Don't Touch my Bike Seat! #share #payitforward #love

Quite often we complain our heads off, that our loved ones don't take any notice of us, or, don't show interest in what we do.  When they do, we must learn to be gracious and thankful that they do.

For instance the other day I wrote my piece on 'Roses are Red'  not thinking for a moment that he, my partner, would read, let alone comment on, my reflections.  He showed a positive reaction that only was fit for a queen and the subtleties were beyond imagination.

It all started with his caring and concern for my needs while hunched over my iPad writing. The coffee, and the hot chocolate just appeared beside me, as if we had imported a top waiter from one of the finest dining establishments in Europe. The canapés appeared as fast as they came out of the oven.  His positive vibes were encouraging and up lifting.  My best friend phoned a few times to inquire of my day, and I began to smell a rat as to why she kept the inquiry up!  Why she quizzically hinted how great it is that partners were so thoughtful!  And was mine?  As I am sooooo non conspiratorial, I just agreed and kept on agreeing that owing to the latest developments I was indeed blessed.  

news.com.au

 
Late in the afternoon we went on our usual sojourn to the shops and suddenly my suspicions which others possess (usually not I, he he) surfaced.  Each time my 'just in case' items appeared in the trolley, they stayed!  No Houdini fairy acts today I thought.  We approached the checkout and there I was thinking I was home clear when, he suddenly needed a tinkle, leaving me to pick up the tab. Leaving the supermarket and spying some nice fashion statements, I ask him of his lotto ticket obsession, considering he had already just pulled one of my favourite tricks just before.  But no, he said, 'No need for lotto today, I purchased on line.'  Something I had never experienced before. But ok, I thought and we pushed the trolley to the car with the 'just in case', the regular, and his bargain items. This was fast becoming a strange turn of events.

We arrived home, trundled the purchases into the house and suddenly he said, 'Going for a ride, you care to join?'.  I said not at the moment but would catch him up in a while after I packed his 10 packs of bargain 'kleenex' in an appropriate space along with my 'just in cases'.  I then raced to the bedroom to deck myself out in the new sports clothes I had bought a few days earlier while he was having his trickle.  Thought how fab I looked and proceeded to the garage to my bike to meet him at our rendezvous point.

Right then and there the penny dropped -  my best friend's quiz, his over concern, his trickle at the checkout, buying the lotto on line.  Those pennies dropped, like a coin vending machine before my very eyes, when I looked at my bike with the seat missing completely.  The language of compassion flowed through my mind and out of my lips that I am sure he would hear even though he be deaf and kilometres from home.

When he arrived home his care was astounding as to why I had not joined him.  I just said to him that my seat had fallen off my bike and I must have misplaced it last time I rode.  His little look of the executioner appeared and he said that, I still should have joined him, as my new clothes and myself would have fitted snugly on the bike! Then he uttered his final word of, 'touché'.

Ok we settled the problem discretely. The bike seat was re-attached and all was forgiven so we moved on.

The moral to the story is, with those around us we should be true, non secretive and open to each other. Only then can we really know the depth of love. Only then can they be open and loving to us. Above all, that love should accept, appreciate, share, and forgive each other for both our flaws and our potential.

Ok, now that I have established the seed of forgiveness with him, and have assured him, I will not send him to trickle or, encourage his lotto penchant, he has given me a great idea that is much more discreet. I have his credit card in hand, and I'm off to the computer to browse some online fashion stores :) 

Until next time, keep safe!

Cheers!

Bitchescoz

Conctact: luke65mcbride@gmail.com 

Reach Out and Touch #caring #compassion #isolation

In the last few days we have witnessed the horror of a plane being shot down, completely destroyed, along with the lives of hundreds of great people.  To the families and friends of those lost, we hold up our prayers for you, and yours, in your time of mourning and for the beyond.Losing someone to wreckage is a very difficult time as you do not have the chance to walk with them through their journey.  You don't have time to plan beyond.  And if there was unrest between you, there is no time for a joint settlement and peace.
 

quotesvalley.com

How easy is it, to be here today and gone tomorrow?  None of us, can afford to leave the opportunity to reach out and touch the lives of others while they are still here. We must offer support and walk with them through their journey.  Not one of us is privy to the time when we will finally close our eyes. Once the window of opportunity has closed, there is no second chance, no second take. This is not a dress rehearsal. What we have, is what we've got!  It takes very little, to show someone care and compassion.  It is so easy to touch someone and show that you are there. It's easy to let others feel the warm breath of comfort.  However, once that chance has gone, there is no turning back the clock.   

Recently, I wrote a post on the blog about following someone, as they follow you, on social media.  I spoke of heads of churches, and aid organizations, having followers by the millions but, these people rarely follow back.  I have spoken of prevention and caring before so, I wrote to one of the agencies that offers help to people with emotional difficulties.  I asked why they don't follow people back.  The answer I received was, they don't have the facilities nor the manning capabilities to follow back.  A fair call I guess! But, I cannot understand why that question could be answered with such haste, while that same person could merely click the follow button on their screen for those people, who actually follow them. The number of emails I received in agreement with my question was amazing.  There were people from all walks of life and personal circumstances, most of whom never needed the services, but nonetheless agreed with what I had said.

This is where I say - that 'follow', that 'like', that 'touch' - may prevent someone from doing something from which they cannot turn back.  That 'follow', that 'like', that 'touch', allows people the thought that someone is there. It allows the people who may be contemplating something life changing, or God forbid, life threatening to realize that these organizations are made up of humans. Caring people, and not robots, who only care for numbers rather than people. People that they are espousing should care for their fellow man.

I said that there were people like myself, who would volunteer to press those 'follow' buttons, so that these people would feel that someone was there with them.  The second response to this comment was that it would be passed on to the appropriate leaders, and they would look into it.

My problem with most people who say, 'We will look into it' are quite often, only looking into a mirror at their own reflection. Obviously, never contemplating the needs of those around them and the benefits, that 'follow', that 'like', that 'touch' may bring.  Quite often these same people only care how much it may effect their work load or their lifestyle.  Yes, it is ok for these people, for when and if the time comes for one of their own, they have myriad's of helpers at their fingertips to help 'their' needy.  God help those, that may have only needed that breath of comfort of knowing, they were being 'followed'.

All I am asking that we who were born naked (not those that were born with that silver spoon) reach out and touch someone else's life, before it is indeed, too late.

Write in more and lets discuss this - maybe together we can encourage others to care more.

Cheers!

Bitchescoz

Contact: luke65mcbride@gmail.com 

Reach out and Touch Somebody - Diana Ross

You are not alone! #caring #hope #compassion

For the last week or so I have had a friend stay with us and she suffers from cold urticaria (basically hives) that causes skin irritation and gets very itchy when exposed to the cold.  I only just recently found out this condition so I read up on the prevention methods of it.  I knew she was coming into our winter and I did not want to see her scratch away.

Google is a great source for those who would like a basic knowledge of things so my fingers did the clicking away.  I read up on doctors forums etc and found that one basic fix was prevention. So my partner and I decided to hit the shops.  Another past time of mine so it was no big deal.  We searched for warm clothing, boots, gloves, hot water bottles anything that was out there for prevention we swiped our cards so as not to let them catch this dreaded condition.  Before she arrived we ask her to check her medications etc and sure enough she changed those and all started to correct itself.  She works in air conditioning that is set by her bosses to freeze an expression off a Cheshire Cat.  We asked her to rug up in there and to her amazement the itches subsided.

When she arrived here we handed her a  fluffy dressing gown, warm slippers and yes she resembled a purple Eskimo but no scratching.  We cranked up the central heating and I persuaded her (ok nagged) to follow through with our preventative measures.  Gay boys learned many years ago that covering up was the only prevention to stopping a formidable itch so to speak.  Apart from an occasional scratch, that was borne out of stubbornness not  to conform, and not to cover her load, she came to the conclusion that we were right.  Of course, I said and would proceed in my distribution of prevention.
This friend of mine is a great doer but never for herself.  In the past few years she has only started to get away from her comfort zone of home and work and has had quite a few trips to here.  Other than that, she does not venture anywhere.  Her husband went on a holiday to Europe but, alas he went with his family.  She stayed snug in her cocoon.  My partner and myself are heading for Europe at Christmas. We were hoping she would join us, and from that moment, the barriers came to the front of conversations. Oh its cold there she would say!  My response, "Buy warmer clothes'. They do have central heating you know. We got past that and then the truth started festering like irritations on her skin. This woman is scared to leave her comfort zone.

Yes, we discussed quite heatedly sometimes which is great for a person in her condition.  Stops hives before the cold even sets in.  This is a problem she wants to fix also but has never had anyone stop and help her before.  Everyone until me (oops) has let her fix their problems and forgotten hers.
This topic bears discussion.  Do we take time for others?  Do we look beyond our noses to see others need some nurturing no matter what the age?  Yes she is somewhere between 40 and death but doesn't she deserve some excitement of her own.  Doesn't she deserve to be the receiver and not the giver?

We all must learn to look around us.  There are people out there that need help.  People in our own families, friends, children.  Unless we offer help, these people will never leave that cocoon.  Yes, some people want to live like Greta Garbo and 'want to be alone'  but some have no choice because no one has taken the time to inquire.  With some people it might take a little time to set them free, but surely everyone is entitled to a little gentle push, a caring hand.  Or you may like to borrow my little gay nagging outfit.  Either way, try the rewards can be a win, win.

These are my thoughts on the matter, drop us a line and give us your thoughts.  I enjoy the debate.  All those who do email us know that this world is a far better place together than being separated and it scratches your itch too.

Let your friends and family know 'You are not alone'

Cheers!

Bitchescoz

Contact: luke65mcbride@gmail.com

Shaping a Future! #nurture #frailty #hope #resilience

When we are children we believe that adults are all-knowing, we think they are infallible. We trust them implicitly not knowing they too are simply human beings. It is this trust that makes us vulnerable to their weaknesses, whether their moulding of our minds is intentional or not. Being a parent is not an easy task but it is one of the most important and probably the one role in life for which we are least qualified. This is especially true today where families of one or two is the norm and children grow up isolated from extended families. In the old days just about every child carried a toddler on their hip as they played in the street and so their parenting and nurturing lessons began very early in life.

That is not to say the most nurturing of parents do not have their foibles and weaknesses. We all know fathers who work long hours and spend more time with their work colleagues than their families. There parents who have been to war and find solace in a bottle. Others trapped in very unhappy unions which have devastating consequences for all involved. It is the circumstances of our parents that make us the adult we become. Fear of stepping into the world of business as a result of a childhood of worrying if the bank would fore close on your parents financial interests, thus making you homeless. Having a house full of unfolded washing making you anal about each item of clothing having its place! Seeing your Mother parked in a corner at the rare social gathering you attended, while your father was the life and soul of the party! These may seem trivial now, but in the eyes of a child they become etched into your psyche making you the adult you are today.

Others have much bigger fish to fry! Their childhoods are one of abuse, sometimes in all forms - verbal, emotional, physical and sexual. Many (sadly not all) rise above this to become reasonably well adjusted adults. Though the scars are still there. Many times they are buried deep within, but they are definitely responsible for the adult we become. What gives these parents the right to inflict such misery on the little person in their lives. These parents actually do not have any rights. They have responsibilities in which, they are sadly lacking. But, they lost their rights as parents the minute the abuse began. The fact that these children battle through often in silence is testimony to the resilience of the human spirit. They grow into adults in spite of their parents. Some rise above their circumstances to live good lives, some are irreversibly broken, some take their own lives and others become abusers themselves.

As parents, their is no excuse for the bad treatment of our children. They did not ask to be conceived. They did not ask to be carried in the womb for nine months to be spat out into a life of hell. This life of hell has no class barriers. It is universal across all ares of society - just the rich have more means and resources at their disposal to make sure the claims of abuse never see the light of day.

The innocence of the child is such a thing of beauty that it deserves only to be nourished, to be encouraged, to be explored, to make them into the very best human being that they possibly can be. They need to be given, not only their wings, but the license to fly! They deserve to lead their life, their way. They are not creatures made in our image so we can live our own hopes and dreams through them. Why punish them because they choose a different path?

As adults we are made train for most other tasks we undertake. We are made get a license to drive a car, a qualification for our profession, permits to build houses and the list goes on. But one night of unbridled passion, one time of fumbled sex, one act of rape and a life can be conceived. A life that we as adults will shape without one ounce of experience. Considering that this is the case a lot of adults manage to become reasonable parents, some manage to be great parents and others fail miserably. Governments try their best to protect children, but the system still fails the vulnerable in many cases. A lot has been gained, but their are still many lessons to be learned.

Most importantly, we as family, as community and as a people need to recognize the need for love and nurture does not end with childhood. It is ongoing and lifelong. If we care for, nurture, and show true compassion to all men, especially the vulnerable amongst us, then we will see them heal. We will allow them to fly in the manner they were destined, when they took their first gasp as they were bundled into the world.

Look around you. Do not judge anyone until you have walked in their shoes. Take time to get to truly know your friends. Do not brush aside their vulnerabilities, care for them, nurture them! Believe me - it is one hundred percent worth it. It is definitely a 'pay it forward' situation. Everybody wins!

Cheers

Bitches Coz! 

Contact: luke65mcbride@gmail.com

In the Arms of an Angel! #angel #compassion #love #forgiveness

Last night I was talking with  my dearest friend and she had said how she was doing a bit for a new found friend. She did not say she was busy, she did not say she was stressed. She did not say I am needed elsewhere so haven't got time for you. She simply said she was doing a bit for her friend. This person is ever humble in her concern, her help, her care for her fellow man.  She sees something needs doing and she ploughs right in and does it. There is self sacrifice without self involved. 

Her friend moved to the area for a new beginning, many miles from her former home. Started life anew. New friends, new job, new goals and new dreams. Everything was moving ahead with her life and those that gave her strength in her new start.  Suddenly from nowhere comes the news that she has a serious illness with a not so good prognosis. Every so often I attend funerals and you hear some crying buckets of tears, crying the loudest. They are also the ones crying, 'I had no idea he/she was even sick'.  I ask myself why?  Why did they not know?  When did they last make contact?  When did they stretch out their hand to help?  Why are they even attending this persons celebration of life?  

We all attend funerals and we all mourn for that person.  But can we honestly say we cared.  Did we offer support for the person or those around them. Yes it is nice to release the tears and show others our loss.  But did we have anything to lose?  When we meet in another life, will that person even recognize us or simply pass us by.  The same way we passed them by in their hour of need.  

My friend is one of these people that no one will ever pass by in another life.  My friend takes everyone on her wing.  I did not say under her wing.  My friend puts them and everyone around on her wing and gives them vision, gives them strength, gives them faith that they can handle these difficult times.  Putting under her wing would smother them.  No my friend lifts them so they can see clearly and helps to guide them.  Quite often she is seen as pragmatist.  Yes, she is, but in one of the kindest ways I could only try to achieve. She offers help. She gives it. But if not required, she steps back and allows that person to believe, and know, that they can achieve without assistance.  Giving everyone the knowledge that even in weakness we can achieve. They can lead, even from behind, whatever curve ball we have been passed.  

I know what I want to be to those around me. I don't want to be one of those crying, when I never built a true friendship, to really know the feeling of loss.  I want to be able, in good times and in bad, to show and share with  my friends, and family, that there is dignity in every stage of life and no one can take that dignity without our permission.  

Yes I want to strive to take my loved ones on my wing, not smother, but to help and guide them in good times and in bad.  But, when they face that stark cold hotel room of life, I want to help  them.  I want to help them make their fears empty and weightless, and deliver them into the arms of a true angel, where they may find some comfort.

My thoughts!

Cheers!

Bitchescoz  

Contact: luke65mcbride@gmail.com

crystalangels,org.uk

What a Wonderful World #gardening #flowers #joy

Being Saturday, and having had a big week, I decided it was time to do to do some of the things I like to do. My pleasures are simple but, I love music, singing and gardening.  So today, I thought was, me time! I would get into the garden and do some long overdue pruning, weeding and replanting.
 
Life can be rather hectic but, I knew it needed attention. So firstly I raced to the nursery bought some new seedlings then hurried back for some me time.  Got home, dressed in my jungle gear, grabbed my headsets, iPhone, and trusty secateurs and vigorously assaulted the wilderness, I call my garden. 

I believe that we all need, and should encourage others, to just have some down time, simply to enjoy the things that we want.  It can be vigorous or, it can simply be just reading the novel that you don't get time to read, in the hurried world.  Whatever floats your boat, go for it!
 
I find my solitude in the garden! I turn up the volume in the headset, listen to some stuff that no one else wants to hear, and transform everything back to the way I like it.  I find it a way of re-charging my batteries and by the end, I am definitely singing 'What a Wonderful World'.  And hopefully, haven't annoyed the neighbours with my rendition!
 
Whether it be gardening, playing the piano, painting or reading a book, I feel we all need down time. We race around trying to please everyone else, and it's time we please ourselves for a little while. Gardening for me gives me a little workout, a little thinking time, and a little bit of sunshine which I love. Piano and reading can float you to a world of escapism for those times where you don't want, or need, to think of the harsh realities that the world will bring, once you step from your little sanctuary of choice.
 
The old saying -'You must stop and smell the roses' - when done, really does put your life back into perspective. Even if, only for your time of the escape! 

Trust me, do it, and don't feel guilty for that little time of selfishness. We all need it!  Yes, your thoughts will go back and forth of the things that are worrying, or need your attention, but somehow time out brings it all together. It gives some grounding for what you are going back to. And, the end of the day everything will seem much clearer and give you strength.

Pre-warn your family that you are having time to yourself. Encourage them to do the same from time to time, so they too, may learn to cope with what the world serves us.  God knows they will love you more for your honesty, and that. you return to them with a renewed gusto and positive thoughts and they too may sing 'What a wonderful world.'
 
Cheers!

Bitches Coz

Contact: luke65mcbride@gmail.com
 

Till Hell Freezes Over! #lgbti, #gayboys #gayfun

Every now and again, we all wake on the wrong side of the bed (not for the reasons you are thinking) and a little grumpy. (Not me of course!  Coz - I may have emitted in previous writings that I am perfect, he he.)  Yes, we all have emotions that come and go and, sometimes it is best to be left alone for a while, while you get over it.  However, I feel it is better to slap up the 'do not disturb' sign to give yourself time to sort through it, rather than not telling those around you, you want 'me' time.  Not everyone is a mind reader! (Again, one of my forte's best not mentioned is that I may have a bent for reading too much into it.) But let's talk about someone else for a while.  Let's talk about those who aren't as gifted as moi.

Having established that you want to be alone for a while, allows others to get their thought processes in swing.  It allows them to know that it will pass. It is just a process you need to go through at your own pace.  It allows them, if they are spirited thinkers, to develop strategies as to why you got into that space in the first place. If they realize they were the catapult for your 'me' time, they can get their excuses and defense ready, before you fire the first shot as to why they got you there in the first place.

If you are not following me at the moment, this is how my partner and I were this morning. Simply by communicating our feelings we could have avoided an afternoon of our game of 'guilt ball'.  For those who don't know, 'guilt ball' is a game where the Ice Princess defends her castle from any intrusion. Prince Grumpy may have avoided this game, if only he had erected the 'do not disturb' sign before he tried to enter her realm.  Sort of like a game of ice hockey but (after his quiet treatment without explanation) his puck would be battled and never enter the goal posts until he developed a better game plan.

Therefore, for those who do not  want a game of 'guilt ball'  communicate your feelings to those you love. Get your game plan into action.  Advise the other team of your delay of game, don't risk a face-off, don't risk the penalty of game misconduct.  If your plan is not to communicate your game plan, then place your jock firmly in place. Know that your biscuit may never enter the breezers and you may face a penalty that is butt ending, forfeiting your game for a very long cold season.

Life is a game we all play, despite my attempt to block  the other players goal, we all must play a part in the game.  A game of ice solitaire can be a rather useless, time wasting sport.  In my way of thinking a team of either two or more can give you more satisfaction if the game is played with great sportsman etiquette and  camaraderie.

Not for one minute am I saying that communication solves all problems quickly.  It can be a very long game.  But until it is solved a little frost bite doesn't hurt anyone, as long as when the game is played you unite as one in the club room and supply some warming cream and a tip or two for the next game.

Cheers

Bitchescoz

Come Little Children

With the Royal Commission into the Institutional Abuse of Children in Australia still underway, maybe, it is time to have a look at how these institutions are choosing to deal with the ramifications from the heartbreaking evidence being presented to the Commission. Oh, there will be measures that will be seen to be done, but will the culture that forms the basis of the institution actually change? I don't think so! No, I know so!

The abuse within the Catholic Church is as entrenched as it is endemic. It occurs worldwide, and the weak and the vulnerable, they are supposed to protect, are laid bare at the alter, sacrificed to some deviate Priest or Brother. The abuse has occurred since the very beginning of the Church and continues today. With the installation of Pope Francis there is a glimmer of hope as this gentle, humble man seeks to reconnect the arrogant Catholic Church with its parishioners. However, how disappointing is the the beatification of Pope John Paul 11 (to say this has been expediated, is something of an understatement). Along with the help of Pope Benedict he swept the problem under the carpet. What message does this beatification send to the victims of abuse at the hands of the Catholic Church? They make the very man who oversaw, and facilitated, the destruction of evidence of abuse and, the protection of the Priests who perpetuated it - a Saint!!!  May God help us, as the Catholic Church surely will not!

The Church has been dragged kicking and screaming (with the exception of a few) to the Royal Commission. They claim that the abuse has been dealt with! That their "Toward Healing" Program, where victims of abuse are coerced into signing confidentiality clauses, and offered some paltry sum for their suffering, has been successful in the rehabilitation of the victims. Pffft! Meanwhile, the Priest has been moved to another Parish or the ultimate protection of the Vatican to continue his abuse of the next lot of victims. When victims and their parents have enough courage to go to the police they are stonewalled at every turn. Once again the Church closes ranks to protect the Priest and force the victims and their families into massive debt, fighting their way through the legal system. Not only are they victims of the ongoing sexual abuse, they are further abused by the Church as they seek justice for their suffering. What makes this the most heinous of situations is the Church preaches its ethos of Christian caring and sharing. And yet, all the while not only failing to initially protect the vulnerable, but actively working against the victim to protect the perpetrators and the finances of the richest institution on Earth.

When we think of institutional abuse we think of the hapless victims of abuse within the orphanages run by the catholic Church and others. The physical abuse and mental abuse at the hands of the nuns and brothers is horrendous, and only surpassed by the sexual abuse metered out to these children. However, sexual abuse occurred at nearly every Catholic Parish in Australia at some time or another depending upon whether there was a pedophile Priest in residence or not. How disgusting that these deviates supposedly doing the Lord's work were/are allowed to continue unchecked. You can be guaranteed in Third World Countries, where the Catholic Church is the fastest growing church, that history is repeating itself and the little boys and girls will fall victim to the pedophiles in a collar and a frock that supposedly preach the word of God. Thank God in places like Australia, the abuse will no longer be as widespread. However, a nun recently said to me, that all these new Priests being imported from overseas have very little regard for Australia's Child Protection Laws! WTF??? Will the Catholic Church ever learn.

Recently, Catholic Education went into damage control when sexual abuse went unchecked in the Toowoomba Diocese. Damage control was put into place as this abuse happened here and now - not in the past - but now! But this was all it was - damage control. Is there endemic sexual abuse in Catholic Schools today? I very much doubt it! However, what concerns me is, that these institutions that live by the Catholic ethos of caring and sharing, are run by people who ultimately work to protect the Church not the child. How hypocritical is the Catholic Church, outlawing birth control and yet offering communion to the multitudes who practice it. Divorce is not recognized by the Catholic Church and yet it is fine to pay squillions to the Vatican to get an annulment. What happens to the children of this marriage that never existed? Are they now Bastards, illegitimate children from a non existent union? Why is homosexuality outlawed by the Church and yet it is perfectly fine for a Priest who has taken the Vow of Celebacy to rape and sodomize little boys? This 'fine' Institution makes me sick to my soul.

If the richest institution on Earth has a soul at all, it would practice the Christian ethos it preaches instead of the ethos it practices. Its ethos of fucking everything over, and sweeping it under the carpet is alive and well. And they wonder why their congregations are made up of a dwindling number of  ancient parishioners clutching their Rosary Beads. Pope Francis is a new hope that there will indeed be real change. I just hope he lives long enough to bring change to fruition and drag the Catholic Church into the real world. Maybe the stripping of The Vatican of its "State" status will be the beginning. We can only pray that the lawyers taking on this case have divine help on their side. The resistance from a church, that bought its "State" status from Mussolini in the Second World War with its loyalty to the fascist regime, means it will not give up this up lightly. The stripping of this status will make all the pedophile Priests that have been elevated to Cardinals open to extradition orders and able to face charges in the country of their crimes.

One of the true legacies of Australia's first woman Prime Minister is the Royal Commission into Institutional Child Abuse. It has for the first time allowed these horrifically damaged people a voice. The courage of those who's lives have been ruined is truly amazing, and I hope for some it brings a glimmer of hope and a little peace. It will never bring back those lost to suicide, the years lost to alcoholism and drug abuse, those who battle mental illness, those who have ended up in jail, and most importantly the innocence lost. We can never give these people back their childhoods and in many cases their lives. Without the Royal commission the Churches involved would never have come forward to acknowledge their involvement or the damage they have caused. It has made the Churches at least acknowledge that these crimes were perpetrated on their watch. The real test will be if real change results from the finding. Not just lip service, not just an apology so long as their is a confidentiality clause, but real change where the perpetrators are handed over to face the full force of the law and real, unconditional compensation is given to victims.

To the victims of such crimes, I admire your courage. I admire that you have made your way in life with all the dignity you could muster. May you begin to make peace with your place in the world, and find contentment in the knowledge that your story is finally being heard.

God bless!

Bitches Coz

Care Factor

Today's topic is care or caring! A topic to my way of thinking that, is not as simple as it sounds. How easy is it for us to say we care? But do we really?  We like to think that we do care, but it is not that simple. Caring is not just a temporary state - it is as constant as time. And therein lies the problem!

How many times do you/we say 'Take Care!' and really mean it? How many times do we actually follow through with the caring that we offer? Or is it simply a statement - I offered it - now you're on your own, care for yourself!

Sometimes, I think that is exactly what we mean, we don't have time to care for anyone but ourselves. Is it simply a throw away line like, 'How are you?' or worse, 'Have a nice day!' Do we take time for someone to reply to those one liners?  Or, do we merely throw them in to sound as though we are sweet and sincere?  Deep down, we don't want them to reply we just want them to let you keep on moving. Do we throw them in at the end of text messages because we really mean them or is it just a sign off without true meaning to make the text sound warm and fuzzy. How many of you have had the shopkeeper say to you have a nice day and wanted to shoot them coz you know that they really don't mean it. It's just a fill in line while they move to the next customer. Quite often, by the time you go to reply, they have already started serving the next customer and asked for their frequent shopper card. I for one am tired of the expressions - take care or, have a nice day. They roll off the tongue too easily without 'thought and sincerity' accompanying them.

This appearing to care is not restricted to individuals. How many times have you seen a news item of someone taking their own life? To their credit, the news bulletins broadcast such news in a dignified and respectful way only to finish the item with the throw away line of 'If anyone you know needs help, contact Beyond Blue.' Ok, that is that messy problem dealt with, lets move on! Maybe this is not their intention, but to me it says Ring1800don'tgiveashit! The other problem I have is with days like RUOK Day. I do not wish to denigrate this idea in any way, as it has been created with the best of intentions however,who does it really benefit?  In my workplace there are people who struggle with the 'Black Dog' every day and they hate the platitude of people, who basically don't give a shit, coming up to them and saying "Are you ok?' No, they are not ok, but no-one hangs around long enough to find out. The task has been completed, the general populace feels all warm and fuzzy cos they apparently care, and those that need the care are more marginalized than ever. I for one refuse to participate. I believe it is what you do every day that makes a difference - how you treat people. How you value them and love them.

These initiatives are well meaning but what can we do to become a truly caring society?  What can we do to make others realize that your 'Take Care!' or 'Are you ok?' is sincere and meaningful?   How can we say we care about a cause, simply pay it lip service, and not actually assign emotions and actions to substantiate our involvement? How do we get the ball rolling so others may genuinely take up the challenge of caring and paying it forward?

Grass Roots! Start at home, start caring for your family and friends, put yourself out there - with simple baby steps! (As a friend so often says about anything). Humble beginnings lead to great achievements! Take time to listen, to help out, to show true concern! No matter how simple your help is, it shows true generosity of the heart and time.  How many people do you reflect on and say when they have gone, 'I wish I could have done more!'  'I wish I had got to know them more!'

Don't let this happen to you. Assign yourself with emotion, a generosity of spirit, giving a little time and God knows it will pay off. Not only for yourself but to make that person or cause feel worthy. They in turn will pay it forward to benefit others, and follow your example. A little time well spent brings benefits beyond belief.

So start small, baby steps - when someone needs some caring, offer it.  Get your hands a little dirty, let them tag your ear a bit, let them cry on your shoulder. And humble beginnings will lead to great achievements.

Care for someone today, share some compassion and time and who knows you might not read of their obituary and say, I wish I had got to know them more.

Happy caring,

Bitchescoz

Determined by our Past??

My dear partner has a saying that is both endearing and annoying. He says it all the time when we are making up after an argument; when things have not quite turned out as expected; or we have been let down by those around us. 'Past is Past' he says! Alternately, whist not dwelling on the past, another friend of mine believes you cannot know where you are going if you cannot acknowledge where you come from. To make peace with our past is one of the most difficult tasks we face through life, as mostly, our past experience which  molds who we become, is in the hands of others.

The single biggest influence in our lives is family, or lack of, depending upon our circumstance. The  family ideal, of kids raised in the bosom of a loving Mum and Dad, is definitely not the norm today. A family today varies from a single parent successfully raising children alone, same sex couples raising their children in a loving, nurturing atmosphere, Mum and Dad battling through to raise happy and carefree young adults. While these families definitely do exist, there are others where the trauma of dysfunctional parenting, circumstance of poverty, separation, and abuse make life choices for children raised in these families difficult. The old saying of 'The more things change, the more they stay the same" applies to parenting and families as well. Dysfunctional families have existed since man stood upright and walked on two legs. It is how we have dealt with the human debris from such families that has changed. In the past children were taken from, or given up by, their parents to become wards of the state, where they were placed in institutions at the mercy of tyrannical nuns, brothers,  wardens and the like. Unfortunately, (what an understatement) for these hapless tots life was about to take a turn very much for the worse! Whether we like it or not, our past circumstance plays an enormous role in the baggage we carry through our lives.

This is evident in the haunted faces of the witnesses at the Royal Commission into the Abuse of Children at the hand of Institutions. These poor souls have had their lives destroyed. They have clawed their way back from hell on earth to 'live' as normal a life as is possible. But, the life they live is nothing like the life they may have led, had these disgusting acts of violence and sexual abuse not been perpetrated against them. What a sick society we live in that some of these people have had to wait 60 years to have a voice. There are thousands of others who will not come forward, not because they lack the courage, but simply because the pain is buried so deep within that it is impossible to allow it to bubble up to the surface. To do so would simply destroy them. Maybe, one day, they will be ready, but then again - maybe not! To say these people should learn from their past is a statement of the ignorant as they have a lesson in their past that has left them truly broken.

So what happens when abuse is not only handed out by the Brothers at school, but the family as well. How do these damaged people break away from the cycle of abuse that continues as manipulation and subversive bullying long into adulthood. It is well nigh impossible as the perpetrators have groomed their victim into submissiveness. They believe they are worthless, eager to please and craving acceptance. Add into this the gay factor and the perfect storm presents! Why do people do this, to those they supposedly love? Is it because he is gay? How can they systematically set about purposely destroying the life of one of their own. All the time making out it is all his own fault. All the time playing mind games that leave him believing he is nothing but trash. Every time he claws his way from the brink of hell they are there stomping on him, pushing him back into the abyss. These people revel in their power. How can one escape the past, when the past becomes the present.

Everyone has a past and often those who are the keenest to present a posh face to the world have the most to hide. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing but admiration for those who rise above adversity to lead very successful lives. But we must not forget our past! We might try to bury it, or sweep it under the carpe, but it always comes back to bite us on the arse if we are not honest about, from where we have come. A lot of people passing judgement on others would do well to remember this. Their lives hold a lot of skeletons. Everyone would do well to remember their childhood and youth, to remember their feelings and acknowledge their mistakes. Especially before they make decisions that damage or destroy those around them.

To come to terms with our past, we have to forgive ourselves. We have to realize we are not to blame for acts perpetrated against us. Some say we must forgive those who have perpetrated these indictments - forgive but not forget! This is easy to say, but almost impossible to do, especially when it appears that justice will never be served.To learn from our past is inevitable! What a lesson though - one of human frailty, cruelty and fickleness.

The one consolation in all this, is the strength of human spirit that shines through. Not in how society has compensated these victims of their past, but in how these broken souls have risen to become mothers, fathers and valuable members of the society that failed them.

May God bless them and may they find peace in their lifetime!

Bitches Coz!