a glimmer of hope and a little peace. It will never bring back those lost to suicide, the years lost to alcoholism and drug abuse, those who battle mental illness, those who have ended up in jail, and most importantly the innocence lost. We can never give these people back their childhoods and in many cases their lives. Without the Royal commission the Churches involved would never have come forward to acknowledge their involvement or the damage they have caused. It has made the Churches at least acknowledge that these crimes were perpetrated on their watch. The real test will be if real change results from the finding. Not just lip service, not just an apology so long as their is a confidentiality clause, but real change where the perpetrators are handed over to face the full force of the law and real, unconditional compensation is given to victims.

To the victims of such crimes, I admire your courage. I admire that you have made your way in life with all the dignity you could muster. May you begin to make peace with your place in the world, and find contentment in the knowledge that your story is finally being heard.

God bless!

Bitches Coz