Shaping a Future! #nurture #frailty #hope #resilience

When we are children we believe that adults are all-knowing, we think they are infallible. We trust them implicitly not knowing they too are simply human beings. It is this trust that makes us vulnerable to their weaknesses, whether their moulding of our minds is intentional or not. Being a parent is not an easy task but it is one of the most important and probably the one role in life for which we are least qualified. This is especially true today where families of one or two is the norm and children grow up isolated from extended families. In the old days just about every child carried a toddler on their hip as they played in the street and so their parenting and nurturing lessons began very early in life.

That is not to say the most nurturing of parents do not have their foibles and weaknesses. We all know fathers who work long hours and spend more time with their work colleagues than their families. There parents who have been to war and find solace in a bottle. Others trapped in very unhappy unions which have devastating consequences for all involved. It is the circumstances of our parents that make us the adult we become. Fear of stepping into the world of business as a result of a childhood of worrying if the bank would fore close on your parents financial interests, thus making you homeless. Having a house full of unfolded washing making you anal about each item of clothing having its place! Seeing your Mother parked in a corner at the rare social gathering you attended, while your father was the life and soul of the party! These may seem trivial now, but in the eyes of a child they become etched into your psyche making you the adult you are today.

Others have much bigger fish to fry! Their childhoods are one of abuse, sometimes in all forms - verbal, emotional, physical and sexual. Many (sadly not all) rise above this to become reasonably well adjusted adults. Though the scars are still there. Many times they are buried deep within, but they are definitely responsible for the adult we become. What gives these parents the right to inflict such misery on the little person in their lives. These parents actually do not have any rights. They have responsibilities in which, they are sadly lacking. But, they lost their rights as parents the minute the abuse began. The fact that these children battle through often in silence is testimony to the resilience of the human spirit. They grow into adults in spite of their parents. Some rise above their circumstances to live good lives, some are irreversibly broken, some take their own lives and others become abusers themselves.

As parents, their is no excuse for the bad treatment of our children. They did not ask to be conceived. They did not ask to be carried in the womb for nine months to be spat out into a life of hell. This life of hell has no class barriers. It is universal across all ares of society - just the rich have more means and resources at their disposal to make sure the claims of abuse never see the light of day.

The innocence of the child is such a thing of beauty that it deserves only to be nourished, to be encouraged, to be explored, to make them into the very best human being that they possibly can be. They need to be given, not only their wings, but the license to fly! They deserve to lead their life, their way. They are not creatures made in our image so we can live our own hopes and dreams through them. Why punish them because they choose a different path?

As adults we are made train for most other tasks we undertake. We are made get a license to drive a car, a qualification for our profession, permits to build houses and the list goes on. But one night of unbridled passion, one time of fumbled sex, one act of rape and a life can be conceived. A life that we as adults will shape without one ounce of experience. Considering that this is the case a lot of adults manage to become reasonable parents, some manage to be great parents and others fail miserably. Governments try their best to protect children, but the system still fails the vulnerable in many cases. A lot has been gained, but their are still many lessons to be learned.

Most importantly, we as family, as community and as a people need to recognize the need for love and nurture does not end with childhood. It is ongoing and lifelong. If we care for, nurture, and show true compassion to all men, especially the vulnerable amongst us, then we will see them heal. We will allow them to fly in the manner they were destined, when they took their first gasp as they were bundled into the world.

Look around you. Do not judge anyone until you have walked in their shoes. Take time to get to truly know your friends. Do not brush aside their vulnerabilities, care for them, nurture them! Believe me - it is one hundred percent worth it. It is definitely a 'pay it forward' situation. Everybody wins!

Cheers

Bitches Coz! 

Contact: luke65mcbride@gmail.com

Everything Old is New Again #family #nurturing #grandparents

A couple of days ago, I was talking to friends of mine who are having troubles financially, and physically, balancing their schedules, finances, and family, with their heavy work loads. They are above the income threshold for childcare assistance.

They are indeed fortunate that their earning capacity is high. However, they still find it difficult to save, to spend time with their immediate family, and their extended family of parents.  They juggle their work commitments so they can pick up, and drop off, kids to

daycare.  When they are finally home, they run out of steam!  The projects at home are influenced by money, and commitments to both their children, and their respective parents.  Quite often, leaving them the drudgery of the general running of the household and day to day maintenance ie. cooking, cleaning, mowing, ironing etc.  All these things need to be done but, there is very little time spent doing things that give them pleasure as a family and indeed, as a couple.  

Firstly, I asked of them were their parents active? Do they get along well with their parents? Do the children enjoy the grandparent's company?  Do the grandparents live within close proximity to work or home?  The above boxes were ticked with a favourable- Yes!

Ok, I am gay and have no children to pick up and drop off and I realize that not all families do have all boxes ticked, like this couple.  But, to me an obvious question is, 'Why don't they utilize at least one of the problems they are having trouble to organize?'  The problem that is giving their parents quality time with the grandchildren and, indeed allowing themselves time that is not so rushed with their own parents.  

I think from time to time, we think that parents are beyond their use by dates! Maybe, we think that they deserve their time alone - this is their time!  So, why do you hear parents complaining that they never or hardly ever get to see their kids and grandkids?  It is a discussion every time you enter the waiting rooms of doctors surgeries.  Quite honestly, I feel sometimes these people go to the doctor so frequently because it is an outing.  Seems to be, there is nothing they need to be home for. Slanted and judgemental I know, but my pool man who is 75 says its like God's waiting room.  He says all he and his wife have to think of is their food and then go to the doctor to see what may affect them after eating it.  

Yes I am extreme, but, taking on board what my old friend  the pool man has said, and what this couple have discussed, I see a simple solution to their dilemma that may be rewarding both financially and physically.  

Yes children learn a lot from day care etcetera but, they will certainly learn from these elderly statesmen and women as well.  I believe the oldies have a lot to offer, and in turn, the children can teach these old dogs new tricks as well.  A learning curve that is beneficial to all concerned.  Most of these statesmen and women are conquering social media through necessity to keep in touch, and who better, than the younger generation to help them - these children who seem to have been born with a keypad in their grip. And these older citizens who were environmentally friendly before the word became a key phrase and catch cry can give some knowledge how to sew a hem; fix a button; build a kite; how to grow your own vegies; make the best God damn apple pie out of nothing!  And have never had to open Google to do so.

The children's parents benefit too, financially and physically! They don't need to run like mad hatters fitting in to schedules and closing times. They get to see their parents for longer when they pick up the kids or the grandparents drop them home. Thus leaving them more time for things they want to do on their precious weekends.

To me it is a win/win.  If you are confident with the grandparents and the grandparents are confident with the arrangements just go for it. Life will become much better, and who knows, your kids may teach you how to make the best God damn apple pie there is.

My thoughts!

Cheers!

Bitchescoz

Contact: luke65mcbride@gmail.com
 

Everything Old is New Again - Peter Allen

Heading in the Right Direction #love #inspiration #appreciation

Keeping up appearances is something we all do.  When we are going for the big night out - the dinner; the job interview to impress; the power meeting to sell our wares; the school and University reunions - we want to look our best.  For these times we preen, fluff, change our clothes a million times, (ok that maybe a gay thing) check the mirror to see if we will impress.

When we are at home or among friends, family and loved ones, we tend to let our guard down, chill a little, let them see us warts and all.  We tend to blend in with the furniture and our loved ones tend to be as comfy as the warm throw on the couch.  We use this comfort to keep us warm and snuggly, and feel safe, knowing that it's always there when we need it.
 

The lyricist and jazz great, Renee Geyer, wrote and sang 'Am I heading in the right direction for your loving  and affection?'  She also said, 'Day to day, I hope and pray, that this feeling is really going to grow!' So, I guess we do have to do a few things to keep it growing.  Like that little pot of glorious colour that we take for granted sitting by our front porch. It needs water, some added nutrient, and some gentle nurturing to keep it alive, and blooming, for years to come.  It's lovely to see it there! It's easy to take for granted that, it will always be there. However, we need to give it some attention, not just use it as a lovely background for our happy pics for our photo album.  We need to bring it inside every so often - show it off a little, not just leave it outside and walk past it.  Put it slap, right bang in the middle of our dining table! Show those around you and bring its glory into the lives of others. Talk to it, say 'God you look ravishing!' (Oh God I sound like Prince Charles talking to nature or, is that Princess Luke?)

I guess, what I am saying here is, it's nice to feel all warm, cozy and contented, knowing that our loved ones are there, and we don't need to impress.  But, just as we dress to impress for the big occasions, we have to preen ourselves a little every now and again, to let others feel that they are as high on the agenda as that big job interview. They are our life blood. They are important to us. They need to know that we care! That we will go out of our way to show them how much we love them and, appreciate them in our lives.
So, cook up a storm! Invite friends and family over, pick a few flowers from your garden, and say 'Thanks' every so often.  Rub your partner on the shoulder and say thanks and I love you.  Home make your child's birthday cake (even if it doesn't look a bit like the Jamie Oliver original).  Show them you care and that they are special in your life.  Send a few random texts to your friends and let them know you are thinking of them.

These are my thoughts and if I give of myself a little, it has a domino effect and encourages them to do the same and then we will be 'Heading in the Right Direction.'

Cheers!

Bitches Coz

Contact: luke65mcbride@gmail.com

A Kettle Watched! #inspiration #dreams #passion

Today I was catching up on my Facebook and watched a video sent by a friend. This video has gone viral - well in our little Facebook world it's viral. I watched this quite large dude dancing in a competition and immediately thought 'What the???' Then you get into it and see this dude is really great. He is doing something he cares for and has great passion for. - a real 'feel good moment' and immediately your finger starts hovering over the 'like' and 'share' symbols.

At this time you think to yourself - yeah! This guy is out there achieving his dreams! He is not sitting back watching the kettle boil.  This guy is steaming himself! He is not going to sit back and make his wish list, of what he could have done, longer than his list of dreams fulfilled. As the late and great Maya Angelou wrote 'Nothing can dim the light which shines from within!'  This guy shines.  This guy makes you believe that you can achieve, no matter what.  You have to believe in yourself and make it happen.

Yes, it is all well and good to watch the kettle boil and dream of the nice warm cuppa. But, be careful - it may boil dry in front of your very eyes. While waiting get your ingredients prepared.  Add a spoon full of passion, a teaspoon of love and a few grains of determination to your blend.  While your mixing, ring a few friends and invite them over to share your bounty.  Together you may very well share common ground and encourage others to develop a blend that inspires, teases, and tempts them to achieve dreams. Dreams they may previously regretted not brewing! 

At this moment I think to myself, don't just sit here with your finger hovering over the 'like' symbol. Achieve some dreams I have of my own.  Listen to some others and encourage them to get their bucket list active.  Listen to my partner, help him achieve more dreams. (God knows I could learn heaps from what he has achieved, being deaf and overcoming a disability, to inspire others)

So join with me, back away from the desk and get out there follow your dreams, encourage others to achieve despite disability, fear of discrimination and barriers.

Learn to love yourself a little.  Help others to love themselves.

Cheers

Bitchesco