Jenny Craig and the Bulimic Diet Plan

Strangely enough, for my whole life most people have chosen to never tell me the truth and  inevitably the truth always comes out at some stage. No matter how simple the question, they simply cannot give me a straight answer. Funny really, a gay guy wanting a straight answer.  Though in my heart I know that the lie is there, and the more I search for the truth, the deeper they build or extend the lie. And sure enough when the truth is out I work myself up to such a state that  I’m projectile puking like a Jenny Craig bulimia diet plan. Sadly, I am not skinny and I do apologize to those that suffer from the disease. 

I am seriously wondering why people can’t be open?  Yes, the truth may hurt sometimes but, at least it is the truth, and there is no white washing it.  In my heart of hearts I know that the deception is there and the more I delve the deeper the wound, the more fabricated the lie becomes.  For instance a couple of years ago we were organizing our trip to Europe and I was discussing my thoughts of the plans to my friend to discuss with her husband.  I would ask her to run my thoughts past her husband. She was convincing in the beginning that she would discuss when he got home from work.  Days would go by and I would repeat my questions and either she would avoid (pretend she never read my messages) or tell me he had to race out early for work, or would return from work tired and go straight to bed or golf days were on etc etc.  The little fibs kept building and my curiosity and wanting an answer was wearing thin. It came to the Friday and she avoided the topic by saying she would speak with him on the weekend. Sure, I thought (NOT)!  She is avoiding, fibbing, hiding something, or was too embarrassed to tell me she was a tight ass (which I already had known so no need hide). That very last night after finishing my talks with her and her telling me she would ask him on the weekend, I was running down my newsfeed on FB to see her husband say “Enjoying Turkey”  and photos to match.  The next day I thought, ‘I won’t let on.’ So, when I spoke to her asking how she was going explaining my thoughts to her husband, she said she would ask as soon as he got home from his golf.  I let her run with her deception until a day or two later I ask if his game was in Turkey?   Turkey she proclaimed, with a dash of guilt.  Yes, I said I saw him on FB.  The excuses came left right and centre as to why she had not told me.  None of which would have taken precedence over truth, but hey she promised never to lie again, we went on our holiday of Europe and the Turkey saga is behind us. 

salon.com

Having given an example of a simple lie, I wonder why do people have to do it?  Why can’t they be open?  They can be forthright in business dealings.  Forthright in their political and religious beliefs but when asked some simple question from a friend or relative does it need the deceit?  Please, don’t tell me they didn’t want to hurt my feelings!  That’s what it does big time with the barrage of cover-ups and avoidance of topic because the truth comes out in the smallest of ways, and cuts like a surgeon’s scalpel.  

 

Is it that some people are more prone to being lied to than others?  Do they expect me to be like a policeman and search for the truth?  Or do they really think I am a fool who is gullible enough to let it go without question?  Why is it that those who have been hurt badly must be subjected to more deceit from their closest and dearest? 

Simply I put I to my jury of readers - why is it so? 

Until next time cheers, care for yourselves and those around you. 

Road Trip #friendship

Today, tired of painters around the house, I decided to escape on a trip to nowhere in particular but, just hit the highway. I had no intention of getting out of the car. Just a round trip, to think through some things with my music playing, being alone and meditative. As it happens, my sister and I have been talking of late of the wonders of friendships. Not acquaintances, but friends that are as much to you as a relationship, and a relationship that you believe will stand tall and strong till the end of time. 

I’m not talking Facebook friends here that you can accept and reject as quickly as it is to hit a button, but friendships that are meaningful, part of your family but not blood. 

 

meme-lol.com

As in all relationships we need to be committed. (Not that ‘committed’ but committed to the relationship). We need to be there when the chips are down as well as enjoying their successes and happiness.  We need to treat with respect, with care, and to realize that they have feelings and hearts that can be broken. In a partnership, our word, our actions can hurt and  jeopardise the longevity of that commitment.  Also, we must remember that we need to work on our relationship as it will only prosper with the love and thought that we put into it. 

Driving down this highway I suddenly realize that driving is a lot like friendship itself.  We need to learn to merge, give way, move with care, cruise, brake, slow down, speed up, take care, respect other drivers abilities, be mindful, and indicate our intentions. Without all of these we are destined to end at the wreckers or worse.

As I am not on a mission and I am basically Sunday driving on a Tuesday I realize that others are thinking only of getting to their destination, meeting time limits, and some just know that they are bigger and more robust than me and can demand right of passage whether I like it or not.  Some are more showy than me and have an arrogance that tells me to get out of their way.  Their branding, their personalised plates and the size of their exhausts display their self-importance on this highway.  

The friendship highway can be much the same and, without the same courtesies as driving our friendships can end in human wreckage. 

We as drivers on the friendship highway must learn that each, and everyone, is as important as the next and that each driver of life is to be afforded that respect and courtesy. There should be no one judged by the size of their exhausts, their branding, if they are on a time limit, or if they are much more powerful than the next. 

This is something we must take into our daily lives. We may think that we are too busy or too over revved (busy with our day to day responsibilities) for our friendships.  We have to be mindful that our friends need merge as well on our highway.  If a friendship is to survive the journey we must remember that we need to give some time to the Sunday drivers.  The size of our exhausts and brands (our egos, self importance) must take a back seat and allow for our relationships to cruise rather than be rushed, and made feel uncomfortable.  So often we tend to make our friends feel inadequate, and worthless, owing to their unbranded, putt putt they call a car.  (their lives) 

Our actions must reflect our trueness, our commitment to our relationships.  Yes we all get busy but do we have to say to our friends that we are soooooooo busy, making them feel that there is no time for them.  We need to think a little too about our friends situation.  When we know that our true friends are not as financial as we are, do we need to say OH MY GOD I am spending so much on this and that and make them feel more inadequate than they already feel.  Quite often I know that those same friends put their finances further down the slope because they know that they would give their last cent to their friends if they could and give the very little that they have to show them they care and are there for them.

My sister and I had discussed recently how that friendship can be quite one sided.  We discussed how quickly some friendships disappear when your money is depleted.  Suddenly you realize that, when the well is dry, those friends become soooooo busy and have lives that do not include you.  We also discussed that sometimes you and your friends decide to take on other things like holidays, or dinners to find that at the end of it you are left holding the baby and no support has been given.  Dinners become a nightmare! One night you say ‘your shout’ and you encourage your guests to dine like kings or queens in our case.  The next time your friends say ‘their shout’ and immediately as the menu is presented say, ‘OH MY GOD! I could only have the entree size or I am not that hungry.’  This may be true but, don't say this, as your guests for the evening are wanting the queens dinner and are suddenly made to feel that they are mere servants and must eat the peasant meal.  You make them guilty and order the least inexpensive. 

We must realize that to be friends and to have friends is the most wonderful experience.  Something that you must cherish and nurture till the day you no longer have breathe.

Today I thank the painters for making me think, for making me appreciate my friends and to realize that tomorrow may never come.  So make the most of that friendship that partnership on life’s highway.  I thank them for opening my eyes to merge this highway of friendship and to make my friends realize that they are right there on my highway and that together we can create the most wonderful journey and that our road trip is not trip around the block but a journey of care, compassion and love. 

 

rollingout.com

Sitting on the Fence #courage

How often do we want something, believe in something? Whether it be a simple want or justice, or equality, or clarification to a situation, quite often we all are guilty of sitting back and watching others do the hard yards. Then, when all the work is done, we reap the benefits or, if the outcome is not successful we can honestly say we were not involved in the exercise.  We sit on the fence and bask in the glory of success and not ruffle a feather, and appear neutral if the outcome goes the other way. 

Quite often, even family loyalty is something we sit on the fence with too. We appear to be behind and trust someone 100% but, in fact we have placed our bets fifty/fifty so we,ourselves, don’t get hurt when the race is run. We simply say we do not want to be involved!  It’s so much easier to let others sort it out, to believe in someone and let them take the fall.  Believe me I have been there.  I have watched someone make the point, backed them from the fence and then, when the outcome is sorted, I can go either side of the fence depending on the outcome and, I have not lifted a finger, or broken a nail, so I look like the nice guy.  

 

thesource.com

Sitting on the fence and being the nice guy is safe, it’s convenient, and it’s less time consuming.  But to be a nice guy on the ground pursuing equality, fairness, justice, and resolution is a much harder option.

 

Where would we fence sitters be today without  the on the ground nice guys such as Martin Luther King Jnr, Mahatma Gandhi, Helen Keller, Aung Suu Kyi, Nelson Mandela, Coretta Scott King, John F. Kennedy, Eleanor Roosevelt, Mother Teresa, Harvey Milk, and the list goes on?  You’ve got it, without these nice guys, we would probably not even have a fence let alone a world. 

These nice guys fought for our very liberty, justice, equality and peace. They believed in something, stood their ground and battled head on, not a wishy washy one among them. They felt strongly for and stood unabashed to defend truth and justice. Some of whom suffered persecution, imprisonment and even death for the very rights and benefits we so luckily have today. 

So where do we go from here? Do we sit on the fence and watch injustice?  Do we sit and watch as others fight our battle?  Do we sit on the fence and say we don’t want to get involved? If we continue on this path, we have no conscience, we have no credibility, we have no compassion. If we continue on this path we do not even have the true ability to love or to care.  We are just empty shells, hollow and emotionless. 

I know what sort of nice guy, I want to be.  I want to stand for justice, for truth and, for equality for all and I will not sit on the fence and take the safe option. When the day comes to close my eyes for the final time, I want to be proud to say ‘I tried’, ‘I cared,’ and ‘I loved’.

It won’t happen overnight but wouldn’t it be nice for everyone to stand their ground proudly and get involved - to make a difference and to promote truth and justice for every man, woman and child. 

Just my thoughts!

commons.wikimedia.org

Fuzzy Balls #sharing #community #cooperation

As you may have figured by now, I am quite into fashion and trying to look my best. My partner, however, is not!  Though he does like to wear my clothes and save his own money. However, he could dress in a horse blanket and still look great. Oh, the perils of a clothes horse.

In our relationship we share most things.  Somethings we do well together as a team. Others we are capable of, but better at, or more experienced to do alone.  This is common within any household. General cleaning etc we share.  Cooking he mainly attends, I do on occasions but, I don't have the savoir-faire that he does. So, I tend to limit my dining experiences to the decoration of the table, the ambient music (that he can't hear owing to being deaf) and the eating. Oh and lets not forget, the toasting of his culinary successes with the glasses of champagne. (Ooops did I pluralize that?)

Anyway I deviate from our Fuzzy Balls.  Despite our differences in clothing, one thing we really share is the preening that goes into cleanliness and hygiene. Our hot water bills will attest to that. Neither of us like things out of place, both body and home. One of us, not saying which, jumps faster than me as soon as he sees things getting a little messy.  This jumping can sometimes carry a downside to his obsession for his saving money, not wasting time, and environmental efficiency.

To elaborate, I tend to throw things in the washer to sort later. He, on the other hand, sees the opportunity to save time and just throw anything in on top without sorting.  Yes, it gets clean but those fuzzy balls that appear on my beautiful sweaters when they emerge from the wash just drive me balmy.  This is  one of the said jobs that I am happier to do.  Yes, I am happy to do this, peg our socks in rows on the line, to pick after dry and, allow him to iron later.  But, please don't touch the washer and give us fuzzy balls over our smooth attachments. Yes I realize that you see it and want everything ship shape, but leave it to the expert!

Having said all of this, each and everyone of us has something to contribute to each other's lives. Something,s we shine at and somethings, others shine at.  This being said, if we just pool our shining attributes, we can work together to make things better.  All of us are different, but if we share our talents, the whole world may benefit.  It is far more beneficial to pool our resources and work together than it is to stand and watch from the sideline.  I am sure most of us have the goal of getting along and making everyone else's, and our own lives, less complicated, less alone, less fragmented.Yes there will be fuzzy ball days but, if we share, take responsibility, and give a little, those days will surely become less frequent.

If we learn to share those frustrating days with others, we can learn to experience others strengths and weaknesses.  Offer our strengths to the pool of life and work together for a common goal and that is compassion, love and acceptance.

These are my thoughts, I hope that you will give me your thoughts about my fuzzy balls.  Until next time, take care!

Cheers

Bitchescoz

People - Barbra Streisand