Roundabouts! #life #control #freewill #confidence

Recently we visited a city that was made up, of what seemed to be hundreds of roundabouts, and very few traffic lights.  They ranged from the tiny to the enormous.  All seemed to work very well with the control of traffic rather than what I am used to, with a city full of traffic lights and signs.  My mind did however, think that the Town Planners maps may have been spread on the lunch tables of the road crews, and every coffee ring they placed on the map, would become the new roundabout.  Hence, so many of them! 

Anyhow, contemplating on the advantages of them, I believe that they are a very good idea.  God knows, how many of us have been stuck at a red light and there hasn't been a car in sight for what feels like a dragon flies lifespan! But, we sit there and wait patiently, for what maybe the car approaching from another state.  When you think about it, traffic lights are sort of like a fat controller, and we as the drivers are told when we may proceed.  On the other hand, roundabouts appear to be designed that we have control but, must be mindful of those who enter them.  

This brings my thoughts to relating these traffic controllers to our lives. Many of us are controlled by a process that has been established over the years, and it takes the thinking out of our actions to some extent.  Yes, with traffic lights we are taught to proceed with care. But for most of us, and I know that I am one, once that traffic light goes green, I very rarely look around to check for anyone else. Whereas on roundabouts, in a worldly sense you must be mindful, and ever thinking, of what is going on. Who is on them? Are they on your right? Do we proceed without hurting anyone, or ourselves, in our traffic of life.  

How many of us are controlled by the thought processes that have been handed down from generation to generation?  How many of us can escape those controllers, be free thinking, and caring for those around us.  Many discriminatory rationales have been embedded in our minds by our predecessors, and quite often, we don't think if they are really our own thoughts.  Quite often we just sit there, and wait with the pack to proceed, and not look around to see if we may hurt or harm someone. This in my mind is the Red light group!  Whereas the roundabout people learn to proceed with care, proceed with respect, proceed with ever changing conditions of peak hour or minimal traffic. This group is open to change.  This group is willing to allow those around them, access to the life roundabout, and not block them, but go with the flow.  These people still have free will. These people are ever learning.  These people are not governed by fat controllers, who dictate their minds and their actions..  

Therefore I think as decent law abiding citizens of this world, we should encourage our youth to proceed with care, proceed with compassion, proceed with love.  Yes, there will be minor accidents along the way but, if we teach our children to consider others, to have confidence to proceed and regulate the fat controllers, then I have no doubt they will navigate the road of life with ease.  They will know that each and every living vehicle on our roads, is worthy of entering that roundabout called life.  The traffic jams of life may be a thing of the past.

Therefore, I personally approve of roundabouts and keep putting those coffee rings on the maps of the world.  

Until next time, I welcome you to join me on my roundabout called life.

Cheers !

Bitchescoz

Contact: luke65mcbride@gmail.com

 

You are not alone! #caring #hope #compassion

For the last week or so I have had a friend stay with us and she suffers from cold urticaria (basically hives) that causes skin irritation and gets very itchy when exposed to the cold.  I only just recently found out this condition so I read up on the prevention methods of it.  I knew she was coming into our winter and I did not want to see her scratch away.

Google is a great source for those who would like a basic knowledge of things so my fingers did the clicking away.  I read up on doctors forums etc and found that one basic fix was prevention. So my partner and I decided to hit the shops.  Another past time of mine so it was no big deal.  We searched for warm clothing, boots, gloves, hot water bottles anything that was out there for prevention we swiped our cards so as not to let them catch this dreaded condition.  Before she arrived we ask her to check her medications etc and sure enough she changed those and all started to correct itself.  She works in air conditioning that is set by her bosses to freeze an expression off a Cheshire Cat.  We asked her to rug up in there and to her amazement the itches subsided.

When she arrived here we handed her a  fluffy dressing gown, warm slippers and yes she resembled a purple Eskimo but no scratching.  We cranked up the central heating and I persuaded her (ok nagged) to follow through with our preventative measures.  Gay boys learned many years ago that covering up was the only prevention to stopping a formidable itch so to speak.  Apart from an occasional scratch, that was borne out of stubbornness not  to conform, and not to cover her load, she came to the conclusion that we were right.  Of course, I said and would proceed in my distribution of prevention.
This friend of mine is a great doer but never for herself.  In the past few years she has only started to get away from her comfort zone of home and work and has had quite a few trips to here.  Other than that, she does not venture anywhere.  Her husband went on a holiday to Europe but, alas he went with his family.  She stayed snug in her cocoon.  My partner and myself are heading for Europe at Christmas. We were hoping she would join us, and from that moment, the barriers came to the front of conversations. Oh its cold there she would say!  My response, "Buy warmer clothes'. They do have central heating you know. We got past that and then the truth started festering like irritations on her skin. This woman is scared to leave her comfort zone.

Yes, we discussed quite heatedly sometimes which is great for a person in her condition.  Stops hives before the cold even sets in.  This is a problem she wants to fix also but has never had anyone stop and help her before.  Everyone until me (oops) has let her fix their problems and forgotten hers.
This topic bears discussion.  Do we take time for others?  Do we look beyond our noses to see others need some nurturing no matter what the age?  Yes she is somewhere between 40 and death but doesn't she deserve some excitement of her own.  Doesn't she deserve to be the receiver and not the giver?

We all must learn to look around us.  There are people out there that need help.  People in our own families, friends, children.  Unless we offer help, these people will never leave that cocoon.  Yes, some people want to live like Greta Garbo and 'want to be alone'  but some have no choice because no one has taken the time to inquire.  With some people it might take a little time to set them free, but surely everyone is entitled to a little gentle push, a caring hand.  Or you may like to borrow my little gay nagging outfit.  Either way, try the rewards can be a win, win.

These are my thoughts on the matter, drop us a line and give us your thoughts.  I enjoy the debate.  All those who do email us know that this world is a far better place together than being separated and it scratches your itch too.

Let your friends and family know 'You are not alone'

Cheers!

Bitchescoz

Contact: luke65mcbride@gmail.com

Shaping a Future! #nurture #frailty #hope #resilience

When we are children we believe that adults are all-knowing, we think they are infallible. We trust them implicitly not knowing they too are simply human beings. It is this trust that makes us vulnerable to their weaknesses, whether their moulding of our minds is intentional or not. Being a parent is not an easy task but it is one of the most important and probably the one role in life for which we are least qualified. This is especially true today where families of one or two is the norm and children grow up isolated from extended families. In the old days just about every child carried a toddler on their hip as they played in the street and so their parenting and nurturing lessons began very early in life.

That is not to say the most nurturing of parents do not have their foibles and weaknesses. We all know fathers who work long hours and spend more time with their work colleagues than their families. There parents who have been to war and find solace in a bottle. Others trapped in very unhappy unions which have devastating consequences for all involved. It is the circumstances of our parents that make us the adult we become. Fear of stepping into the world of business as a result of a childhood of worrying if the bank would fore close on your parents financial interests, thus making you homeless. Having a house full of unfolded washing making you anal about each item of clothing having its place! Seeing your Mother parked in a corner at the rare social gathering you attended, while your father was the life and soul of the party! These may seem trivial now, but in the eyes of a child they become etched into your psyche making you the adult you are today.

Others have much bigger fish to fry! Their childhoods are one of abuse, sometimes in all forms - verbal, emotional, physical and sexual. Many (sadly not all) rise above this to become reasonably well adjusted adults. Though the scars are still there. Many times they are buried deep within, but they are definitely responsible for the adult we become. What gives these parents the right to inflict such misery on the little person in their lives. These parents actually do not have any rights. They have responsibilities in which, they are sadly lacking. But, they lost their rights as parents the minute the abuse began. The fact that these children battle through often in silence is testimony to the resilience of the human spirit. They grow into adults in spite of their parents. Some rise above their circumstances to live good lives, some are irreversibly broken, some take their own lives and others become abusers themselves.

As parents, their is no excuse for the bad treatment of our children. They did not ask to be conceived. They did not ask to be carried in the womb for nine months to be spat out into a life of hell. This life of hell has no class barriers. It is universal across all ares of society - just the rich have more means and resources at their disposal to make sure the claims of abuse never see the light of day.

The innocence of the child is such a thing of beauty that it deserves only to be nourished, to be encouraged, to be explored, to make them into the very best human being that they possibly can be. They need to be given, not only their wings, but the license to fly! They deserve to lead their life, their way. They are not creatures made in our image so we can live our own hopes and dreams through them. Why punish them because they choose a different path?

As adults we are made train for most other tasks we undertake. We are made get a license to drive a car, a qualification for our profession, permits to build houses and the list goes on. But one night of unbridled passion, one time of fumbled sex, one act of rape and a life can be conceived. A life that we as adults will shape without one ounce of experience. Considering that this is the case a lot of adults manage to become reasonable parents, some manage to be great parents and others fail miserably. Governments try their best to protect children, but the system still fails the vulnerable in many cases. A lot has been gained, but their are still many lessons to be learned.

Most importantly, we as family, as community and as a people need to recognize the need for love and nurture does not end with childhood. It is ongoing and lifelong. If we care for, nurture, and show true compassion to all men, especially the vulnerable amongst us, then we will see them heal. We will allow them to fly in the manner they were destined, when they took their first gasp as they were bundled into the world.

Look around you. Do not judge anyone until you have walked in their shoes. Take time to get to truly know your friends. Do not brush aside their vulnerabilities, care for them, nurture them! Believe me - it is one hundred percent worth it. It is definitely a 'pay it forward' situation. Everybody wins!

Cheers

Bitches Coz! 

Contact: luke65mcbride@gmail.com

Everything Old is New Again #family #nurturing #grandparents

A couple of days ago, I was talking to friends of mine who are having troubles financially, and physically, balancing their schedules, finances, and family, with their heavy work loads. They are above the income threshold for childcare assistance.

They are indeed fortunate that their earning capacity is high. However, they still find it difficult to save, to spend time with their immediate family, and their extended family of parents.  They juggle their work commitments so they can pick up, and drop off, kids to

daycare.  When they are finally home, they run out of steam!  The projects at home are influenced by money, and commitments to both their children, and their respective parents.  Quite often, leaving them the drudgery of the general running of the household and day to day maintenance ie. cooking, cleaning, mowing, ironing etc.  All these things need to be done but, there is very little time spent doing things that give them pleasure as a family and indeed, as a couple.  

Firstly, I asked of them were their parents active? Do they get along well with their parents? Do the children enjoy the grandparent's company?  Do the grandparents live within close proximity to work or home?  The above boxes were ticked with a favourable- Yes!

Ok, I am gay and have no children to pick up and drop off and I realize that not all families do have all boxes ticked, like this couple.  But, to me an obvious question is, 'Why don't they utilize at least one of the problems they are having trouble to organize?'  The problem that is giving their parents quality time with the grandchildren and, indeed allowing themselves time that is not so rushed with their own parents.  

I think from time to time, we think that parents are beyond their use by dates! Maybe, we think that they deserve their time alone - this is their time!  So, why do you hear parents complaining that they never or hardly ever get to see their kids and grandkids?  It is a discussion every time you enter the waiting rooms of doctors surgeries.  Quite honestly, I feel sometimes these people go to the doctor so frequently because it is an outing.  Seems to be, there is nothing they need to be home for. Slanted and judgemental I know, but my pool man who is 75 says its like God's waiting room.  He says all he and his wife have to think of is their food and then go to the doctor to see what may affect them after eating it.  

Yes I am extreme, but, taking on board what my old friend  the pool man has said, and what this couple have discussed, I see a simple solution to their dilemma that may be rewarding both financially and physically.  

Yes children learn a lot from day care etcetera but, they will certainly learn from these elderly statesmen and women as well.  I believe the oldies have a lot to offer, and in turn, the children can teach these old dogs new tricks as well.  A learning curve that is beneficial to all concerned.  Most of these statesmen and women are conquering social media through necessity to keep in touch, and who better, than the younger generation to help them - these children who seem to have been born with a keypad in their grip. And these older citizens who were environmentally friendly before the word became a key phrase and catch cry can give some knowledge how to sew a hem; fix a button; build a kite; how to grow your own vegies; make the best God damn apple pie out of nothing!  And have never had to open Google to do so.

The children's parents benefit too, financially and physically! They don't need to run like mad hatters fitting in to schedules and closing times. They get to see their parents for longer when they pick up the kids or the grandparents drop them home. Thus leaving them more time for things they want to do on their precious weekends.

To me it is a win/win.  If you are confident with the grandparents and the grandparents are confident with the arrangements just go for it. Life will become much better, and who knows, your kids may teach you how to make the best God damn apple pie there is.

My thoughts!

Cheers!

Bitchescoz

Contact: luke65mcbride@gmail.com
 

Everything Old is New Again - Peter Allen

What do YOU WANT me to be when I grow up?? #dreams #nurture #aspirations #expectations

A young man performs at his school concert.  His parents had work commitments so were unable to attend.  The young man had preened his skills at home in front of the mirror had sung into anything that had resembled a microphone.  He had attended all the rehearsals, honed his skill, a skill that he believed was waiting in the wings to be discovered.  Yes, this young man was great academic student, and his parents wanted nothing, but for him to follow their footsteps into that respectable, ever secure, ever stable, professional career of medicine.

This young man is  great at his study and, is indeed gifted, but he wants something more.  He has a passion, and that passion is music.  He wants to heal people - yes! But, he wants to heal people's hearts through music, through his lyrics.  Not the traditional medicine, but prescribing love through his words and his warm tones.

I digress! Anyway, the young man performed his songs, received many accolades from his peers and teachers.  Backstage, one of the parents congratulated him for his talents and handed him his business card and said, 'Contact me, I would like to hear more from you.'  That father was a record producer. The young man did not know this man from Adam, but when home he Googled and indeed, found this man was a great producer and could maybe guide him with his passion.

When the parents arrived home from their surgeries, he was so excited! He handed them the business card and was so thrilled to have been noticed for something he wanted.  The parents shrugged and said, 'We don't know him!'  They threw the card, along with his excitement, on the bench with all the other correspondence that one day they would get around to, and said, 'Don't forget that science paper for tomorrow. Good night!' And, went to bed.

How many of us, have not taken the time, to respond positively to someone else's excitement.  How many of us shrug, and toss others dreams and desires, to the wind! Forget we once had dreams too!  How many of us remember that we were not encouraged to take a chance, a risk, a step to stray from the 'norm' ? How many of us live with the regret, that we did not receive accolades and encouragement, to pursue dreams that are hidden along with all the unanswered correspondence.

It is easier to not get involved! Easier to keep our dreams buried, and not get hurt with the lost dreams of our past.  It is easier for the nine to five to bring home the bacon, when only few achieve the whole pig on the spit.

This is where we as parents, as partners, as lovers, as friends and  past dreamers need to nurture to encourage talents of those around us.

Yes, we need to care!  We need to take part in the joys and hopes that others have.  God knows, we too may enjoy their journey as well.  Help them discover and to conquer doubt.  Sometimes, our job must be to help ground them a little on their journey, but never discourage their abilities to achieve their life  goals.  For none of us, is it too late to change course! To re-visit our dreams and start afresh! 

Don't let this young man's dreams, be extinguished. Who knows you may need a doctor one day! You may get the most highly qualified doctor who has no passion nor compassion and no caring and encouraging  beside manner.
 
Cheers!

Bitchescoz

Contact: luke65mcbride@gmail.com

 You Raise Me Up - Josh Groban