Patience is a Virtue #passwords #disability #privacy

Let's face it, I am not the most patient person in the world.  On a scale of 1-10, I would probably rate at around - hmmm let me think - 2!  However, to cut the queues I follow the protocols of procedure to lesson my angst in waiting.  For instance, in bank accounts I apply, and receive, the relevant ID logins and passwords to enable quick access. Or at least shorten the length of the 'We value our client's and you will be put through to a customer service operator ASAP!" statements, and the endless advertisements, reassuring me that I am in the hands of the Number 1 bank in the land.

These passwords and codes are to guarantee that your privacy, or security, is not breached in anyway. These automated voice banks promise you instant access to your accounts.  They clear the pathways for the operator with whom you finally speak. The operator no longer has to waste even more time mulling over whether you know your Great Aunties maiden name, who had 3 fathers, or the dog, that when they ask its name, you say an affectionate name, not the real thing, and bang, you're passing your toenail clippings down the line for DNA testing, to establish something you thought you had already established, when you logged in with those names and numbers.  

becomeabankteller.com

About 2 weeks ago, I decided as I passed my bank, that I would just go in and ask for a re-issue of a card in both our names as it expires while we are overseas.  To my surprise, the exercise was rather painless! She assured us that the reissued cards would arrive in the mail within 7 working days. 'Great,' we thought, 'I might physically go into the bank more often, as this seemed simpler and more efficient than I had imagined.'  Again, to my surprise in the mail came the new cards in 3 days. On looking at the shiny, new, virginal cards, I glanced at their beauty to see that the expiry date was the same. Thinking of human error, I decided to venture back to my bank rather than that phone call.  Again, quite painless, with the apology for her boss ticking the wrong box! All would be fixed and re-issue would be done again within 7 days.  Yes, in another 4 days, owing to weekend in between, the cards arrived again.  You guessed it - same expiry dates!!!!

On top of this, we decided that same day to do a bank transfer from our app to find, somehow, the limit (of our own money I might add) had been dropped remarkably.  I then ring the internet banking team with the usual protocols in place, ask to speak to a consultant. Then with the round of questions regarding my time of conception, my blood type, and sperm count, I was finally spoken to regarding reissue and the limit allowance.  She, then on looking into my profile, assured me that she would not be able to discuss unless my partner spoke on the phone to verify his existence and, maybe divulge his deceased father's brand of his first bicycle (remember he is Asian.)   I explained that my partner is deaf which would create a problem when speaking on the phone. I reminded her of the 3rd party disclosure we had agreed upon when opening the account in the first place.  After 1 hour and numerous discussions with her supervisors she accepted and assured me our limit had again been raised, along with following her step by step on my iMac to reinstate the original limit.

That night we decided to transfer some funds, only to be rejected again.  Oh bother I thought!!!!!  I rang the bank! After setting in the pass protocols was told that the consultants only work till 7 pm, thank you for your patience, and ring again in the morning after 9 am Eastern Standard Time.  To ease my lack of serenity I did partake in a few medicinal wines for comfort.  Next morning, I rang the bank, and again, was objected to the same scrutiny of privacy as the day before.  With already telling the consultant that this conversation might not be pretty, she accepted, and then advised that the quickest and most efficient way to deal with this was was to transfer my call to the bank who had done the reissue, so they may reissue again, as they would have our true signatures on file.  Two hours later, after being on hold, and listing my credibility and last ten transactions in order for security, I was spoken to by the original manager at the branch who assures me the re-re-reissue would transpire forthwith and the limit would be raised again post haste. Oh, and I forgot, 'Thank you for banking with the Number 1 bank in the land!' script.  

Ok my patience was tested.  I think I actually deserve some bonus queue jumps for it.  The point of the matter is, yes, I believe in national security and that some scammer does not access my account and spend my funds on Taliban subscriptions. But, and its a tough call when you have accounts in both names and singularly you can't access information unless both verify. (Though one had thought that that little password and passcode was the key to our account)  One can only imagine the plight my partner would have been in if I was not around or, he was making the inquiry as the deaf guy he is.  

archive.indianexpress.com

The question I am asking is, can these institutions think past the number crunching, and realize that some people cannot access in the way they propose for full visioned, full hearing, people?  Yes, it is fine to say that there are relay services for those with disabilities. But, can they also realize that we are all human and maybe need some easier methods to communicate.  With us for example, you have one hearing and one non hearing person trying to communicate. Neither can use the same service successfully especially if they are in joint names, without SMS's flying in with approval to speak or SMS's flying in to transfer. These SMS's, I might add, are on the very phone that is attached to the hearing persons ear speaking to the consultant at the time trying to verify himself.  You think I'm confused?? Put yourselves in the disabled person's shoes as they go through the conundrum on a daily basis.  Would it not be kinder to bring back some more personal assistance.  
 
These are my thoughts until next time stay safe, be kind to yourself, and to others, and keep in touch. Until then, I will go to try and transfer some funds, and make new friends, at the land's Number 1 Bank.

Cheers!

Bitchescoz
 
Contact: luke65mcbride@gmail.com

disabilities.uchicago.edu

Is being Gay a Disability? #discrimination #gay #gender #society

It is no secret that my partner is deaf! When we are in a new surrounding, like a shop or meeting people for the first time, he says "I am deaf." For no other reason, than to bring to their attention, that there may be some differences in communication.  Never once have I heard him say "Hi, I'm deaf and gay." 

Quite often, we the gay people of this world, confuse others as to our birth right.  Yes, we were born this way!  We are not missing any parts for our bodily functions.  We are all in tact.  As far as I, and many others see it, it is just a descriptive adjective to our human status.  It is like we are people who happen to be gay. Like women, who are people, happen to be women.  Like my partner, he is a person that happens to be Asian.  We are all humans with the different description to our make up.  Each and every person on this earth has a description as to who we are.  We just want to be equal on the playing field of life.  No discrimination as to our sex, our colour or our religion.  We breathe, we have skin, we have emotions, we are all human and equal. 
 
I believe that for most, we just want to live our lives as normally as possible.  We don't need to be living in a commune of like minded people.  We want to live in a fully integrated society that sees and has no barriers. As for our descriptions, that is just a cover page to our life, and their are many varied and different novels in the world libraries.  Each book brings a different hue to the delicate weave of the fabric of society.  It  just happens that our thread is the colour of the rainbow.  The rich threads of each and every one of us when interwoven can make the most glorious of fabrics. 
 
There will always be writers clubs, artist gatherings, ethnic clubs, gay bars, women's and men's clubs, tennis clubs, bear clubs.  These clubs are there for those who have common interests so they can enjoy like minded activities. But when these institutions are closed and the activities over, we should be able to go to a home that is not segregated as to our individual lifestyles.  Surely, it would be better to look out our front doors and see that everyone is equal. That there is no difference to any of us, at the end of the day.  We don't have to enter a room and say "Hi I'm Gay". "Hi I'm a female!". There are very few with whom we cannot communicate. If we have to walk in and say "Hi I am gay!", so they feel they know how to communicate with me, then I should just walk past, not even bother, because those people are the bigots of the world.  Another descriptive word for humans, and in that case, they should be segregated like those before us.  

Quite often, when we are fighting for a cause we forget that there are others who are our allies. That we are preaching to, and sometimes alienating, the converted who believe in the same things that we strive for. They just happen to be of a different colour thread to ours. Whether it be the Women's Movement, the Gay Movement, or an Ethnic cause we all have common beliefs and goals.  If we are able to harness all of these goals and beliefs to a common cause, how powerful a force would that be and what a truly beautiful fabric would we weave?

Each and everyone of us is specially gifted. We are not disabled.  We are individual threads to the fabric of life.  We are only handicapped if we allow others, and ourselves, to believe that we are not equal.

Let our descriptive characters be only part of our overall lives.  We don't need to walk into a room and say - I am a gay human; I am a female human; I am a coloured human; I am a artist human.  Soon they will simply be descriptive names for the various clubs that we belong to for our collective get togethers, or better still relegated to the heap if extinct society taboos and attitudes. 

This is my goal anyway.

Cheers!

Bitches Coz

Contact: luke65mcbride@gmail.com

Are Caregivers Harmful? #frailty #disability #relationships

Today, I ask you - have you ever asked for some advice how to do something, and suddenly found that the whole thing has been taken over, as if you are a complete moron.

For me it's like asking someone with greater knowledge than me, how to open an application on the computer with which I am having difficulty.  Yes, I know my way around the keyboard. (I have been doing it forever it seems.) Yes, I can touch type with my eyes closed.  All I am asking for, is to be shown how to do it.  Next thing,  I am off making a cup of tea for them - pouring myself a strong drink while they browse my server with such ease. And yes, they have opened the application and downloaded the data that I wanted. Then, before I have time to take in the knowledge that they have never let me learn hands on, I find, times up! They have drunk their tea, and exited the door before I get to know how to do it, for the next time.  They leave happy with themselves that they have helped this wretched feeble person with such an easy to do, task.  (This care giver, gave this help before his tea got cold and, my drink was barely to my mouth - all with two finger typing.) Now that, is caring!  

communities.acs.org

My question here is, 'How often do we take on the role of care giver to our parents, the elderly, the children, our partners, and the disabled without acknowledging their dignity, their prior skills, or their learning capacity.  I know I have been guilty. (Guess my computer carer, helped me to open the 'karma' app to my soul.)  We have all given our time to others but, have we really helped? Or, have we simply shown them, that they are totally inadequate, that they are the feeble moron of which I spoke earlier. Well, we have achieved what they wanted and exited, feeling proud of a job well done.

This is where we should think before we leap.  Is the person we are helping, asking for you to take over? Or, are they merely asking for a little help, a little of your experience, a little wisdom to make their job easier or some reassurance that they can do it?

How often are we asked by the aged to show them where they sign a form?  How many times are we asked to explain a question on a child's homework?  How many times does our partner ask us show them where the TV remote is?  How many times has a disabled person asked you to simplify their situation?  

I know what my answer is owing to having the patience of bull.  My parents will ask me where to sign the form. Next thing,I am filling the whole thing out.  My partner has asked where the remote is and, instead of saying behind the books on the coffee table, I have raced over, grabbed it, asked him what station he wants to watch and, changed the channel.  My partner, who is also deaf and Chinese will have asked me to simplify the English of a manual, that was originally written in Chinese, and subsequently translated to English. Then, there I am, operating the implement I never even wanted to use in the first place.  Am I the carer?  No, I have simply taken their dignity away from them.  I have tried to be time efficient.  All this caring, and trying to simplify their life, but I have not allowed them take control of their own lives.  

These people, I might add, have raised children, worked for a million years, have found their way in their quiet world in the streets of Penang and Hong Kong. They have learned to deal with life's journey and still had time to pat themselves on the back for a job well done. I have done nothing but exaggerate their shortcomings by my sense of caring.  

Put simply, I say to you, 'When someone asks for help, examine what they really need. Don't give them a sense of their frailty. Yes, do it all for them, if they give you permission to do so.  But, remember like me and the computer carer, they need to retain their dignity and their sense of achievement.  

Think first then offer.

kidsmatter.edu.au

Cheers

Bitchescoz 

Contact: luke65mcbride@gmail.com

A Loving nation!

Tonight, I was watching Ricki Martin talk openly about his sexuality and his coming out - the freedom it has given him and peace with who he is. This honesty with our family and friends is still a struggle for some of us as we try to find a way to let those we know and love that we are gay. Funny thing is, a lot of them are aware of this long before we are. I feel sad that there is still this hesitation to publicly acknowledge our sexuality. I actually long for the day when it is no longer an issue - that we are simply people! That we are truly treated equally in every way.

However, when we are fretting about whether or not we are judged on our sexuality, walk in the shoes of someone who is not only gay but has a disability as well. This most amazing man in my life is hearing impaired if we want to be politically correct, or, as he says 'I'm deaf!' He never complains of his lot and with the innocence of a child he sees only good. He brings out the protector in me but he is the most self sufficient, diligent, generous person I know. He has worked his entire adult life, but has battled against the odds to gain employment. He has done this without government help or support. Recently, after leaving his job to relocate, he insisted that we put his disability on his Resume even though it is against the law to discriminate against somebody on such grounds. Why did he do this? Because he said when people find out he is deaf, they will not employ him. He is so honest that he would rather tell them straight up. It does not stop the discrimination, it simply short circuits the recruitment process. They simply do not even bother acknowledging his application.
It is their loss however, as this man is amazing at his job. You will not get a more conscientious, hard working. or talented worker than he! He brings amazing value to any business that he works for. However, discrimination  is alive and well in this country and I am sure that many employers equate hearing impaired with stupid. Forgive me for my passion on this subject , but with glowing references, amazing talent, and the work ethic of a workaholic there is no reason that this man is not employed except for the fact he has a disability. To the employers out there smug in the ivory towers, I hope you get the quality of workers you deserve!

Sour grapes, I hear you say! I do not think so! His predicament has really brought discrimination into focus for me. At a time when the Government is doing everything possible to get the entire population into the workforce, the reality may differ greatly to the dream. There is discrimination across the entire spectrum of the population. Women are discriminated against as they may have a baby; the LGBTI Community is discriminated against because people feel threatened by us or something; the disabled are discriminated against because of their disability; older people are discriminated against as they may not be as agile; and others are discriminated against on the basis of race. The list goes on and on! While such bigotry exists how does anyone who is not Caucasian male between the age of 25 and 45 get a job. The talent in the pool of 'others' is amazing. All that is required is for the smug few who have been drinking their own bathwater for too long, to find their reality gene, and realize that all of these groups have so much to give.

At a time when we are told to embrace and celebrate the diversity of Australian Society, I think we still have a long way to go. We are told our tough budget is for the good of the country and the direction in which, we as a country have to move. However, equally as important are the humanitarian issues that actually will not cost a cent. They will actually save money and some may even help to swell the empty coffers we are always hearing about. Let us stop the blatant discrimination against the LGBTI community and allow them to marry. The sun will still rise and the world will continue to revolve on its axis. Let us have real debate about euthanasia! I for one do not want to end my days with the indignity of dementia, incontinence and human frailty! We cannot afford to keep these human shells that actually died when their memories faded and the madness of dementia crept in. I am sure if we asked them when they were competent they would agree there is no quality of life in soiled nappies and bed sores.  Let us look after our mentally ill, who at this point make up a huge chunk of our prison populations and homeless. Let us make sure that our disabled are treated equally on a level playing field. We insist on ramps being installed, toileting facilities be available, access to parking and public places and yet we deny them employment.

Sometimes, I am ashamed to be Australian. While we have a lot to be thankful for, there are many gaps in the fabric of our society though which each and every one of us fall. Next time you judge the homeless man begging on the street, wonder what brought him from his home and warm bed to such circumstances. When you deny the disabled their place in society, you will do well to remember - There but for the Grace of God go I! It happens in the wink of an eye - a life irrevocably changed forever! Fear not the gay boy you scorn and yell abuse at on the street or the football field! He will not hurt you and he sure as hell will not hit on you! 

This little rant only scratches the surface of discrimination that the politically correct attempt to eliminate! It just goes to show you that no amount of legislation can change attitudes! That my friends comes from within!  

Yours in our Loving Country

Bitches Coz