Hearing with your Heart

I have lived with full hearing my whole life, and for most part, I have shared my life with hearing people, partners and friends.  My question is do we, as hearing people actually hear or, do we only hear what we want to?  I have heard the expression 'Oh he/she has selective hearing!'  But, is this just a way of blocking out what we don't want to hear;  an I'll deal with that in my own time; an explanation why we don't say what we are thinking; or just plain ignorance?
 
A few times I have had the bad experience of texting a message to a fully hearing, fully seeing person (usually a family member) and they take offense as to what is written. Though they have all their senses in tact, they find it too difficult to clarify the message, instead, going off the deep end and not discovering the true meaning of the text. Then they, after you have had to put everything apart from your toenail clippings in a bag to explain the context of the message, say - 'Why didn't you say that in the first place?'  Or worse - 'You know I hate texting, people shortcut these things and you don't get the meaning.'  My question to that is - Why did you, as the receiver of the text, not ask for an explanation? Why did you let it get out of hand?  Why did you text ten people afterwards telling them I was a scum bag for what I text?  The very thing I text was innocent, the meaning non-intentional and was merely a grammatical mistake! But, that one flippant remark was broadcast to (not the original text I might add) friends, family and anyone who happened to be calling that day, with the inclusion of some very emotional extrapolations to boot.  And, this misunderstanding devoured a whole night, trying to explain as to why you said, or in this case, didn't say those damning comments.  Therefore, I believe those same hearing, seeing people also suffer from a complaint that I call 'selective textness' - a lack of taking time to re-read the text, putting what is said into perspective or, as a political 'has been' once said bothering to ask 'Please explain!'  Instead they create a storm in a teacup that escalates the situation so far out of hand that the only way to solve it is to book a one way ticket to a country without telecommunications or, call in the national guard and welfare agencies to fix the demons that escape unknowingly from my cell phone. Basically, none of this would be needed if they take the time to actually communicate directly with me as to what I might, or might not, have said!

Having wafted on about this, my main reason is to explain how I think communication is often taken  lightly. In this time of fast food, fast cars and internet dating, people don't take the time to listen to, or worse to actually understand, what the other person is trying to say.

My life partner is profoundly deaf and, only in the last few months has been equipped with a cochlear implant.  Might I just add his first language is not English which has complications in itself. Developing communication with each other does take time and effort on both our parts. The doctors say that in time the brain will accept and identify of the new found sounds that he hears, and owing to his ethnicity he hears English as a bit of a gabble.  You see he lost his hearing at the age of 9 and, until now he has lip read those of his native tongue, making it a tad difficult to understand what we, the English, are saying. Might I say it is also exciting to introduce him to sounds he has never heard before - to explain its a bird, a door bell or rain on the roof.  It has the magic of teaching a child new experiences and the sharing of these first experiences together. Yes, there are misunderstandings but, for the most part, we do take time to try to let the other person understand our point of view.  This is why I beg you to try to communicate more, try to give someone your time, try to feel it from their side instead of just believing its all about you. It is in fact, much smoother sailing if you join and care about someone instead of just yourself.  You are not the unlucky one here, you are given the gifts of full communication and should help others who may not of heard that beautiful sound of a bird singing or the wonderful sound of rain falling on a tin roof.

We, as a couple, have found that one of the greatest assets we have is a whiteboard and the use of our phones to text an explanation of something that somehow defies us. Yes, it takes a little more time but, it is worth spending the time and letting each other know what it is we are feeling or want to convey. By returning the writings or the text, we keep the communication open, rather than closing down and taking the misinterpretation to a higher level, let alone bringing unsuspecting others into what should, or could, have been so simple without the need of the national guard.

Therefore, I ask you to open up and talk more! If you can't verbalise it, then write it down and get others to understand what you really wanted. Writing can also be quite cathartic as well, and bring peace to others minds as well as your own.

Take care, open your hearts as well as your ears and eyes and the world will be a better place!

Bitchescoz!