Don't Touch my Bike Seat! #share #payitforward #love

Quite often we complain our heads off, that our loved ones don't take any notice of us, or, don't show interest in what we do.  When they do, we must learn to be gracious and thankful that they do.

For instance the other day I wrote my piece on 'Roses are Red'  not thinking for a moment that he, my partner, would read, let alone comment on, my reflections.  He showed a positive reaction that only was fit for a queen and the subtleties were beyond imagination.

It all started with his caring and concern for my needs while hunched over my iPad writing. The coffee, and the hot chocolate just appeared beside me, as if we had imported a top waiter from one of the finest dining establishments in Europe. The canapés appeared as fast as they came out of the oven.  His positive vibes were encouraging and up lifting.  My best friend phoned a few times to inquire of my day, and I began to smell a rat as to why she kept the inquiry up!  Why she quizzically hinted how great it is that partners were so thoughtful!  And was mine?  As I am sooooo non conspiratorial, I just agreed and kept on agreeing that owing to the latest developments I was indeed blessed.  

news.com.au

 
Late in the afternoon we went on our usual sojourn to the shops and suddenly my suspicions which others possess (usually not I, he he) surfaced.  Each time my 'just in case' items appeared in the trolley, they stayed!  No Houdini fairy acts today I thought.  We approached the checkout and there I was thinking I was home clear when, he suddenly needed a tinkle, leaving me to pick up the tab. Leaving the supermarket and spying some nice fashion statements, I ask him of his lotto ticket obsession, considering he had already just pulled one of my favourite tricks just before.  But no, he said, 'No need for lotto today, I purchased on line.'  Something I had never experienced before. But ok, I thought and we pushed the trolley to the car with the 'just in case', the regular, and his bargain items. This was fast becoming a strange turn of events.

We arrived home, trundled the purchases into the house and suddenly he said, 'Going for a ride, you care to join?'.  I said not at the moment but would catch him up in a while after I packed his 10 packs of bargain 'kleenex' in an appropriate space along with my 'just in cases'.  I then raced to the bedroom to deck myself out in the new sports clothes I had bought a few days earlier while he was having his trickle.  Thought how fab I looked and proceeded to the garage to my bike to meet him at our rendezvous point.

Right then and there the penny dropped -  my best friend's quiz, his over concern, his trickle at the checkout, buying the lotto on line.  Those pennies dropped, like a coin vending machine before my very eyes, when I looked at my bike with the seat missing completely.  The language of compassion flowed through my mind and out of my lips that I am sure he would hear even though he be deaf and kilometres from home.

When he arrived home his care was astounding as to why I had not joined him.  I just said to him that my seat had fallen off my bike and I must have misplaced it last time I rode.  His little look of the executioner appeared and he said that, I still should have joined him, as my new clothes and myself would have fitted snugly on the bike! Then he uttered his final word of, 'touché'.

Ok we settled the problem discretely. The bike seat was re-attached and all was forgiven so we moved on.

The moral to the story is, with those around us we should be true, non secretive and open to each other. Only then can we really know the depth of love. Only then can they be open and loving to us. Above all, that love should accept, appreciate, share, and forgive each other for both our flaws and our potential.

Ok, now that I have established the seed of forgiveness with him, and have assured him, I will not send him to trickle or, encourage his lotto penchant, he has given me a great idea that is much more discreet. I have his credit card in hand, and I'm off to the computer to browse some online fashion stores :) 

Until next time, keep safe!

Cheers!

Bitchescoz

Conctact: luke65mcbride@gmail.com 

Shaping a Future! #nurture #frailty #hope #resilience

When we are children we believe that adults are all-knowing, we think they are infallible. We trust them implicitly not knowing they too are simply human beings. It is this trust that makes us vulnerable to their weaknesses, whether their moulding of our minds is intentional or not. Being a parent is not an easy task but it is one of the most important and probably the one role in life for which we are least qualified. This is especially true today where families of one or two is the norm and children grow up isolated from extended families. In the old days just about every child carried a toddler on their hip as they played in the street and so their parenting and nurturing lessons began very early in life.

That is not to say the most nurturing of parents do not have their foibles and weaknesses. We all know fathers who work long hours and spend more time with their work colleagues than their families. There parents who have been to war and find solace in a bottle. Others trapped in very unhappy unions which have devastating consequences for all involved. It is the circumstances of our parents that make us the adult we become. Fear of stepping into the world of business as a result of a childhood of worrying if the bank would fore close on your parents financial interests, thus making you homeless. Having a house full of unfolded washing making you anal about each item of clothing having its place! Seeing your Mother parked in a corner at the rare social gathering you attended, while your father was the life and soul of the party! These may seem trivial now, but in the eyes of a child they become etched into your psyche making you the adult you are today.

Others have much bigger fish to fry! Their childhoods are one of abuse, sometimes in all forms - verbal, emotional, physical and sexual. Many (sadly not all) rise above this to become reasonably well adjusted adults. Though the scars are still there. Many times they are buried deep within, but they are definitely responsible for the adult we become. What gives these parents the right to inflict such misery on the little person in their lives. These parents actually do not have any rights. They have responsibilities in which, they are sadly lacking. But, they lost their rights as parents the minute the abuse began. The fact that these children battle through often in silence is testimony to the resilience of the human spirit. They grow into adults in spite of their parents. Some rise above their circumstances to live good lives, some are irreversibly broken, some take their own lives and others become abusers themselves.

As parents, their is no excuse for the bad treatment of our children. They did not ask to be conceived. They did not ask to be carried in the womb for nine months to be spat out into a life of hell. This life of hell has no class barriers. It is universal across all ares of society - just the rich have more means and resources at their disposal to make sure the claims of abuse never see the light of day.

The innocence of the child is such a thing of beauty that it deserves only to be nourished, to be encouraged, to be explored, to make them into the very best human being that they possibly can be. They need to be given, not only their wings, but the license to fly! They deserve to lead their life, their way. They are not creatures made in our image so we can live our own hopes and dreams through them. Why punish them because they choose a different path?

As adults we are made train for most other tasks we undertake. We are made get a license to drive a car, a qualification for our profession, permits to build houses and the list goes on. But one night of unbridled passion, one time of fumbled sex, one act of rape and a life can be conceived. A life that we as adults will shape without one ounce of experience. Considering that this is the case a lot of adults manage to become reasonable parents, some manage to be great parents and others fail miserably. Governments try their best to protect children, but the system still fails the vulnerable in many cases. A lot has been gained, but their are still many lessons to be learned.

Most importantly, we as family, as community and as a people need to recognize the need for love and nurture does not end with childhood. It is ongoing and lifelong. If we care for, nurture, and show true compassion to all men, especially the vulnerable amongst us, then we will see them heal. We will allow them to fly in the manner they were destined, when they took their first gasp as they were bundled into the world.

Look around you. Do not judge anyone until you have walked in their shoes. Take time to get to truly know your friends. Do not brush aside their vulnerabilities, care for them, nurture them! Believe me - it is one hundred percent worth it. It is definitely a 'pay it forward' situation. Everybody wins!

Cheers

Bitches Coz! 

Contact: luke65mcbride@gmail.com

A Life Well Lived #abuse #bullying #discrimination

Today, in Australia, they handed out the Queen's Birthday honours. The recipients of such honours have served their communities, their country, their cause with great dedication and diligence.And, in no way do I mean to detract from the good works that these people do.  But, there are many people in all walks of life that dedicate themselves just as diligently to their jobs, their communities and causes. They do not do this because they want accolades. They simply do it because they want to. Maybe, it is time that we give these everyday Joe's some recognition. After all, many of those who appear in these Honours Lists are already handsomely rewarded for  the work they do. So what is it that makes them more qualified than the average citizen? Do these people live a life well lived? They certainly do!

However, to live a life well lived, we do not have to spend our life doing good deeds. There are billions of people world wide who live good lives, caring for their families and friends. They are good world citizens making sure they do the right thing by the environment and the world in general. They are made up of people of all colour and creed. They are made up of single people, couples- heterosexual and homosexual, the disabled, the young and the old. There is no discrimination in those who live a life well lived.

But discrimination is alive and well, as some sectors of society, and members of family, choose to bully, vilify and victimize those who a deemed as 'different'. Rather than value them for their uniqueness and contribution, they choose to try to make them conform. Just because they live differently, or have different needs and wants, does not mean they do not live, a life well lived - that they do not make very valuable contributions to the richness of the family structure and society in general. What is it that makes society so fearful of 'different'? Why is it that even today, there is still a fear (very real I might add) of rejection when a person chooses to 'come out' and tell their family of their sexual orientation. What makes a family reject their beloved son or daughter simply because of their sexuality? They are not a different person to the one they were, before they 'came out'. They still do all the same things as everyone else. They still study. They still go to work. They still fall in love. They still want a family. The very essence of these wants and needs, mean that they live a life, well lived.

If we are going to judge how to define a life well lived, we would do well to look past the veneer that these 'respectable' citizens of the world present to society. We should look past the power, the trappings of wealth, and the apparent perfect family, to see if these people really do qualify for the honour of a life well lived. I believe, that those they choose to denigrate, deserve the honour far more. Simply because they live their lives true to themselves, and treat others with the utmost respect, all the while dealing with the bigotry, manipulation, and animosity that is dished their way each day.

Worldwide, things are slowly changing for the LGBTI community. After all, there is a transexual playing in the Brazilian soccer team, fully supported by his team mates. However, the very fact that he has made headlines worldwide means he isn't considered as simply a person by at least the media of the world. I am sure he lives a life well lived! But, those who think they are the pillars of society choose to comment on this man as if he is a freak show. He is the same as you and me - he is a person. A talented one, I grant you that! Maybe, if he lived in Australia, he might get to receive a Queen's Birthday Honour for his services to sport. But I doubt it! Those in power would make sure that he was buried in some back office while they take all of the glory for his deeds.

Those who choose to manipulate, and bully, those who are 'different' certainly do not qualify for a life lived well. It is far more important to treat those around you with comfort and kindness, whatever their 'difference'. Maybe, we should start a National Bully Register!!! That way those who perpetrate such acts could be punished by making sure they NEVER receive such accolades.That they are unable to hide behind the veneer of society. I would love to scream to the world - these people are dysfunctional parents. Please do not give them credit for a life well lived because on that score they fail.

So how do we define "a life well lived"? Is it a definition owned by the elderly? I think not! Just because someone is old does not mean they necessarily qualify. Is it a definition owned by the rich? Certainly not! Oh yes, they try to buy it, but actions speak louder than words and the result is Epic Fail. Is it a definition owned by community? Maybe! At least community means there is a generosity of spirit as those who are self centered simply do not involve themselves. Is it a definition owned by individuals? Most definitely! At least that way we can weed out those who do not live a life well lived even though they pretend too!

So whether you are a member of the pack, or an individual that is different, try to truly live a life well lived. Be generous of spirit, leave your judgemental gene in your jeans and treat others the way you think you deserve to be treated.

Just then you might qualify for a life well lived!

Cheers!

Bitches Coz!

Contact: luke65mcbride@gmail.com

Care Factor

Today's topic is care or caring! A topic to my way of thinking that, is not as simple as it sounds. How easy is it for us to say we care? But do we really?  We like to think that we do care, but it is not that simple. Caring is not just a temporary state - it is as constant as time. And therein lies the problem!

How many times do you/we say 'Take Care!' and really mean it? How many times do we actually follow through with the caring that we offer? Or is it simply a statement - I offered it - now you're on your own, care for yourself!

Sometimes, I think that is exactly what we mean, we don't have time to care for anyone but ourselves. Is it simply a throw away line like, 'How are you?' or worse, 'Have a nice day!' Do we take time for someone to reply to those one liners?  Or, do we merely throw them in to sound as though we are sweet and sincere?  Deep down, we don't want them to reply we just want them to let you keep on moving. Do we throw them in at the end of text messages because we really mean them or is it just a sign off without true meaning to make the text sound warm and fuzzy. How many of you have had the shopkeeper say to you have a nice day and wanted to shoot them coz you know that they really don't mean it. It's just a fill in line while they move to the next customer. Quite often, by the time you go to reply, they have already started serving the next customer and asked for their frequent shopper card. I for one am tired of the expressions - take care or, have a nice day. They roll off the tongue too easily without 'thought and sincerity' accompanying them.

This appearing to care is not restricted to individuals. How many times have you seen a news item of someone taking their own life? To their credit, the news bulletins broadcast such news in a dignified and respectful way only to finish the item with the throw away line of 'If anyone you know needs help, contact Beyond Blue.' Ok, that is that messy problem dealt with, lets move on! Maybe this is not their intention, but to me it says Ring1800don'tgiveashit! The other problem I have is with days like RUOK Day. I do not wish to denigrate this idea in any way, as it has been created with the best of intentions however,who does it really benefit?  In my workplace there are people who struggle with the 'Black Dog' every day and they hate the platitude of people, who basically don't give a shit, coming up to them and saying "Are you ok?' No, they are not ok, but no-one hangs around long enough to find out. The task has been completed, the general populace feels all warm and fuzzy cos they apparently care, and those that need the care are more marginalized than ever. I for one refuse to participate. I believe it is what you do every day that makes a difference - how you treat people. How you value them and love them.

These initiatives are well meaning but what can we do to become a truly caring society?  What can we do to make others realize that your 'Take Care!' or 'Are you ok?' is sincere and meaningful?   How can we say we care about a cause, simply pay it lip service, and not actually assign emotions and actions to substantiate our involvement? How do we get the ball rolling so others may genuinely take up the challenge of caring and paying it forward?

Grass Roots! Start at home, start caring for your family and friends, put yourself out there - with simple baby steps! (As a friend so often says about anything). Humble beginnings lead to great achievements! Take time to listen, to help out, to show true concern! No matter how simple your help is, it shows true generosity of the heart and time.  How many people do you reflect on and say when they have gone, 'I wish I could have done more!'  'I wish I had got to know them more!'

Don't let this happen to you. Assign yourself with emotion, a generosity of spirit, giving a little time and God knows it will pay off. Not only for yourself but to make that person or cause feel worthy. They in turn will pay it forward to benefit others, and follow your example. A little time well spent brings benefits beyond belief.

So start small, baby steps - when someone needs some caring, offer it.  Get your hands a little dirty, let them tag your ear a bit, let them cry on your shoulder. And humble beginnings will lead to great achievements.

Care for someone today, share some compassion and time and who knows you might not read of their obituary and say, I wish I had got to know them more.

Happy caring,

Bitchescoz