Patience is a Virtue #passwords #disability #privacy

Let's face it, I am not the most patient person in the world.  On a scale of 1-10, I would probably rate at around - hmmm let me think - 2!  However, to cut the queues I follow the protocols of procedure to lesson my angst in waiting.  For instance, in bank accounts I apply, and receive, the relevant ID logins and passwords to enable quick access. Or at least shorten the length of the 'We value our client's and you will be put through to a customer service operator ASAP!" statements, and the endless advertisements, reassuring me that I am in the hands of the Number 1 bank in the land.

These passwords and codes are to guarantee that your privacy, or security, is not breached in anyway. These automated voice banks promise you instant access to your accounts.  They clear the pathways for the operator with whom you finally speak. The operator no longer has to waste even more time mulling over whether you know your Great Aunties maiden name, who had 3 fathers, or the dog, that when they ask its name, you say an affectionate name, not the real thing, and bang, you're passing your toenail clippings down the line for DNA testing, to establish something you thought you had already established, when you logged in with those names and numbers.  

becomeabankteller.com

About 2 weeks ago, I decided as I passed my bank, that I would just go in and ask for a re-issue of a card in both our names as it expires while we are overseas.  To my surprise, the exercise was rather painless! She assured us that the reissued cards would arrive in the mail within 7 working days. 'Great,' we thought, 'I might physically go into the bank more often, as this seemed simpler and more efficient than I had imagined.'  Again, to my surprise in the mail came the new cards in 3 days. On looking at the shiny, new, virginal cards, I glanced at their beauty to see that the expiry date was the same. Thinking of human error, I decided to venture back to my bank rather than that phone call.  Again, quite painless, with the apology for her boss ticking the wrong box! All would be fixed and re-issue would be done again within 7 days.  Yes, in another 4 days, owing to weekend in between, the cards arrived again.  You guessed it - same expiry dates!!!!

On top of this, we decided that same day to do a bank transfer from our app to find, somehow, the limit (of our own money I might add) had been dropped remarkably.  I then ring the internet banking team with the usual protocols in place, ask to speak to a consultant. Then with the round of questions regarding my time of conception, my blood type, and sperm count, I was finally spoken to regarding reissue and the limit allowance.  She, then on looking into my profile, assured me that she would not be able to discuss unless my partner spoke on the phone to verify his existence and, maybe divulge his deceased father's brand of his first bicycle (remember he is Asian.)   I explained that my partner is deaf which would create a problem when speaking on the phone. I reminded her of the 3rd party disclosure we had agreed upon when opening the account in the first place.  After 1 hour and numerous discussions with her supervisors she accepted and assured me our limit had again been raised, along with following her step by step on my iMac to reinstate the original limit.

That night we decided to transfer some funds, only to be rejected again.  Oh bother I thought!!!!!  I rang the bank! After setting in the pass protocols was told that the consultants only work till 7 pm, thank you for your patience, and ring again in the morning after 9 am Eastern Standard Time.  To ease my lack of serenity I did partake in a few medicinal wines for comfort.  Next morning, I rang the bank, and again, was objected to the same scrutiny of privacy as the day before.  With already telling the consultant that this conversation might not be pretty, she accepted, and then advised that the quickest and most efficient way to deal with this was was to transfer my call to the bank who had done the reissue, so they may reissue again, as they would have our true signatures on file.  Two hours later, after being on hold, and listing my credibility and last ten transactions in order for security, I was spoken to by the original manager at the branch who assures me the re-re-reissue would transpire forthwith and the limit would be raised again post haste. Oh, and I forgot, 'Thank you for banking with the Number 1 bank in the land!' script.  

Ok my patience was tested.  I think I actually deserve some bonus queue jumps for it.  The point of the matter is, yes, I believe in national security and that some scammer does not access my account and spend my funds on Taliban subscriptions. But, and its a tough call when you have accounts in both names and singularly you can't access information unless both verify. (Though one had thought that that little password and passcode was the key to our account)  One can only imagine the plight my partner would have been in if I was not around or, he was making the inquiry as the deaf guy he is.  

archive.indianexpress.com

The question I am asking is, can these institutions think past the number crunching, and realize that some people cannot access in the way they propose for full visioned, full hearing, people?  Yes, it is fine to say that there are relay services for those with disabilities. But, can they also realize that we are all human and maybe need some easier methods to communicate.  With us for example, you have one hearing and one non hearing person trying to communicate. Neither can use the same service successfully especially if they are in joint names, without SMS's flying in with approval to speak or SMS's flying in to transfer. These SMS's, I might add, are on the very phone that is attached to the hearing persons ear speaking to the consultant at the time trying to verify himself.  You think I'm confused?? Put yourselves in the disabled person's shoes as they go through the conundrum on a daily basis.  Would it not be kinder to bring back some more personal assistance.  
 
These are my thoughts until next time stay safe, be kind to yourself, and to others, and keep in touch. Until then, I will go to try and transfer some funds, and make new friends, at the land's Number 1 Bank.

Cheers!

Bitchescoz
 
Contact: luke65mcbride@gmail.com

disabilities.uchicago.edu

Christmas Approaches #family #friendship #equality #festiveseason

As I have told you, we are off to Europe etc for a few months soon, and apart from the organising of travel and accommodation, all is sweet. There are no thoughts of stress and worry over the Christmas celebrations. We are going with three members of the family who are more friends than family and for the festivities we are meeting with dear friends. 

If you speak to most people single, straight, gay or indifferent, they all seem to have the angst of Christmas celebrations.  For a celebration that is meant to celebrate birth and new hope, it tends to give birth to anxiety, frustration, and fear of what may come of those days, spent together.  Strangely, most say that even though you may be around the corner, day in day out, from your family, the actual stress evolves from those that you see more regularly, than those you see only on special occasions.

This year we decided to take the leap and go it, with the ones that give us joy, the ones that you have no secrets from, those that have no hidden agenda, those that you feel safe and secure with.  Yes, you got it!  We chose these friends and they chose us!  Please God, make this be the best silly season we have ever experienced.  Make this a season of true spirit, true happiness, and true hope, for a better future.

No doubt there will be some pre-holiday jitters regarding Christmas presents and farewells to those we leave behind. But as we board that plane, those stresses will go in the cloud of dust that the plane leaves behind us.  I have always wondered why we put ourselves in these situations of stress, when basicall,y all involved are going through the same stresses as ourselves.  Each and everyone of us are feeling as we do, just from a different perspective.

Some may say that our decision to celebrate this Christmas with our immediate family and friends is selfish.  To those I say yes!  Yes, selfish to want to spend this season of rebirth with those from whom there is no hidden conversation, no worry of who should do this, or who should behave in a certain manner other than being yourself.

To those that believe that, I pray that your celebrations will go smoothly, stress free and will bring renewal to your life as intended traditionally.  For us, this will be a beginning of something new, something exciting, something that strays from the norm, but will hopefully take us into the New Year with a sense of purpose,  a sense of vigour and a true honesty to be who we are, and believe that we are all equal without agenda or secrets.

Friendship is a choice.  We all have acquaintance friendships but true friends are our choice to love, nurture, share the good times with the sad. Yes they are our chosen family. So this year we are celebrating in style, with family that have no barriers, no rules of protocol.  Our friendship family is one that lifts, fulfills, and brings life into our hearts. They give hope for a future of equality, and justice, for each and every being.

Throughout the course of our journeys we will share our experiences, our pics and ourselves along the way.  So stay in touch.  I love your emails.  Sharing and listening are the greatest gifts, I believe as it gives me a sense of unity with the world.

Until next time, stay safe, be kind to yourself and remember that alone we can move hills but together we can move mountains.

Cheers!

Bitchescoz

Contact: luke65mcbride@gmail.com

Diamonds are Forever #friendship #endurance #love

Diamonds have always been a thing of beauty, a thing of resilience. One of the hardest substances on Earth, they are one of nature's wonders. How can something so beautiful be so strong. They have been and still are symbols of status, a symbol of love - a gift of love. 
 

loyesdiamonds.ie

Diamonds in the rough are still a treasure and our friendships and love can easily be compared to diamonds. If we appreciate the beauty, the resilience, and the strength of love, the way we do of diamonds then, we are the richest people on earth.  

If we value our friendships, digging and persevering to find that sparkle is well worth it. Unlike diamonds, that love, that sparkle, exists even when not worn. It lives deep in our hearts and sparkles from within. It is something that has no monetary value, something that is priceless  Something that can only be valued by the people to whom you entrust your sparkle. A value that does not adjust to a financial index metre.  A value that will increase in worth for our duration, and if we share that love it will linger forever.  

Having said this, I believe that love and friendship is something worth mining.  No matter how dirty you get in the process, the result is priceless. The feeling is indescribable and, the benefits are beyond expression. The beauty of holding that love in your heart is worth the scrapes, worth time put in to seek that sparkle. And, once you have that sparkle, you ensure that you polish, preen, and keep it gleaming forever.  

The cutting of the diamond is as important as how we treat, and care for, our friendships and love. The better the cut the better the quality.  Therefore examine that rough love, treat it with respect, treat it with care. Look at each aspect of it and bring out that beauty, that sparkle. Gently grind back those rough, and sometimes hidden flaws, and and help them see the sparkle that they possess.  Let them see that diamonds are lovely as a solitaire but, when encrusted in a union of love, that solitaire will look simple compared to a setting interwoven with gold and other precious gems.  

I look at friendships of my own and some of my friends feel that they don't shine. They feel dull and lifeless at times, tarnished from what life dishes out. But, if we simply spend some time showing them their internal sparkle, they will look in the mirror and realize they are glorious, that they are a thing of beauty. Something that is priceless in ours  and others eyes.  Let's face it, quite often we get too busy to think beyond ourselves, and while we are preening our egos, we forget those that give us our sparkle in the first place.  

So I encourage you to mine for that sparkle, be mindful of its value, be conscious of the cutting. Develop the setting that is equally enjoyed and admired.  Polish with love often and treasure the beauty that sparkles within.  

Until next time, thanks for the emails, thanks for the encouragement, and thank you for spending time with me.  Stay safe, be kind to yourself and share the love and remember, life's diamonds are forever.  
Cheers!

Bitchescoz

Contact: luke65mcbride@gmail.com

 Diamonds are Forever -Shirley Bassey

 

Zippity Doo Dah #support #friendship #holidays

I little while back, I spoke to you regarding my best friend's fear to travel overseas.  I mentioned that even though her husband nagged her to accompany him, she would not go. Letting him go alone with his brother and sister in law. I had spoken with joy, that she had considered joining us at Christmas in Europe.  

As the time is creeping up on the silly season, I reminded her of her intentions about a week ago.  Her allergy to commitment to holidays, became so intense that, our text messages no longer needed ring tones but, a cardiac surgeon present.  At the mere mention, you could feel the pulse rate hammering through your fingers. If on the Richter scale, I believe that Europe was in evacuation mode.  

After many frosty nights texting too and fro, my friend finally admitted - one, she would not be joining us. And two, the only reason she does travel to us, is to work.  Yes, she has visited us numerous times before, but she was not coming only to see us, but to organize our home. To oversea the electrical work, to lay pavers, to stack my garage so that it was methodically laid out. To rearrange my pantry, to bring order to  my ever so tragic shoe collection.  Yes, my friend finally admitted, holidays were a waste of time if you were not doing something productive such as hard labor.  

Establishing this outcome was met with grace, gratitude and admiration for her work ethic, from me. Hmmmmm! It was also met with the wrath of a jilted gay boy!  Our phones became the battle field which two fighting drag queens could not imagine. (I might add my friend is as straight as the day is long but she fights like an alley cat)  I fight in a more subtle way.  I fight like an Ice Queen on speed. I fight with gusts of chilled wind, followed by daggers of ice. I fight, that anyone, not used to the perils of an ice excursion, may find themselves dangling dangerously on broken ice, awaiting their fall to a frozen death, of which only those who traveled on the Titanic, could possibly have knowledge and first hand experience.  My friend, on the other hand, has the strength of a pack horse, the head of a mule, the claws of a mountain lion and the subtlety of a sledge hammer.  Both going head to head is something only fans of Conan the Barbarian will have witnessed.  (I, by the way, I am not the evil warlord)  I am more Thor (ever so blonde, ever so cute, ever so galant) on a mission to rid the evils of my friends mind.  

After a week of playing jugular texting, and so forth, both became a little worse for wear.  Both became weary of a pending loss of friendship, and I, the loss of my boyhood if I swore at her one more time.  Yes I said, "Have it your own way", threw my tiara and handbag in the air and said "You like work so much, join us, and you may build bridges on our vacation."  In true gay boy style, knowing of my therapeutical powers, I walked away from the discussion, knowing very well my friend would not let me have the last say.  At this time, knowing my therapy was on the rise, I reached for my final thrust and she bowed, admitted defeat, and is joining us on our sojourn through Europe.  Her husband, now knowing that they are up up and away, will have his heart checked soon owing to the shock waves he is having throughout his surprised body.  

You may ask, 'What is the moral to this story?'  Simple!  Don't give up on friends.  Don't give up on caring.  Don't give up, even though the road gets tough. Outwit them with logic, wear them down.  Stab where you know, will most bring them to their knees.  Make them realize that it is for the good of others, for the good of the nation, for the good their health.  And just as they are teetering on the edge of the broken ice in the lake, offer them a lifeline, a solution. Promise them you will be their by their side for their journey.  Promise them. that you are proud of their prior convictions but, you would be even more proud, if their convictions included you and not the the rearranging of your fridge.  

I make light of this but seriously, I will be there for my friend.  I will be there with the refreshing water.  I will hold the paper bag for her to breathe her emotions into.  I know that this is a big step for her.  I know that this is a wonderful surprise for her husband.  I know that this step will benefit  both of them.  Yes there will be moments, but this is for her.  This is to give her some freedom, some fun, something to see, something to start afresh, without having to make allowance for her time away from home with the excuse of manual labor for others.  

I personally want her to see, that she is loved for her, not for what she does for others.  I want her to know, that I want to see her without the hammer in her hand.  I want to see her sitting back enjoying people's company, rather than having to prove herself in sweat. I want her to experience her, and I want to experience her, without her having to earn her holiday.  

So don't give up on friendship. It may get rough. It may be gut wrenching but, you chose this friend so don't choose to turn your back when the road gets a little hazardous. Just strap yourself in, and your fast and furious drive will turn to a gentle drive in the countryside with views beyond belief. And you will be singing zippity doo dah with me.  

Until next time, stay safe, keep the letters flowing in and love yourself, as well as others. You are worth it.  

Cheers!

Bitchescoz

Contact: luke65mcbride@gmail.com

Spring! #newbeginnings #newseasons #love

At last Spring has sprung!  Its time to break out the deck chairs, open those drapes, toss the cover rugs, wash everything in sight, make the house sparkle like the sun, open the bubbly stuff and, wish your partner cheers as you hand him the list of jobs which I have just mentioned.

Seriously, Spring is a beautiful time of the year where you can see, you can feel, and you can witness new birth, new beginnings. You see churches and chapels fill with well wishers for the couples venturing on new horizons. The beaches start filling again accompanied with the smell of the coconut oil wafting. The ice creameries peddle their latest spring flavour.  The bistros and the side walk cafe's start filling again with people, half clad, chomping on salads so as to rid themselves of the winter comfort food inches, that they have gained. The hair removal salons are packed to the rafters with men and women seeking their Amazons be turned to Brazilian wonders.

To me spring is a time of looking to a new future. It's a season of hope. It's a season of looking back briefly to the past, checking the things you have accomplished in those darker and colder times. Strategically deciding if the things of the past should indeed be left there and not revisited. Or, should they be refreshed, given a lick of paint, and viewed in a new light with renewed vigour.  Some things are unachievable and, we must not spend time on things we can't change.  Beating a dead mullet with a stick is not going to bring it back to life.  So move on, change your way of thinking! You can't change the past, if the past is embedded in stone.

So often, we try so hard to change things, that we get tied down. We forget to move forward, stumble on those embedded stones and, fail to reach for the rainbow that we sought to achieve in the first place.  I guess what I am saying is, that if we put the spring in our step, move forward, share the beauty that life has to offer and show the world in our own way, that we will move forward. Forward with love, with excitement, with hope, and a sense of belief that if we lead by a good example, those that knock and condemn, may respect, and accept, that a life spent with love, is far better than a life spent with negativity, inequality, and discrimination.

Let's celebrate together! Reach out, share new hope, share the growth of new beginnings.  Put the spring in our step and believe that love, can indeed, conquer all.  Grab a friend by the hand! Feel the summer breezes that are coming up from behind and, let the warmth that we share, carry us into a greater future.  To those in the Northern Hemisphere, observe the rainbow the falling leaves shed as the troubles of the past, and move forward, with your southern friends and enjoy a life of freedom and equality.

Till next time keep the emails coming in and take care as I propose a toast from my deck chair for a world of harmony.  Salute!

Cheers!

Bitchescoz

Contact: luke65mcbride@gmail.com

Giving Thanks! #manners #respect #leadingbyexample

Firstly, thanks for all the correspondence I have had for my last couple of blog posts. I usually leave the more controversial robust posts for my partner but this time they are mine. Blame the rain! 

 
Whilst on the subject of rain, the other day - and I must point out this was not my local shopping centre, which is rather friendly, rather urbane, and rather pleasant - I was visiting a shopping centre and, in front of me at the check out was this lady and her child. As you are aware, I wait so patiently and observe the goings on he he!  Back on track! The lady was being served at the checkout and she pulled a biscuit out of her handbag and to give to the child.  While the service attendant was waiting to receive her credit card, and I waiting in line so patiently, the woman was teasing the child with the biscuit, like a dog obedience trainer is to a Labrador puppy teaching it to sit and heel. However, the mother and the child became less than playful with the training technique, with the child screaming for the biscuit and the mother screaming for a thank you. Eventually, after what seemed the lifespan of the Queen Mother, both achieved their reward. However, the child received a very sore bottom (which I do not agree with by the way) and the mother got the 'Thank you', she so desired.  The lady snatched her credit card and receipt from the service attendant, stuffed the child into the trolley with another smack and scream. Then my turn came to be served with the checkout girl and myself just staring at each other, like two lost souls on a ship going to nowhere.

Not wishing to follow the woman, nor stalk her, I had three other shops that I needed to go to and, sure enough, there she was in front of the queue in two of the shops.  For my third errand I decided to hop in the car and go back to Pleasantville to finish my last one.

The point that I am making here is - this "woman of the demanding thank you", not once thanked the servers who proffered their services to her.  Not once, did she teach by example to her child, the courtesies which she so rigorously required.  Is it so hard to simply say, 'Thank you' to people?  Is it easier to demand, 'Thanks' than give it yourself.  I think not!  Yes the lady may have been having a tough day but is it necessary to use force for thanks?  What is this teaching the child?  Does this behaviour show them bullying is ok or, does it show that they can be bullied.  Either way, its  not the way I want my world to be.  

Surely, all of us must agree, that a simple thanks does not take much energy from our tanks. But, that simple thanks may encourage others to return it in kind, as well.  God knows the checkout operator may be having a tough day one day, jump the counter, and smack us for our lack of manners.  How would we handle that one?  Not well, I am prepared to swear on.   
Ok, we all get absentminded at times and forget manners. But, don't you agree that the simplicities of life can be as rewarding as ticker tape parade down your Main Street. I know at home for instance, just a snatch and snarl may not comfort me sleeping on the couch. Each and everyone of us deserve the right of thanks when it is due. So let's just show it more often and not beat it into someone who forgets, or is learning life's complexities.

These are my thoughts!  I hope you will keep writing in with your's and until next time take care! Always love each other, share a smile, share a shoulder, and share a kind thought for others.

Cheers!

Bitchescoz

Contact: luke65mcbride@gmail.com

One Voice! #catholicchurch #pedophilepriests #abuse

Firstly, I would like to thank all the people who emailed me and messaged me on Twitter supporting me with my last article.  I feel humbled that there are so many people who care for those like me, who have opened wounds, that for most, have been hidden for many years.  For many however, these wounds (and I cannot soften this term)  have taken them to sadder places.  Many have struggled in silence and will never have closure to their pain.  Many have borne a shame that was not of their doing, but the doing of those that are the weakest form of life - those that have been able to hide their sin behind closed doors of churches.  Those that sadly, to this day, are hidden, and lost in seas of red tape, by old men who would rather punish the victim than the criminal. 

These old men are no better than those that have perpetrated the crimes upon innocents.  These old men who only have faith in the money and power of churches.  These men who forget that the people are the Church, and without them, they will have no churches to govern, no money to live the lives to which they have become so accustomed.  These men who stand in their pulpits and preach the love of God and yet fail to show one glimmer of love and compassion for the ones who have suffered.  These old men who do not realize that the victims would, for the most, be happy with an apology. To have the guarantee that these crimes will never happen again, and if they do, these clergy should face the law as any other man or woman on Earth.  That these matters are of a civil nature, and not one, to be examined by men whose authority only acts to hide, and victimize, the truth of the innocent who already, for most, are God fearing people.

Why can't these old men see the suffering that the Catholic Church, itself, went through for decades before signing the Lateran Treaty in 1929.  These men of faith who were feared by people like Mussolini because he was afraid of the strength and power of a Church, back then, of 400 million people. Imagine, if Mussolini (whose own father loathed the Church) felt weak without the Catholic Church, how victims feel when they are confronted by teams of lawyers who support this Church.  Yet, these old men who know the strength of the Catholic Church, feel no compassion for their own who are already battle worn by criminals of the cloth. Yes, Pius XI signed that treaty with the fascists, and kept these men in the power positions that they still hold today.

I know for me, all I wanted was the apology and the blame being placed on the perpetrator not on me. I asked back then could he get help.  That help appeared to have been given in the form of a promotion. Help that kept him very comfortable till his death. Yes, you may say I am a little bitter. My retort to that is, 'I am' but, that in itself may have been smoothed many years ago with a little compassion and respect for me as the victim.

For most of us, we ask nothing but understanding, for what we went through.  We do not want to destroy the Church. However, we want the Catholic Church to know that it is made up of humans who are not without sin.  We acknowledge that, so why is it so hard for these old men to just admit that they, and the clergy, are not born of the Virgin Mary but human like the rest of us. We just want these old men to believe their own preaching that the Church is of love, compassion, and healing.

So today, I just ask the Church to believe in their healing. However, firstly they must examine the wounds of the past, apply compassion, offer comfort, and maybe add some additional bandages (for those who seek compensation) but above all share the love, that Christ himself died for on the cross. Don't turn your anger on the victims! In return, you will gain a very mighty Church that is made up of people, of  'One Voice', in an unending hymn of love and faith.

Keep the emails rolling in and I hope that everyone stays safe until next time we talk.

Cheers!

Bitchescoz

Contact: luke65mcbride@gmail.com

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