I have lived with full hearing my whole life, and for most part, I have
shared my life with hearing people, partners and friends. My question
is do we, as hearing people actually hear or, do we only hear what we
want to? I have heard the expression 'Oh he/she has selective
hearing!' But, is this just a way of blocking out what we
don't want to hear; an I'll deal with that in my own time; an
explanation why we don't say what we are thinking; or just plain
ignorance?
A few times I have had the bad experience of texting a message to a
fully hearing, fully seeing person (usually a family member) and they
take offense as to what is written. Though they have all their
senses in tact, they find it too difficult to clarify the message,
instead, going off the deep end and not discovering the true meaning of
the text. Then they, after you have had to put everything apart
from your toenail clippings in a bag to explain the context of the
message, say - 'Why didn't you say that in the first place?' Or worse -
'You know I hate texting, people shortcut these things and you don't get
the meaning.' My question to that is - Why did you, as the receiver of
the text, not ask for an explanation? Why did you let it get out of hand? Why did you text ten people afterwards telling them I was a scum bag for
what I text? The very thing I text was innocent, the meaning non-intentional and was merely a
grammatical mistake! But, that one flippant remark was broadcast to (not
the original text I might add) friends, family and anyone who happened
to be calling that day, with the inclusion of some very emotional
extrapolations to boot. And, this misunderstanding devoured a whole
night, trying to explain as to why you said, or in this case, didn't say those damning comments. Therefore, I believe those same hearing,
seeing people also suffer from a complaint that I call 'selective textness' - a lack
of taking time to re-read the text, putting what is said into perspective
or, as a political 'has been' once said bothering to ask 'Please explain!' Instead they create a storm in a teacup that escalates the situation so far
out of hand that the only way to solve it is to book a one way ticket to a
country without telecommunications or, call in the national guard and
welfare agencies to fix the demons that escape unknowingly from my cell
phone. Basically, none of this would be needed if they take the time to actually communicate directly with me as to what I might, or might not, have said!
Having wafted on about this, my main reason is to explain how I
think communication is often taken lightly. In this time of
fast food, fast cars and internet dating, people don't take the time to
listen to, or worse to actually understand, what the other person is trying
to say.
My life partner is profoundly deaf and, only in the last few months
has been equipped with a cochlear implant. Might I just add his first
language is not English which has complications in itself. Developing communication with each other does take time and effort on
both our parts. The doctors say that in time the brain will accept and
identify of the new found sounds that he hears, and owing to his ethnicity he
hears English as a bit of a gabble. You see he lost his hearing at the
age of 9 and, until now he has lip read those of his native tongue,
making it a tad difficult to understand what we, the English, are saying.
Might I say it is also exciting to introduce him to sounds he has never
heard before - to explain its a bird, a door bell or rain on the roof. It has the magic of teaching a child new experiences and the sharing of these
first experiences together. Yes, there are misunderstandings but, for
the most part, we do take time to try to let the other person understand
our point of view. This is why I beg you to try to communicate
more, try to give someone your time, try to feel it from their side
instead of just believing its all about you. It is in fact, much
smoother sailing if you join and care about someone instead of just
yourself. You are not the unlucky one here, you are given the gifts of
full communication and should help others who may not of heard that
beautiful sound of a bird singing or the wonderful sound of rain falling
on a tin roof.
We, as a couple, have found that one of the greatest assets we have is a
whiteboard and the use of our phones to text an explanation of something that somehow defies us. Yes, it takes a little more time but, it
is worth spending the time and letting each other know what it is we are feeling or want to
convey. By returning the writings or the text, we keep the
communication open, rather than closing down and taking the
misinterpretation to a higher level, let alone bringing unsuspecting others
into what should, or could, have been so simple without the need of the
national guard.
Therefore, I ask you to open up and talk more! If you can't
verbalise it, then write it down and get others to understand what you
really wanted. Writing can also be quite cathartic as well, and bring
peace to others minds as well as your own.
Take care, open your hearts as well as your ears and eyes and the world will be a better place!
Bitchescoz!
Tonight, I was watching Ricki Martin talk openly about his sexuality and his coming out - the freedom it has given him and peace with who he is. This honesty with our family and friends is still a struggle for some of us as we try to find a way to let those we know and love that we are gay. Funny thing is, a lot of them are aware of this long before we are. I feel sad that there is still this hesitation to publicly acknowledge our sexuality. I actually long for the day when it is no longer an issue - that we are simply people! That we are truly treated equally in every way.
However, when we are fretting about whether or not we are judged on our sexuality, walk in the shoes of someone who is not only gay but has a disability as well. This most amazing man in my life is hearing impaired if we want to be politically correct, or, as he says 'I'm deaf!' He never complains of his lot and with the innocence of a child he sees only good. He brings out the protector in me but he is the most self sufficient, diligent, generous person I know. He has worked his entire adult life, but has battled against the odds to gain employment. He has done this without government help or support. Recently, after leaving his job to relocate, he insisted that we put his disability on his Resume even though it is against the law to discriminate against somebody on such grounds. Why did he do this? Because he said when people find out he is deaf, they will not employ him. He is so honest that he would rather tell them straight up. It does not stop the discrimination, it simply short circuits the recruitment process. They simply do not even bother acknowledging his application.
It is their loss however, as this man is amazing at his job. You will not get a more conscientious, hard working. or talented worker than he! He brings amazing value to any business that he works for. However, discrimination is alive and well in this country and I am sure that many employers equate hearing impaired with stupid. Forgive me for my passion on this subject , but with glowing references, amazing talent, and the work ethic of a workaholic there is no reason that this man is not employed except for the fact he has a disability. To the employers out there smug in the ivory towers, I hope you get the quality of workers you deserve!
Sour grapes, I hear you say! I do not think so! His predicament has really brought discrimination into focus for me. At a time when the Government is doing everything possible to get the entire population into the workforce, the reality may differ greatly to the dream. There is discrimination across the entire spectrum of the population. Women are discriminated against as they may have a baby; the LGBTI Community is discriminated against because people feel threatened by us or something; the disabled are discriminated against because of their disability; older people are discriminated against as they may not be as agile; and others are discriminated against on the basis of race. The list goes on and on! While such bigotry exists how does anyone who is not Caucasian male between the age of 25 and 45 get a job. The talent in the pool of 'others' is amazing. All that is required is for the smug few who have been drinking their own bathwater for too long, to find their reality gene, and realize that all of these groups have so much to give.
At a time when we are told to embrace and celebrate the diversity of Australian Society, I think we still have a long way to go. We are told our tough budget is for the good of the country and the direction in which, we as a country have to move. However, equally as important are the humanitarian issues that actually will not cost a cent. They will actually save money and some may even help to swell the empty coffers we are always hearing about. Let us stop the blatant discrimination against the LGBTI community and allow them to marry. The sun will still rise and the world will continue to revolve on its axis. Let us have real debate about euthanasia! I for one do not want to end my days with the indignity of dementia, incontinence and human frailty! We cannot afford to keep these human shells that actually died when their memories faded and the madness of dementia crept in. I am sure if we asked them when they were competent they would agree there is no quality of life in soiled nappies and bed sores. Let us look after our mentally ill, who at this point make up a huge chunk of our prison populations and homeless. Let us make sure that our disabled are treated equally on a level playing field. We insist on ramps being installed, toileting facilities be available, access to parking and public places and yet we deny them employment.
Sometimes, I am ashamed to be Australian. While we have a lot to be thankful for, there are many gaps in the fabric of our society though which each and every one of us fall. Next time you judge the homeless man begging on the street, wonder what brought him from his home and warm bed to such circumstances. When you deny the disabled their place in society, you will do well to remember - There but for the Grace of God go I! It happens in the wink of an eye - a life irrevocably changed forever! Fear not the gay boy you scorn and yell abuse at on the street or the football field! He will not hurt you and he sure as hell will not hit on you!
This little rant only scratches the surface of discrimination that the politically correct attempt to eliminate! It just goes to show you that no amount of legislation can change attitudes! That my friends comes from within!
Yours in our Loving Country
Bitches Coz
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