Little Boy Lost #love

Looking back over the past, I have come to the conclusion that love has always been deeply  important to me. Yes, some may say, a little like Peter Pan really in the Never Never Land. 

Love in my child-like mind is that of being unconditional.  It is also my belief that love should nurture you, comfort you, and keep you safe.  However, the little boy in me has realised that love also needs to be reciprocated with no conditions, no agenda, nor  motive except to be loved and and receive love in return. 

themamareport

 

But, now the little boy has grown up (after all these years) and realised, that the love I had given over and over again was very one sided and that I really was never to be on the end of unconditional love in return. 

When I talk this love, I am really talking of ‘parental love’. The love you find, that is not of blood, is a totally different kind.  That kind of love is a growing, ever striving love that needs to be worked on to take us through our days together.  But ‘parental love' should be unconditional, a God given link from the womb to the tomb. This has always been my belief

After thinking soundly through my ‘parental love’ experience, the only time I thought that I was loved in return, was as a toddler sneaking in to my mother’s room and kissing her to wake to feed me.  My mother worked shift work so would sleep through the day at this stage and, I believed that love was reciprocated when my tiny kisses would wake her to feed me.  As I grew, I believed that my kind of love was to be in my mind and no one needed to return it.  It was just my job to love.  Now listening back through ‘Barry Manilow” You Tube, I realise the truth in his words springing into my head: “needing to belong’, ‘if someone would have said your not alone’, and more sadly ‘all the wasted time. 

It has taken a long time for this little boy to find himself, to know that he is not lost and that he had the correct idea all along.  Love is unconditional, and that love has no cost, no restrictions, and no agenda. It has taken all this time to reach the conclusion that, this Peter Pan was not lost. In fact, the parents were the ones lost and did not know how to give love freely.  Their duty was to love with no strings attached and, that our love returned, would take them to their grave. 

Having left ‘Never, Never Land’ I need to put that all behind me and realise that my kind of love is not, and never will be, for them.  I have to learn to pat myself on the back and say your not so bad and that I do, indeed, belong.  I must realise that throwing my love that way over and over again is never going to give me love from them.  I have to dust off my shoes and concentrate on my partner's love and know that our love is one based on unconditional, heart felt, and never ending love even beyond the grave.

I have to let it go, and send my love to the people that love the same way I do.  I need to love so that love grows and has no barriers. Despite that love not being that of blood, it has more sustenance than my mother provided by a simple feed as a toddler.  That feed was her responsibility as a parent, but giving love that is unconditional became her choice, and she imposed a value on love. 

To those who have experienced the same, I urge you to stop, think, and believe in yourself. Know that you are not so bad, that you are very valued, and have the right for love to be returned in the same manner as you have given. 

Love has no expiry date.  Love has no limitations. Love has no agenda. Love is present and is a gift to be passed on through out the years. 

Till next time,

Cheers! 

spirit21.co.uk

 All the Time - Barry Manilow

Sitting on the Fence #courage

How often do we want something, believe in something? Whether it be a simple want or justice, or equality, or clarification to a situation, quite often we all are guilty of sitting back and watching others do the hard yards. Then, when all the work is done, we reap the benefits or, if the outcome is not successful we can honestly say we were not involved in the exercise.  We sit on the fence and bask in the glory of success and not ruffle a feather, and appear neutral if the outcome goes the other way. 

Quite often, even family loyalty is something we sit on the fence with too. We appear to be behind and trust someone 100% but, in fact we have placed our bets fifty/fifty so we,ourselves, don’t get hurt when the race is run. We simply say we do not want to be involved!  It’s so much easier to let others sort it out, to believe in someone and let them take the fall.  Believe me I have been there.  I have watched someone make the point, backed them from the fence and then, when the outcome is sorted, I can go either side of the fence depending on the outcome and, I have not lifted a finger, or broken a nail, so I look like the nice guy.  

 

thesource.com

Sitting on the fence and being the nice guy is safe, it’s convenient, and it’s less time consuming.  But to be a nice guy on the ground pursuing equality, fairness, justice, and resolution is a much harder option.

 

Where would we fence sitters be today without  the on the ground nice guys such as Martin Luther King Jnr, Mahatma Gandhi, Helen Keller, Aung Suu Kyi, Nelson Mandela, Coretta Scott King, John F. Kennedy, Eleanor Roosevelt, Mother Teresa, Harvey Milk, and the list goes on?  You’ve got it, without these nice guys, we would probably not even have a fence let alone a world. 

These nice guys fought for our very liberty, justice, equality and peace. They believed in something, stood their ground and battled head on, not a wishy washy one among them. They felt strongly for and stood unabashed to defend truth and justice. Some of whom suffered persecution, imprisonment and even death for the very rights and benefits we so luckily have today. 

So where do we go from here? Do we sit on the fence and watch injustice?  Do we sit and watch as others fight our battle?  Do we sit on the fence and say we don’t want to get involved? If we continue on this path, we have no conscience, we have no credibility, we have no compassion. If we continue on this path we do not even have the true ability to love or to care.  We are just empty shells, hollow and emotionless. 

I know what sort of nice guy, I want to be.  I want to stand for justice, for truth and, for equality for all and I will not sit on the fence and take the safe option. When the day comes to close my eyes for the final time, I want to be proud to say ‘I tried’, ‘I cared,’ and ‘I loved’.

It won’t happen overnight but wouldn’t it be nice for everyone to stand their ground proudly and get involved - to make a difference and to promote truth and justice for every man, woman and child. 

Just my thoughts!

commons.wikimedia.org

Patience is a Virtue #passwords #disability #privacy

Let's face it, I am not the most patient person in the world.  On a scale of 1-10, I would probably rate at around - hmmm let me think - 2!  However, to cut the queues I follow the protocols of procedure to lesson my angst in waiting.  For instance, in bank accounts I apply, and receive, the relevant ID logins and passwords to enable quick access. Or at least shorten the length of the 'We value our client's and you will be put through to a customer service operator ASAP!" statements, and the endless advertisements, reassuring me that I am in the hands of the Number 1 bank in the land.

These passwords and codes are to guarantee that your privacy, or security, is not breached in anyway. These automated voice banks promise you instant access to your accounts.  They clear the pathways for the operator with whom you finally speak. The operator no longer has to waste even more time mulling over whether you know your Great Aunties maiden name, who had 3 fathers, or the dog, that when they ask its name, you say an affectionate name, not the real thing, and bang, you're passing your toenail clippings down the line for DNA testing, to establish something you thought you had already established, when you logged in with those names and numbers.  

becomeabankteller.com

About 2 weeks ago, I decided as I passed my bank, that I would just go in and ask for a re-issue of a card in both our names as it expires while we are overseas.  To my surprise, the exercise was rather painless! She assured us that the reissued cards would arrive in the mail within 7 working days. 'Great,' we thought, 'I might physically go into the bank more often, as this seemed simpler and more efficient than I had imagined.'  Again, to my surprise in the mail came the new cards in 3 days. On looking at the shiny, new, virginal cards, I glanced at their beauty to see that the expiry date was the same. Thinking of human error, I decided to venture back to my bank rather than that phone call.  Again, quite painless, with the apology for her boss ticking the wrong box! All would be fixed and re-issue would be done again within 7 days.  Yes, in another 4 days, owing to weekend in between, the cards arrived again.  You guessed it - same expiry dates!!!!

On top of this, we decided that same day to do a bank transfer from our app to find, somehow, the limit (of our own money I might add) had been dropped remarkably.  I then ring the internet banking team with the usual protocols in place, ask to speak to a consultant. Then with the round of questions regarding my time of conception, my blood type, and sperm count, I was finally spoken to regarding reissue and the limit allowance.  She, then on looking into my profile, assured me that she would not be able to discuss unless my partner spoke on the phone to verify his existence and, maybe divulge his deceased father's brand of his first bicycle (remember he is Asian.)   I explained that my partner is deaf which would create a problem when speaking on the phone. I reminded her of the 3rd party disclosure we had agreed upon when opening the account in the first place.  After 1 hour and numerous discussions with her supervisors she accepted and assured me our limit had again been raised, along with following her step by step on my iMac to reinstate the original limit.

That night we decided to transfer some funds, only to be rejected again.  Oh bother I thought!!!!!  I rang the bank! After setting in the pass protocols was told that the consultants only work till 7 pm, thank you for your patience, and ring again in the morning after 9 am Eastern Standard Time.  To ease my lack of serenity I did partake in a few medicinal wines for comfort.  Next morning, I rang the bank, and again, was objected to the same scrutiny of privacy as the day before.  With already telling the consultant that this conversation might not be pretty, she accepted, and then advised that the quickest and most efficient way to deal with this was was to transfer my call to the bank who had done the reissue, so they may reissue again, as they would have our true signatures on file.  Two hours later, after being on hold, and listing my credibility and last ten transactions in order for security, I was spoken to by the original manager at the branch who assures me the re-re-reissue would transpire forthwith and the limit would be raised again post haste. Oh, and I forgot, 'Thank you for banking with the Number 1 bank in the land!' script.  

Ok my patience was tested.  I think I actually deserve some bonus queue jumps for it.  The point of the matter is, yes, I believe in national security and that some scammer does not access my account and spend my funds on Taliban subscriptions. But, and its a tough call when you have accounts in both names and singularly you can't access information unless both verify. (Though one had thought that that little password and passcode was the key to our account)  One can only imagine the plight my partner would have been in if I was not around or, he was making the inquiry as the deaf guy he is.  

archive.indianexpress.com

The question I am asking is, can these institutions think past the number crunching, and realize that some people cannot access in the way they propose for full visioned, full hearing, people?  Yes, it is fine to say that there are relay services for those with disabilities. But, can they also realize that we are all human and maybe need some easier methods to communicate.  With us for example, you have one hearing and one non hearing person trying to communicate. Neither can use the same service successfully especially if they are in joint names, without SMS's flying in with approval to speak or SMS's flying in to transfer. These SMS's, I might add, are on the very phone that is attached to the hearing persons ear speaking to the consultant at the time trying to verify himself.  You think I'm confused?? Put yourselves in the disabled person's shoes as they go through the conundrum on a daily basis.  Would it not be kinder to bring back some more personal assistance.  
 
These are my thoughts until next time stay safe, be kind to yourself, and to others, and keep in touch. Until then, I will go to try and transfer some funds, and make new friends, at the land's Number 1 Bank.

Cheers!

Bitchescoz
 
Contact: luke65mcbride@gmail.com

disabilities.uchicago.edu