Determined by our Past??

My dear partner has a saying that is both endearing and annoying. He says it all the time when we are making up after an argument; when things have not quite turned out as expected; or we have been let down by those around us. 'Past is Past' he says! Alternately, whist not dwelling on the past, another friend of mine believes you cannot know where you are going if you cannot acknowledge where you come from. To make peace with our past is one of the most difficult tasks we face through life, as mostly, our past experience which  molds who we become, is in the hands of others.

The single biggest influence in our lives is family, or lack of, depending upon our circumstance. The  family ideal, of kids raised in the bosom of a loving Mum and Dad, is definitely not the norm today. A family today varies from a single parent successfully raising children alone, same sex couples raising their children in a loving, nurturing atmosphere, Mum and Dad battling through to raise happy and carefree young adults. While these families definitely do exist, there are others where the trauma of dysfunctional parenting, circumstance of poverty, separation, and abuse make life choices for children raised in these families difficult. The old saying of 'The more things change, the more they stay the same" applies to parenting and families as well. Dysfunctional families have existed since man stood upright and walked on two legs. It is how we have dealt with the human debris from such families that has changed. In the past children were taken from, or given up by, their parents to become wards of the state, where they were placed in institutions at the mercy of tyrannical nuns, brothers,  wardens and the like. Unfortunately, (what an understatement) for these hapless tots life was about to take a turn very much for the worse! Whether we like it or not, our past circumstance plays an enormous role in the baggage we carry through our lives.

This is evident in the haunted faces of the witnesses at the Royal Commission into the Abuse of Children at the hand of Institutions. These poor souls have had their lives destroyed. They have clawed their way back from hell on earth to 'live' as normal a life as is possible. But, the life they live is nothing like the life they may have led, had these disgusting acts of violence and sexual abuse not been perpetrated against them. What a sick society we live in that some of these people have had to wait 60 years to have a voice. There are thousands of others who will not come forward, not because they lack the courage, but simply because the pain is buried so deep within that it is impossible to allow it to bubble up to the surface. To do so would simply destroy them. Maybe, one day, they will be ready, but then again - maybe not! To say these people should learn from their past is a statement of the ignorant as they have a lesson in their past that has left them truly broken.

So what happens when abuse is not only handed out by the Brothers at school, but the family as well. How do these damaged people break away from the cycle of abuse that continues as manipulation and subversive bullying long into adulthood. It is well nigh impossible as the perpetrators have groomed their victim into submissiveness. They believe they are worthless, eager to please and craving acceptance. Add into this the gay factor and the perfect storm presents! Why do people do this, to those they supposedly love? Is it because he is gay? How can they systematically set about purposely destroying the life of one of their own. All the time making out it is all his own fault. All the time playing mind games that leave him believing he is nothing but trash. Every time he claws his way from the brink of hell they are there stomping on him, pushing him back into the abyss. These people revel in their power. How can one escape the past, when the past becomes the present.

Everyone has a past and often those who are the keenest to present a posh face to the world have the most to hide. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing but admiration for those who rise above adversity to lead very successful lives. But we must not forget our past! We might try to bury it, or sweep it under the carpe, but it always comes back to bite us on the arse if we are not honest about, from where we have come. A lot of people passing judgement on others would do well to remember this. Their lives hold a lot of skeletons. Everyone would do well to remember their childhood and youth, to remember their feelings and acknowledge their mistakes. Especially before they make decisions that damage or destroy those around them.

To come to terms with our past, we have to forgive ourselves. We have to realize we are not to blame for acts perpetrated against us. Some say we must forgive those who have perpetrated these indictments - forgive but not forget! This is easy to say, but almost impossible to do, especially when it appears that justice will never be served.To learn from our past is inevitable! What a lesson though - one of human frailty, cruelty and fickleness.

The one consolation in all this, is the strength of human spirit that shines through. Not in how society has compensated these victims of their past, but in how these broken souls have risen to become mothers, fathers and valuable members of the society that failed them.

May God bless them and may they find peace in their lifetime!

Bitches Coz!