To all those who read, and respond to, my writings, I am calling on you right now to advise me.!
Over the last few weeks, I have spent a lot of time with a dear friend of mine who is between a rock and a hard place. I have listened to him and have said, I can give my feeble advice but, I am out of my depth here. I told him that I would ask for some advice to help him with his problem. So here I am, begging for anyone out there who may have some advice on how I, in turn can advise him as to what to do. I have given him my word that there will be no mention of names, hereditary, nor where he comes from, so he has given me permission to ask advice, give him answers/reasons as to his situation.
Ok, let's begin with some background to his life. He was born to a normal yet well healed family. A family that shows greatness in family matters. They take great pride that their family be seen as a pillar of society. A family that appears greater on the outside, than inside the privacy of their homes. From my discussions with him, and what I have witnessed over the years, their family hierarchy is built on a very strong matriarchal presence. The mother rules the roost but, with a slight of hand that appears not to come from her. She has, forever, been seen to outsiders as a caring and sharing woman of substance. Even today in her later years she is seen as this sweet little old lady that is giving of heart, soul and compassion. Not so for my friend and I might add to anyone who has crossed her in the past or now.
She prides herself on her petiteness and her 'best dressed' status. I have had the misfortune of accompanying my friend, and his mother, to dress shops. Within 5 minutes you have heard her life story, mention of her age, and her size at her age. Within those 5 minutes the shop assistant has fulfilled her needs by overly patronising her age, gushing forth compliments and stroking her ego. I am sure if this woman had a Facebook page, it would be adored by millions for her good deeds to charity and, her nurturing of family, especially my gay friend who by this time is cowering in the corner of the nearest changeroom. In my humble opinion this woman is so egocentric that I want to rush to the nearest fire extinguisher, and put out the malicious spite in velvety tones that comes from her mouth.
This woman needs to be adored and worshipped for her great works to humanity and her family. This woman needs even at her age to be seen as something that men still crave, and lust after. Anyone, who does not measure up to her unwritten criteria, is to this day exiled and will suffer her wrath.
I asked my friend of his mother's friends. Does this woman have friends and girlfriends? (Do they still call each other girlfriends at her age?) His reply is that she has only had a few girlfriends that he could recall in his life. These women were friends only when they were at their weakest. She would befriend them, tell them how much they relied on her, and once they had made it back up from their misery, she would dispense of their friendship. The search was then on for another conquest to share her 'compassion'. It appears she only needed them while they were fuelling her need for praise and thanks. (I would think that they saw an opening, and bolted to the exit before they could no longer breathe from the the exhaustive breaths of adoration they had to bestow on her.) Men in her life, he says, were her achilles heal! She needed them to surround her! She needed them to be in pursuit of her. If they stroked her ego they could stay in her presence. If they offended her ego in anyway, it was, and is, like biting the heal that was not dipped in the River Styx. It appears that, but for her heal, the woman is immortal. And, all that are in her presence must strictly adhere to her criteria.
I
then asked him of his family, he said his family is not huge as his
mother was an only child. He had a grandmother (since
departed) that he adored; sisters of his grandmother (also departed) with whom he shared great time and fun; two sisters, one exiled and one that he has great
admiration and love for; a brother that is distant and calculating and
knows which heal not to touch when around his mother. After the death of his
grandmother and aunts, the matriarch stopped at nothing to destroy his
memories of them. The sister that
he is close to has discussed with him many times that she is not
appreciated, nor loved, by the mother but, tries to keep in touch for the
sake of the family. When the mother hears of these two talking
she alienates him until they hide their communication to fulfil the
mother's desires. This slight of hand, that I spoke of before, is
certainly a magical trick she plays as she pits one against the other. Both crave love and acceptance! They don't want to rock the boat that
they were born into. The father is a lovely old gentleman but, always
wants to please his love! For he knows, that once upon a time, he nibbled
on her heal, and he paid for that dearly, by being exiled for many years.
He now wants to play out his twilight years without drama and will
conform to her rules. Even his nearest and dearest, and only, living
sister has been turned from him and to play it safe, he has no
communication but through the matriarch. Over the last few weeks, I have spent a lot of time with a dear friend of mine who is between a rock and a hard place. I have listened to him and have said, I can give my feeble advice but, I am out of my depth here. I told him that I would ask for some advice to help him with his problem. So here I am, begging for anyone out there who may have some advice on how I, in turn can advise him as to what to do. I have given him my word that there will be no mention of names, hereditary, nor where he comes from, so he has given me permission to ask advice, give him answers/reasons as to his situation.
Ok, let's begin with some background to his life. He was born to a normal yet well healed family. A family that shows greatness in family matters. They take great pride that their family be seen as a pillar of society. A family that appears greater on the outside, than inside the privacy of their homes. From my discussions with him, and what I have witnessed over the years, their family hierarchy is built on a very strong matriarchal presence. The mother rules the roost but, with a slight of hand that appears not to come from her. She has, forever, been seen to outsiders as a caring and sharing woman of substance. Even today in her later years she is seen as this sweet little old lady that is giving of heart, soul and compassion. Not so for my friend and I might add to anyone who has crossed her in the past or now.
She prides herself on her petiteness and her 'best dressed' status. I have had the misfortune of accompanying my friend, and his mother, to dress shops. Within 5 minutes you have heard her life story, mention of her age, and her size at her age. Within those 5 minutes the shop assistant has fulfilled her needs by overly patronising her age, gushing forth compliments and stroking her ego. I am sure if this woman had a Facebook page, it would be adored by millions for her good deeds to charity and, her nurturing of family, especially my gay friend who by this time is cowering in the corner of the nearest changeroom. In my humble opinion this woman is so egocentric that I want to rush to the nearest fire extinguisher, and put out the malicious spite in velvety tones that comes from her mouth.
This woman needs to be adored and worshipped for her great works to humanity and her family. This woman needs even at her age to be seen as something that men still crave, and lust after. Anyone, who does not measure up to her unwritten criteria, is to this day exiled and will suffer her wrath.
I asked my friend of his mother's friends. Does this woman have friends and girlfriends? (Do they still call each other girlfriends at her age?) His reply is that she has only had a few girlfriends that he could recall in his life. These women were friends only when they were at their weakest. She would befriend them, tell them how much they relied on her, and once they had made it back up from their misery, she would dispense of their friendship. The search was then on for another conquest to share her 'compassion'. It appears she only needed them while they were fuelling her need for praise and thanks. (I would think that they saw an opening, and bolted to the exit before they could no longer breathe from the the exhaustive breaths of adoration they had to bestow on her.) Men in her life, he says, were her achilles heal! She needed them to surround her! She needed them to be in pursuit of her. If they stroked her ego they could stay in her presence. If they offended her ego in anyway, it was, and is, like biting the heal that was not dipped in the River Styx. It appears that, but for her heal, the woman is immortal. And, all that are in her presence must strictly adhere to her criteria.
On his relationships - while, my friend is seen as the dominant one in his relationship she favours him (I guess coz he is a man in her eyes) but, the partner is then destroyed as, he being the weaker of the two, becomes a threat to the son's affection for her. When the son is seen as the less dominant, as he is at this moment in time, she favours the other, then seeks to destroy her son. (Weird to me that a mother can ever turn on her own!) In his life he has struggled through many sicknesses and yes the mother has always been helpful. However, she always needs adoration for her kindness and pours out to everyone of her greatness. And, I might add, she always tells others she has had the same afflictions but has dealt with them silently. (I have heard it from her own mouth.) Again showing her courageous nature (such a crock.) As a gay guy, he has had many female friends and yes, she destroys them too! She embeds and embellishes herself onto them so deeply, that they back out of his life or he just does not mention them to her in fear of her taking them from him as well. When he mentions them to her, and does not introduce, she works herself into a frenzy and makes remarks pertaining to his secretive nature. She always plays the trump card that she does everything in her power to be the best mother and yet he does not include her. (Fuck I feel for this guy!)
As a friend,
I now keep well clear of any association with her as I don't wish to be
destroyed by her. But, more so because I want to be friends with him
and his partner, and be some strength to help them face what she puts
them through.
Ok, now I ask you for help as to
how to advise him. My suggestion was to stop contact with her, but my
friend and his partner are very family conscious and care far too deeply
for that. He loves his father, and knows that if he was to do that, she
would destroy that cherished time he spends with him.
I
am so confused! Can you help me, help him? I am so out of my depth here, as to whether this woman has Munchausen by proxy, a black widow
syndrome, or is she just plain evil? I am teetering on 'plain evil'.
So if you have any advice on the matter - help me help him!
Cheers
.JPG) |
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