Giving Thanks! #manners #respect #leadingbyexample

Firstly, thanks for all the correspondence I have had for my last couple of blog posts. I usually leave the more controversial robust posts for my partner but this time they are mine. Blame the rain! 

 
Whilst on the subject of rain, the other day - and I must point out this was not my local shopping centre, which is rather friendly, rather urbane, and rather pleasant - I was visiting a shopping centre and, in front of me at the check out was this lady and her child. As you are aware, I wait so patiently and observe the goings on he he!  Back on track! The lady was being served at the checkout and she pulled a biscuit out of her handbag and to give to the child.  While the service attendant was waiting to receive her credit card, and I waiting in line so patiently, the woman was teasing the child with the biscuit, like a dog obedience trainer is to a Labrador puppy teaching it to sit and heel. However, the mother and the child became less than playful with the training technique, with the child screaming for the biscuit and the mother screaming for a thank you. Eventually, after what seemed the lifespan of the Queen Mother, both achieved their reward. However, the child received a very sore bottom (which I do not agree with by the way) and the mother got the 'Thank you', she so desired.  The lady snatched her credit card and receipt from the service attendant, stuffed the child into the trolley with another smack and scream. Then my turn came to be served with the checkout girl and myself just staring at each other, like two lost souls on a ship going to nowhere.

Not wishing to follow the woman, nor stalk her, I had three other shops that I needed to go to and, sure enough, there she was in front of the queue in two of the shops.  For my third errand I decided to hop in the car and go back to Pleasantville to finish my last one.

The point that I am making here is - this "woman of the demanding thank you", not once thanked the servers who proffered their services to her.  Not once, did she teach by example to her child, the courtesies which she so rigorously required.  Is it so hard to simply say, 'Thank you' to people?  Is it easier to demand, 'Thanks' than give it yourself.  I think not!  Yes the lady may have been having a tough day but is it necessary to use force for thanks?  What is this teaching the child?  Does this behaviour show them bullying is ok or, does it show that they can be bullied.  Either way, its  not the way I want my world to be.  

Surely, all of us must agree, that a simple thanks does not take much energy from our tanks. But, that simple thanks may encourage others to return it in kind, as well.  God knows the checkout operator may be having a tough day one day, jump the counter, and smack us for our lack of manners.  How would we handle that one?  Not well, I am prepared to swear on.   
Ok, we all get absentminded at times and forget manners. But, don't you agree that the simplicities of life can be as rewarding as ticker tape parade down your Main Street. I know at home for instance, just a snatch and snarl may not comfort me sleeping on the couch. Each and everyone of us deserve the right of thanks when it is due. So let's just show it more often and not beat it into someone who forgets, or is learning life's complexities.

These are my thoughts!  I hope you will keep writing in with your's and until next time take care! Always love each other, share a smile, share a shoulder, and share a kind thought for others.

Cheers!

Bitchescoz

Contact: luke65mcbride@gmail.com

But for the Grace of God! #love #compassion #caring

My post on the blog, the other day, expressed my feelings of loss and sadness with the passing of Robin Williams. I am obviously not alone in my grief, as the tributes and accolades continue to pour in from many around the world.  To those who read my post and emailed, agreeing to adopt my 'you & me' policy, I thank you.  To those who replied in a less than courteous manner, my response is 'But for the Grace of God go you'.

Not one of us have closed our eyes eternally as yet. Unless, of course, you are one of the minority who responded in a disrespectful manner to my writing. You too, are probably the same ones that caused Zelda Williams to close her accounts on social media because of your inhumane ramblings on his passing. Do you not think that this family has suffered enough. They were gracious enough to share their beautiful thoughts and memories, with a public that mourned with them. To you that are eternally closed eyed and venom mouthed, I hope that you may one day learn a sense of compassion, and acceptance, for minorities that are born like the rest of us with skin and, a need for oxygen to exist.  

Until we all learn to accept and tolerate our differences, this world will be a source of angst for any minority.  Discrimination of any kind should not be tolerated and actually be penalized by every country in this world.  I know this is probably a 'pie in the sky' ambition, but only then can we co-exist on equal footing.  Let us as caring human beings be there to help, be there to guide, be there to comfort others, that we classify as somehow different to what we perceive as normal.

This man took his life out of desperation, a desperation born of depression. This desperation can manifest itself differently from person to person.  This desperation may strike anyone at anytime. Therefore, we should try to be there for them. And, be there for those that are left to cope with the trauma that befronts them, as well as their personal gut wrenching loss.

Not one person on this earth should suffer discrimination at the hands of people (and I use that word nicely) who evoke hatred and separatism. Our lives have not ended and we cannot tell what is around the corner for any of us.  I believe love can cure all, and that love has no gender, race or disability. The love that we share, and reach out to others with, should be as personal as we want the love in our own lives to be.  The good books of life, no matter what religion, are based on love, compassion and care.  Why should religions adjust the fundamental ability to love on the basis of man made laws. The God of whatever we believe in, gave the gift of love.  Not a gift that has provisos of who we should love or how we should love.  We we given from birth a heart untouched by bigotry and hate and therefore, no religion nor government should place boundaries on who we love or who we help.

I believe that as long as we are not hurting anyone in our love, no one should be discriminated against.  I believe in the case of Robin Williams, not one of us has the right to judge his actions. I have nothing but admiration for this man and feel a deep sense of sadness that he had reached a point in his life where he felt he could no longer go on.  None of us know his desperation, emptiness and sadness and, until we walk in his or anyone else's  shoes, we do not own the right to discriminate nor judge him or anyone else.

To those who believe in my 'You & Me' policy, I am with you 100%.  To those with empty heart and closed eyes, my wish for you is that you may turn your anger to compassion, your hate to love, and your discrimination to equality.

And in recognition of a great man who lost his way I beg that all may turn to the person on their right or left and say, 'You are not Alone'.

Till next time keep those emails coming, and take care,

Cheers,
 
Bitchescoz
Contact: luke65mcbride@gmail.com

Let It Go! #abuse #caring #love #compassion

A little while back, I wrote of a friend of mine and his stressful relationship with his mother.  I asked if anyone could give advice of how to help him with his dilemma. I passed the advice and information from your emails on to him. Thank you! 

After discussions with his new found helpers, they established that he should distance his contact with her.  For the most part, all was going well apart from her abusive texts, and her usual undermining of him to family and friends, but he rose above it all and was going along quite well. 

Inevitably a family function had to be attended. He hummed and haa'd as to whether he should go, or not ,but decided he had nothing to hide so he would attend. This reunion was to be difficult for him, but I know sometimes you need to bite the bullet. I advised him to play it cool and just be nice.  Hopefully the evening would go without incident and he would stay his dignity, which he has always kept, intact! 

Sure enough the woman ,in her evil plot, had readied herself for the kill.  The minute he arrived she told everyone of the prodigal sons return! Of how she had been neglected, and shunned, after everything she had ever done for him.  The 'everything' that she had done, was that of any normal parent - clothe, educate and feed him as a child.  She failed to talk of her manipulation, her torment, her unending assassination of his character over the years.  She also failed to admit that even after all of this, he stood tall and accepted her abuse publicly and personally.  Never did he once denounce her and her evil, embarrassing her like she so often did to him.  

I am proud that my friend kept his cool throughout the evening.  I am proud that my friend did not dip into the gene pool and retaliate in the matriarchal way.  I am proud that my friend left in a dignified manner! Even after she had publicly stated that his love had been payed for in full through her expenditure on him from birth.  Sometimes I feel that no matter how often you turn the cheek and turn back with love, there is a time for you to walk away.  Don't look back.  Refuse to be someone who others can wipe their feet on.  Let it Go.  

My friend and many others have endured this humiliation, this abuse. This form of abuse, though not physical, is something from which you must escape, despite the costs.  No one should endure physical or emotional beatings.  No tie, family, friend or lover should have to succumb to this.  

We intend to stand beside my friend through the emotion, the mourning of his family loss. Any member of his family that allows this to happen to a fellow human being, is not worthy to be in his presence.  We will help him through his loss. Help him to rebuild a life that is compete without the abuse that he has become so used to.  

If anyone you know is suffering abuse in any shape or form please stand by them.  Please give them support, as even if they willingly choose to leave this abusive relationship and family situation, they will indeed feel loss, and they will feel a mourning.  Please don't stand back and, say it has nothing to do with you. Abuse is something that needs to be stopped. Every person deserves the dignity of respect.  Every person deserves someone to lean on in their times of trouble.  

Unless we reach out and offer help, care, and comfort to those suffering our lives will be shallow.  If we don't offer help we will be as guilty as my friend's evil mother.  

These are my thoughts. I hope and pray that you too may feel as I do and reach out and be a shoulder for those more needy than ourselves. Till next time.

Cheers!

Bitchescoz

Contact: luke65mcbride@gmail.com

Love can be Scratchy at Times! #comfort #home #relocation

At the beginning of the year we erected one of those do it yourself gazebos. It was to see us through the interim until we got quotes, council permits etc for the construction of a new conservatory. Then, along came the patter of little feet (four actually)!  There is an abundance of wildlife in our area and they all seem to like our back garden. One night, a mother possum appeared with her baby and sort of asked us to baby sit for a while.  Maybe she needed a night out on the town after being left high and dry by the father, with a baby to feed and nurture.  Anyway, mum never came back leaving us with a hairy little infant. We rang the wildlife people and they said she probably will come back but, in the meantime, give the baby some fruit and nuts.  One thing lead to another and days went by! My partner said the possum needed a drink and so then I was back on the phone to the wildlife people asking them what we can give it to drink?  The wildlife people said that possums are lactose intolerant so honey water or lactose free milk was the go.  'How do we do this?' we ask, as she wasn't drinking from a bowl. So, we went off to the pharmacy, bought a baby bottle, lactose free milk for infants, and attempted to feed.  She would not drink the milk! So, we changed to honey water.  Away she went, gobbling down the stuff! So cute!  

Mum never came back and, as baby began growing she would go out on the town herself.  I presume to check if she could find mum at one of the possum clubs or dating services.  Every morning, there baby would be, snuggled up in her little cocoon of canvas, to emerge for some fruit, nuts, and the bottle as soon as we woke.  She would then go back for the days sleep. At night, before she went out clubbing in search of mum, she would get our attention for a quick bite to eat before leaving for another night of looking for mummy dearest.  

This has gone on for months now, and finally, our new conservatory is to be built starting Thursday. We rang the wildlife people again about relocating her and they said to build her a little house close to where she has been camping. (he he) Encourage her with fruit and put some smelly bits of canvas  in the house to make her feel at home.

With Google plans in hand, we take off to the hardware shop so we can build a home fit for a queen. (ok possum) We purchase our materials, load them into the Jag and away we go.  Neither of us are of handyman status, but we did a fairly good job.  We waterproofed it, mounted it close to her original site but out of the way of construction.  

Today was the day to coax her into her new domain.  My partner says to me that maybe the hole in her new home gives too much light. So, I race inside, run up some block out curtains to hang, so her day time sleep is not disturbed.  Fit the drapes, now the coaxing begins.  Ok, she appears for breakfast takes the bottle as we walk with it toward her new abode.  She goes so far, then turns back.  Though she appears to love us, picking her up is a problem!  They have the longest claws which are not gay friendly, I tell you.  So three hours of encouragement to a very tired little girl and finally she is in, adjusted her bedding and seems set for a life of bliss and contentment.  We demolished the old house so there is no temptation to go back.  


I guess like all of us, we take comfort in our surrounds and familiar habits.  But every now and again, we must up root or up root someone else. It can be very difficult, and there will be problems adjusting. Yes a few scratches along the way.  But love isn't love if you haven't felt some pain, don't you think. But, if we encourage, guide, and let others move at their own pace, it can be quite painless.   

Baby was left alone at a tender age and she needed to feel support and nurturing on her journey. This is like all of us in some shape or form.  And for those around us who are left, we need to get out of our comfort zone and give help to someone in need.  That day may come, when we need someone to help us.  

These are my thoughts and as always feel free to email me and give me your thoughts.  Or maybe you have something you want to discuss.  

Cheers

Bitchescoz

Contact: luke65mcbride@gmail.com

Being Alive! #love #caring #insecurities #alive

With iPad and mug of hot chocolate, I followed the sun for the morning warmth in my courtyard among my flowers and visiting birds.  I was ready to write my thank-you notes to those who emailed me on my last article, 'You've got a Friend'. Suddenly into my solitude, burst the sounds of a young re-incarnated Elaine Stritch or very alive Bernadette Peters belting out 'Let it go' from the musical "Frozen".  This young 4 year old neighbour has the voice of an angel and the lungs of all the divas combined.  

I sat and  drank my chocolate and just listened to the lyrics of wisdom proffered by this little diva. By now, most of you will have realized that music really floats my boat.  It makes me feel alive, and the lyrics and uplifting of this song with its heart felt words made me think of Sondheim's 'Being Alive'. And there in my head was an ensemble of Patti Lu Pone, Barbra Streisand, Bernadette Peters, and Sondheim himself on keyboard. What a performance was going on in my head!  Not to mention, I too, was up there on stage offering my dulcet tones to the mix.  

Coming off stage with the greats, my thoughts of thank-you notes passed and, I just wanted to share that if we all took those words into our everyday lives, as I feel the master writer himself intended, we could make a real difference.  If we opened our hearts and and minds to those around us, gave a little of ourselves, all of our lives would be indeed blessed.  

It just means giving a little to those around us - reaching out and making a difference.  Every gentle touch builds to a worldwide hug. A hug that this world really needs right now. Not one person really needs to go it alone. All it takes is a nod of assurance, a gentle smile, a warm hello.  Each and everyone of us, has the capability to do at least one of these things.  God knows, with each and everyone of us turning to our neighbour, and giving a warm hello and an encouraging glance, it may stop the cycle of war and injustice.  

Let's all try to be a cycle breaker, lets show our friends, our families and our new found friends that we are as insecure as they are. That we too need someone to be close to. Someone to share with, someone to give, someone to mock us with praise and someone to love.   

Let's break this self fulfilling prophecy of doom and gloom and fill it with hope.  Let's fill it with a song of joy, a song of freedom, a song of equality.  Let's join my little neighbour in her song of 'Let it Go' and let go of the prejudices, the anger and loneliness.

Join me on stage with my ensemble! Declare that we want to be crowded with love, love that comes through caring! Know that there is someone to help us shed our insecurities and not to be frightened any more. Help us survive and give us hope that we are truly  'Being Alive'.

These are my thoughts.

Cheers!

Bitchescoz

Contact: luke65mcbride@gmail.com 

Being Alive - Bernadette Peters

In the Arms of an Angel! #angel #compassion #love #forgiveness

Last night I was talking with  my dearest friend and she had said how she was doing a bit for a new found friend. She did not say she was busy, she did not say she was stressed. She did not say I am needed elsewhere so haven't got time for you. She simply said she was doing a bit for her friend. This person is ever humble in her concern, her help, her care for her fellow man.  She sees something needs doing and she ploughs right in and does it. There is self sacrifice without self involved. 

Her friend moved to the area for a new beginning, many miles from her former home. Started life anew. New friends, new job, new goals and new dreams. Everything was moving ahead with her life and those that gave her strength in her new start.  Suddenly from nowhere comes the news that she has a serious illness with a not so good prognosis. Every so often I attend funerals and you hear some crying buckets of tears, crying the loudest. They are also the ones crying, 'I had no idea he/she was even sick'.  I ask myself why?  Why did they not know?  When did they last make contact?  When did they stretch out their hand to help?  Why are they even attending this persons celebration of life?  

We all attend funerals and we all mourn for that person.  But can we honestly say we cared.  Did we offer support for the person or those around them. Yes it is nice to release the tears and show others our loss.  But did we have anything to lose?  When we meet in another life, will that person even recognize us or simply pass us by.  The same way we passed them by in their hour of need.  

My friend is one of these people that no one will ever pass by in another life.  My friend takes everyone on her wing.  I did not say under her wing.  My friend puts them and everyone around on her wing and gives them vision, gives them strength, gives them faith that they can handle these difficult times.  Putting under her wing would smother them.  No my friend lifts them so they can see clearly and helps to guide them.  Quite often she is seen as pragmatist.  Yes, she is, but in one of the kindest ways I could only try to achieve. She offers help. She gives it. But if not required, she steps back and allows that person to believe, and know, that they can achieve without assistance.  Giving everyone the knowledge that even in weakness we can achieve. They can lead, even from behind, whatever curve ball we have been passed.  

I know what I want to be to those around me. I don't want to be one of those crying, when I never built a true friendship, to really know the feeling of loss.  I want to be able, in good times and in bad, to show and share with  my friends, and family, that there is dignity in every stage of life and no one can take that dignity without our permission.  

Yes I want to strive to take my loved ones on my wing, not smother, but to help and guide them in good times and in bad.  But, when they face that stark cold hotel room of life, I want to help  them.  I want to help them make their fears empty and weightless, and deliver them into the arms of a true angel, where they may find some comfort.

My thoughts!

Cheers!

Bitchescoz  

Contact: luke65mcbride@gmail.com

crystalangels,org.uk

I Love You More! #love #passion #nurture #caring

We all get tied up with the everyday humdrum of our lives.  We have people to see, places to go, careers to build, family and friends to care for! But, do we take for granted the person we fell in love with? It is easy to take them for granted - that they know you love them, deeply, passionately and with a forever kind of love. I know I fall short in this department.  We take it for granted that they just know.

 Just as children need nurturing, a gentle touch, and encouragement to grow into a caring, loving and compassionate human beings, so does the love that we share with our partners.  Like the roses we grow, the pets we have, they all need attention to detail to make sure they develop to their greatest potential.
Even as adults, we flourish and grow with the nurturing of love. We can't just feed it once or twice and expect it to grow without some attention. We need add some fertilizer for the soul. We really do keep growing till our last breath.
 
I know I love my man. I know that when we are apart it is like walking on one foot. I am not whole when he is not around. I think of his funny little ways, his funny little lingo, our mutual funny little lingo.  I miss the looks he gives (Ok some I don't miss!) but I do miss those quirky glances, those off beat nuances, those little expressions of love. Things we take for granted until they are not there.

As Bette Midler sings, 'We all have memories of loves and lives of people' and 'things we have affection for them all' but, 'inside we love the person we are with more'.  We don't lose those memories good or bad but, this person is our constant.  Therefore, I really have to give, touch, feel and express my love more often.  Don't expect him to be a mind reader that the love is still there.

It is quite easy to assume but, sometimes we look around and wonder why that person has gone. Why that person couldn't see I was busy?  Did my lover not know I have my career? Couldn't  he/she keep up to my pace?  I am a loving caring guy and I have to spread my caring beyond our doors. I have family and friends, didn't he/she see that?

You can throw a dog a bone, but does that mean you are his best friend? No, that dog needs a gentle pat, some grooming, a walk in the park, someone to have a little play and above all acknowledge that they are there.

Yes, we all get busy with the daily grind! But, unless we take them by the hand, say, 'I love you,' thank them for being there,and enjoy some 'one on one' with them, one day we may find they have not followed.  So what we need is to do, is tell them often, that no one compares and I love you more.

Now I have to go and speak our lingo and tap him 3 times, give him a hug to remind him 'I love you'.

Cheers!

Bitchescoz  

Contact: luke65mcbride@gmail.com

  In My Life - Bette Midler

I Honestly Love You! #love #samesexlove #relationships

You know we see these texts from time to time and they make us feel all gooey and romantic inside. We read them and feel that love is alive and well. 

Two people madly in love with each other that they can't wait to be back in each others arms.  I have read, that some miss their partner so much. that they can't  even sleep in the bed while their loved one is away.  They want to spend that forever with their partner and, being without them for even the shortest of times, can be their loneliest. Also, some who lose their partner through death, go through months, and sometimes their life, not sleeping in the bed they shared.  Extreme maybe, but all of us cope with grief and separation in different ways.  But we mourne our loss, our separations the best way we can.

Love is very powerful. Yes we all vow the eternal, forever, kind of love.  But in the present, we need our partner, our source of strength with us.  Not many of us can deny the tears we shed at airports when someone close is leaving us.

Love is an extreme gift.  No one can quantify it, fully describe it, but nearly all find it.  When we do there are no barriers for our love.  The bond and the individualised feeling, are shared by two. Yes sometimes, there can be complications for the love we share. But those barriers are not from within our hearts. Those barriers are from those that maybe, do not understand the depths that love brings.

Maybe, those people have not felt a love, that has no barriers.  Maybe, those people need a book of guide lines as to how to love.  Maybe, those people believe that each person's love is the same as the next and copied.  Maybe, those people have that book at hand and can wipe their loss, their separation their anxiety to cope, because after all to them, love is something taught, and is not, something that comes from within.

Yes, I believe that love is as individual as the morning sun.  It filters in different ways and each of us see that sun from different angles, from different perspectives.  But, sure as the sun rises, we all feel that glow, but each and everyone of us will describe it in a different way.  Yes, we may say it as it has been written before, but we feel, we experience, we need that warmth.

That warmth is felt by everyone on this planet and unless we block that warmth, and that glow, we of all nations, religion, colour and sexuality can and should have the right to experience the warmth the individualised pleasure that warms our hearts and our souls.

Feelings and love are not things that can be learned.  They come from within.  We can take advice and solace in how others have felt from the past by books of wisdom but this love, this sun is internal and only we know how that it affects us.

The text message at the beginning was from two guys who have been parted for whatever reason. But that love, that feeling of love can not, and should not, be seen as exclusive for people of the opposite sex.  Each love is as different as we feel the sun rising.

Don't let the rose die on the vine because of what has been written in the past.  Create your future.  To say I honestly love you is your feeling, your life blood.  Don't let gender, race, or colour, slant yours or anyone elses true love.

As the song goes, 'I'm a man like any other man, Unlike any other man.' 

Cheers!

Bitchescoz

Contact: luke65mcbride@gmail.com

 I Honestly Love You - The Boy from Oz - Hugh Jackman & Jarrod Emick

You and Me against the World #acceptance #celebration #living

By the end of this you may think that it is an infomercial for Paul Williams, Joe Raposo and the Muppets. Their lyrics help me to reflect, to draw strength, to inspire and to believe.

In the next few days we, my partner and myself, will join the celebration of life for my great uncle.
A man who was loved, and cherished, by anyone who had the pleasure of meeting him.

In readiness for the celebration you recall his goodness and, as with all such occasions, many tears of joy and sadness emerge.  These are times when you draw on the people especially your partner to be big and 'strong and looking out for you'.  A time when you can simply feel the touch, draw strength from that arm around you.  Above all, not feel it is 'you and me against the world'.

You want to be 'green' and blend in with the establishment. Know that no one sees you as anything but the 'evergreen' tributes that sit before the alter.

On these occasions and many other occasions you don't necessarily want to be seen as the 'rainbow connection' to this great man.  You want to be seen as his family someone who is seen by your character not by your sexuality.  Someone who has depth, someone who cares, someone who has a love and is as committed to that love, as the ones around you.

We all draw strength from those around us. We all say how wonderful that husband was holding his wife's hand through the eulogy.  We see that as normal as the sun to our lives.  We see that sun peeking out of the clouds, gives us strength on those  'rainy days and Mondays'. Gives us warmth to 'see it through.'

As gay guys we need to be seen as normal human beings just like the rest of the world.  We long for our 'voice be one and the same'.  We long to be seen as 'something that we are supposed to be.' We long that we are 'more than visions not only illusions and have nothing to hide.'

For most of us, I believe, we want to be seen as equal as those that have fought the civil rites, and the women's rites movements before us.  We want to be seen as a huge melting pot of ideas, ideals with unity, and be the colour of Spring , a new beginning, a landscape of combined beauty.

This day is coming closer, but till then I ask, that all think how they would feel if they were in our shoes.  Do we need others to 'turn their back and walk away' and when your frightened by the clown need someone lookin' out for you.'

Of course we do!   I believe that 'SOONDAY we'll find it, the rainbow connection, the lovers the dreamers and me.'

God bless you Uncle Lance, and may we someday meet again in Paradise.

Cheers!

Bitchescoz

Contact: luke65mcbride@gmail.com

You And Me Against The World - Helen Reddy & Kermit - Muppet Show

Are Caregivers Harmful? #frailty #disability #relationships

Today, I ask you - have you ever asked for some advice how to do something, and suddenly found that the whole thing has been taken over, as if you are a complete moron.

For me it's like asking someone with greater knowledge than me, how to open an application on the computer with which I am having difficulty.  Yes, I know my way around the keyboard. (I have been doing it forever it seems.) Yes, I can touch type with my eyes closed.  All I am asking for, is to be shown how to do it.  Next thing,  I am off making a cup of tea for them - pouring myself a strong drink while they browse my server with such ease. And yes, they have opened the application and downloaded the data that I wanted. Then, before I have time to take in the knowledge that they have never let me learn hands on, I find, times up! They have drunk their tea, and exited the door before I get to know how to do it, for the next time.  They leave happy with themselves that they have helped this wretched feeble person with such an easy to do, task.  (This care giver, gave this help before his tea got cold and, my drink was barely to my mouth - all with two finger typing.) Now that, is caring!  

communities.acs.org

My question here is, 'How often do we take on the role of care giver to our parents, the elderly, the children, our partners, and the disabled without acknowledging their dignity, their prior skills, or their learning capacity.  I know I have been guilty. (Guess my computer carer, helped me to open the 'karma' app to my soul.)  We have all given our time to others but, have we really helped? Or, have we simply shown them, that they are totally inadequate, that they are the feeble moron of which I spoke earlier. Well, we have achieved what they wanted and exited, feeling proud of a job well done.

This is where we should think before we leap.  Is the person we are helping, asking for you to take over? Or, are they merely asking for a little help, a little of your experience, a little wisdom to make their job easier or some reassurance that they can do it?

How often are we asked by the aged to show them where they sign a form?  How many times are we asked to explain a question on a child's homework?  How many times does our partner ask us show them where the TV remote is?  How many times has a disabled person asked you to simplify their situation?  

I know what my answer is owing to having the patience of bull.  My parents will ask me where to sign the form. Next thing,I am filling the whole thing out.  My partner has asked where the remote is and, instead of saying behind the books on the coffee table, I have raced over, grabbed it, asked him what station he wants to watch and, changed the channel.  My partner, who is also deaf and Chinese will have asked me to simplify the English of a manual, that was originally written in Chinese, and subsequently translated to English. Then, there I am, operating the implement I never even wanted to use in the first place.  Am I the carer?  No, I have simply taken their dignity away from them.  I have tried to be time efficient.  All this caring, and trying to simplify their life, but I have not allowed them take control of their own lives.  

These people, I might add, have raised children, worked for a million years, have found their way in their quiet world in the streets of Penang and Hong Kong. They have learned to deal with life's journey and still had time to pat themselves on the back for a job well done. I have done nothing but exaggerate their shortcomings by my sense of caring.  

Put simply, I say to you, 'When someone asks for help, examine what they really need. Don't give them a sense of their frailty. Yes, do it all for them, if they give you permission to do so.  But, remember like me and the computer carer, they need to retain their dignity and their sense of achievement.  

Think first then offer.

kidsmatter.edu.au

Cheers

Bitchescoz 

Contact: luke65mcbride@gmail.com

Come Little Children

With the Royal Commission into the Institutional Abuse of Children in Australia still underway, maybe, it is time to have a look at how these institutions are choosing to deal with the ramifications from the heartbreaking evidence being presented to the Commission. Oh, there will be measures that will be seen to be done, but will the culture that forms the basis of the institution actually change? I don't think so! No, I know so!

The abuse within the Catholic Church is as entrenched as it is endemic. It occurs worldwide, and the weak and the vulnerable, they are supposed to protect, are laid bare at the alter, sacrificed to some deviate Priest or Brother. The abuse has occurred since the very beginning of the Church and continues today. With the installation of Pope Francis there is a glimmer of hope as this gentle, humble man seeks to reconnect the arrogant Catholic Church with its parishioners. However, how disappointing is the the beatification of Pope John Paul 11 (to say this has been expediated, is something of an understatement). Along with the help of Pope Benedict he swept the problem under the carpet. What message does this beatification send to the victims of abuse at the hands of the Catholic Church? They make the very man who oversaw, and facilitated, the destruction of evidence of abuse and, the protection of the Priests who perpetuated it - a Saint!!!  May God help us, as the Catholic Church surely will not!

The Church has been dragged kicking and screaming (with the exception of a few) to the Royal Commission. They claim that the abuse has been dealt with! That their "Toward Healing" Program, where victims of abuse are coerced into signing confidentiality clauses, and offered some paltry sum for their suffering, has been successful in the rehabilitation of the victims. Pffft! Meanwhile, the Priest has been moved to another Parish or the ultimate protection of the Vatican to continue his abuse of the next lot of victims. When victims and their parents have enough courage to go to the police they are stonewalled at every turn. Once again the Church closes ranks to protect the Priest and force the victims and their families into massive debt, fighting their way through the legal system. Not only are they victims of the ongoing sexual abuse, they are further abused by the Church as they seek justice for their suffering. What makes this the most heinous of situations is the Church preaches its ethos of Christian caring and sharing. And yet, all the while not only failing to initially protect the vulnerable, but actively working against the victim to protect the perpetrators and the finances of the richest institution on Earth.

When we think of institutional abuse we think of the hapless victims of abuse within the orphanages run by the catholic Church and others. The physical abuse and mental abuse at the hands of the nuns and brothers is horrendous, and only surpassed by the sexual abuse metered out to these children. However, sexual abuse occurred at nearly every Catholic Parish in Australia at some time or another depending upon whether there was a pedophile Priest in residence or not. How disgusting that these deviates supposedly doing the Lord's work were/are allowed to continue unchecked. You can be guaranteed in Third World Countries, where the Catholic Church is the fastest growing church, that history is repeating itself and the little boys and girls will fall victim to the pedophiles in a collar and a frock that supposedly preach the word of God. Thank God in places like Australia, the abuse will no longer be as widespread. However, a nun recently said to me, that all these new Priests being imported from overseas have very little regard for Australia's Child Protection Laws! WTF??? Will the Catholic Church ever learn.

Recently, Catholic Education went into damage control when sexual abuse went unchecked in the Toowoomba Diocese. Damage control was put into place as this abuse happened here and now - not in the past - but now! But this was all it was - damage control. Is there endemic sexual abuse in Catholic Schools today? I very much doubt it! However, what concerns me is, that these institutions that live by the Catholic ethos of caring and sharing, are run by people who ultimately work to protect the Church not the child. How hypocritical is the Catholic Church, outlawing birth control and yet offering communion to the multitudes who practice it. Divorce is not recognized by the Catholic Church and yet it is fine to pay squillions to the Vatican to get an annulment. What happens to the children of this marriage that never existed? Are they now Bastards, illegitimate children from a non existent union? Why is homosexuality outlawed by the Church and yet it is perfectly fine for a Priest who has taken the Vow of Celebacy to rape and sodomize little boys? This 'fine' Institution makes me sick to my soul.

If the richest institution on Earth has a soul at all, it would practice the Christian ethos it preaches instead of the ethos it practices. Its ethos of fucking everything over, and sweeping it under the carpet is alive and well. And they wonder why their congregations are made up of a dwindling number of  ancient parishioners clutching their Rosary Beads. Pope Francis is a new hope that there will indeed be real change. I just hope he lives long enough to bring change to fruition and drag the Catholic Church into the real world. Maybe the stripping of The Vatican of its "State" status will be the beginning. We can only pray that the lawyers taking on this case have divine help on their side. The resistance from a church, that bought its "State" status from Mussolini in the Second World War with its loyalty to the fascist regime, means it will not give up this up lightly. The stripping of this status will make all the pedophile Priests that have been elevated to Cardinals open to extradition orders and able to face charges in the country of their crimes.

One of the true legacies of Australia's first woman Prime Minister is the Royal Commission into Institutional Child Abuse. It has for the first time allowed these horrifically damaged people a voice. The courage of those who's lives have been ruined is truly amazing, and I hope for some it brings a glimmer of hope and a little peace. It will never bring back those lost to suicide, the years lost to alcoholism and drug abuse, those who battle mental illness, those who have ended up in jail, and most importantly the innocence lost. We can never give these people back their childhoods and in many cases their lives. Without the Royal commission the Churches involved would never have come forward to acknowledge their involvement or the damage they have caused. It has made the Churches at least acknowledge that these crimes were perpetrated on their watch. The real test will be if real change results from the finding. Not just lip service, not just an apology so long as their is a confidentiality clause, but real change where the perpetrators are handed over to face the full force of the law and real, unconditional compensation is given to victims.

To the victims of such crimes, I admire your courage. I admire that you have made your way in life with all the dignity you could muster. May you begin to make peace with your place in the world, and find contentment in the knowledge that your story is finally being heard.

God bless!

Bitches Coz

Care Factor

Today's topic is care or caring! A topic to my way of thinking that, is not as simple as it sounds. How easy is it for us to say we care? But do we really?  We like to think that we do care, but it is not that simple. Caring is not just a temporary state - it is as constant as time. And therein lies the problem!

How many times do you/we say 'Take Care!' and really mean it? How many times do we actually follow through with the caring that we offer? Or is it simply a statement - I offered it - now you're on your own, care for yourself!

Sometimes, I think that is exactly what we mean, we don't have time to care for anyone but ourselves. Is it simply a throw away line like, 'How are you?' or worse, 'Have a nice day!' Do we take time for someone to reply to those one liners?  Or, do we merely throw them in to sound as though we are sweet and sincere?  Deep down, we don't want them to reply we just want them to let you keep on moving. Do we throw them in at the end of text messages because we really mean them or is it just a sign off without true meaning to make the text sound warm and fuzzy. How many of you have had the shopkeeper say to you have a nice day and wanted to shoot them coz you know that they really don't mean it. It's just a fill in line while they move to the next customer. Quite often, by the time you go to reply, they have already started serving the next customer and asked for their frequent shopper card. I for one am tired of the expressions - take care or, have a nice day. They roll off the tongue too easily without 'thought and sincerity' accompanying them.

This appearing to care is not restricted to individuals. How many times have you seen a news item of someone taking their own life? To their credit, the news bulletins broadcast such news in a dignified and respectful way only to finish the item with the throw away line of 'If anyone you know needs help, contact Beyond Blue.' Ok, that is that messy problem dealt with, lets move on! Maybe this is not their intention, but to me it says Ring1800don'tgiveashit! The other problem I have is with days like RUOK Day. I do not wish to denigrate this idea in any way, as it has been created with the best of intentions however,who does it really benefit?  In my workplace there are people who struggle with the 'Black Dog' every day and they hate the platitude of people, who basically don't give a shit, coming up to them and saying "Are you ok?' No, they are not ok, but no-one hangs around long enough to find out. The task has been completed, the general populace feels all warm and fuzzy cos they apparently care, and those that need the care are more marginalized than ever. I for one refuse to participate. I believe it is what you do every day that makes a difference - how you treat people. How you value them and love them.

These initiatives are well meaning but what can we do to become a truly caring society?  What can we do to make others realize that your 'Take Care!' or 'Are you ok?' is sincere and meaningful?   How can we say we care about a cause, simply pay it lip service, and not actually assign emotions and actions to substantiate our involvement? How do we get the ball rolling so others may genuinely take up the challenge of caring and paying it forward?

Grass Roots! Start at home, start caring for your family and friends, put yourself out there - with simple baby steps! (As a friend so often says about anything). Humble beginnings lead to great achievements! Take time to listen, to help out, to show true concern! No matter how simple your help is, it shows true generosity of the heart and time.  How many people do you reflect on and say when they have gone, 'I wish I could have done more!'  'I wish I had got to know them more!'

Don't let this happen to you. Assign yourself with emotion, a generosity of spirit, giving a little time and God knows it will pay off. Not only for yourself but to make that person or cause feel worthy. They in turn will pay it forward to benefit others, and follow your example. A little time well spent brings benefits beyond belief.

So start small, baby steps - when someone needs some caring, offer it.  Get your hands a little dirty, let them tag your ear a bit, let them cry on your shoulder. And humble beginnings will lead to great achievements.

Care for someone today, share some compassion and time and who knows you might not read of their obituary and say, I wish I had got to know them more.

Happy caring,

Bitchescoz