A little while back, I wrote of a friend of mine and his stressful
relationship with his mother. I asked if anyone could give advice of how to
help him with his dilemma. I passed the advice and information from your emails
on to him. Thank you!
After
discussions with his new found helpers, they established that he should distance his
contact with her. For the most part, all was going well apart from her
abusive texts, and her usual undermining of him to family and friends,
but he rose above it all and was going along quite well.
Inevitably
a family function had to be attended. He hummed and haa'd as to whether he should
go, or not ,but decided he had nothing to hide so he would attend. This
reunion was to be difficult for him, but I know sometimes you need to
bite the bullet. I advised him to play it cool and just be nice. Hopefully the evening would go without incident and he would stay his
dignity, which he has always kept, intact!
Sure
enough the woman ,in her evil plot, had readied herself for the kill.
The minute he arrived she told everyone of the prodigal sons return! Of
how she had been neglected, and shunned, after everything she had ever
done for him. The 'everything' that she had done, was that of any normal
parent - clothe, educate and feed him as a child. She failed to talk of her
manipulation, her torment, her unending assassination of his character
over the years. She also failed to admit that even after all of this,
he stood tall and accepted her abuse publicly and personally. Never did
he once denounce her and her evil, embarrassing her like she so often
did to him.
I am proud that my friend
kept his cool throughout the evening. I am proud that my friend did
not dip into the gene pool and retaliate in the matriarchal way. I am
proud that my friend left in a dignified manner! Even after she had
publicly stated that his love had been payed for in full through her
expenditure on him from birth. Sometimes
I feel that no matter how often you turn the cheek and turn back with
love, there is a time for you to walk away. Don't look back. Refuse to
be someone who others can wipe their feet on. Let it Go.
My
friend and many others have endured this humiliation, this abuse. This
form of abuse, though not physical, is something from which you must escape,
despite the costs. No one should endure physical or emotional beatings.
No tie, family, friend or lover should have to succumb to this.
We
intend to stand beside my friend through the emotion, the mourning of
his family loss. Any member of his family that allows this to happen to a
fellow human being, is not worthy to be in his presence. We will help
him through his loss. Help him to rebuild a life that is compete
without the abuse that he has become so used to.
If
anyone you know is suffering abuse in any shape or form please stand by
them. Please give them support, as even if they willingly choose to leave this abusive relationship and family situation, they will indeed feel loss, and they will feel a
mourning. Please don't stand back and, say it has nothing to do with
you. Abuse is something that needs to
be stopped. Every person deserves the dignity of respect. Every person
deserves someone to lean on in their times of trouble.
Unless
we reach out and offer help, care, and comfort to those suffering our
lives will be shallow. If we don't offer help we will be as guilty
as my friend's evil mother.
These are
my thoughts. I hope and pray that you too may feel as I do and reach
out and be a shoulder for those more needy than ourselves. Till next
time.
Cheers!
Bitchescoz
Contact: luke65mcbride@gmail.com
Over the last couple of weeks with a dear uncle of mine passing
away, and the reunion of my best friend, a lot of time has been spent
thinking of the past. The good, the bad, the ugly and the exquisite. With
his passing a lot of memories have been foremost in our minds, remembered and shared.
Mostly the memories are of those that have gone before him. People,
that in your mind, he will love to catch up with, if there is a next life.
People that were part of his life, my life. People who would have
nurtured, given advice, taught and encouraged him to be the great man
he was.
These memories can be both
bitter and sweet. People like him, and others, have brought joy and
meaning to our lives. They have encouraged us to conquer our fears.
They have guided us when at times we thought there was little hope.
They have shown by action, rather than words, their strengths and their
weaknesses. These memories consciously or subconsciously have led us to
be the people that we are today. In
our silence, away from the great tributes of joy that this man and many
others have brought us, we meditate, reflect, and recount why people
such as he, have formed our lives. Sadly
we also remember some of those people that have given us grief, not
encouraged us. The ones that, without the help of those who are great, may
have caused us to fall by the wayside and suffer badly.
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It
just so happened that my best friend came at this time. To her I
recount those great stories! But, along with those, there are some very
hurtful ones and we have been able to spring clean. Being a true friend
you are free to share those scattered pictures of your past. You are
able to showcase them in their original form, and display for everyone to
view your mantle of many happy occasions.
There
are however, some pictures that are only to be reflected upon. Some
pictures to be viewed, and contemplate, how they are only the negatives of
our album. These pictures can be seen through lenses that blur our
vision of our past. These pictures are exposed for their poor quality
and having revisited these snaps of our past, you can dust them off, re box,
seal and dispose of finally. These
unhappy snaps of our life should be aired, observed and visited, but we
must call on the happy shots that have brought us strength. Allow these
beautiful memories to over ride the evil negatives that have been
lurking in that box of nostalgia.
We
must look at the positives that these people have given us through our
lives. Let them take precedence and shelve the negative influences.
Until we dispose of the negatives properly they will give our mantle a smoke
haze rather than the warmth these embers of hope and joy have given us.
It is great to speak these thoughts
and feelings that you have. It is also great to expose these
negatives so they can never be displayed on a mantle of horror. We must deal with and then
dispose of, so that their influences can never discolour the beauty
that we have found within. Until we deal with these memories, we can never truly see the beauty, and we can never forget those who were/are not so good.
Air
these memories, dispose of the negatives and remember the way we were
with a view to a great future. Only then will our newly dusted pictures be
truly exquisite and shed real warmth and a glow for those around us.
Cheers!
Bitchescoz
Contact: luke65mcbride@gmail.com
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